Where I stand on religion.

As a child I lived a sheltered life. For a long time I had always believed that nothing bad could happen to me. Life would always be good to me. I grew up in a traditional family, mom and dad stayed together and provided a very happy and comfortable childhood for me. It was easy for me to believe in Santa Clause because the world looked so protected from where I was. A person with the power to go down every chimney and deliver presents in one night is the reason life was so great. That and the fact that there was God watching over me.

My parents did not raise me as a religious person. They simply raised me, and wherever my mind went they were supportive. If I went to church with my friends and came home to tell them what I had learned at church they didn't give any opinions on it. They simply would nod their head and say "that's great!". They wouldn't discourage or reinforce any of it. Its amazing how lucky I am to have been able to live in that kind of a family, where from the very beginning my mind was just so free to take in what I see and hear from the world around me and come to my own conclusions as much as I had liked.

So the very beginning of my life, I was somewhat familiar with church, the concept of God, and Jesus and the Christian faith. I accepted it all. There was a heaven and a hell. Good people go to heaven, bad people go to hell. It worked for me perfectly. It all was perfectly fine, for awhile. Until I one day found out that... there were different churches! Not only that, but, completely different religions! This I could not understand. Couldn't the faith itself in God and Jesus be enough? Why do we need all these different brands of Christianity?

Then I began to hear of individuals with no religion, those who do not believe in God, the resurrection of Christ or even heaven, hell or the devil himself! It was tough for me to understand how someone could not believe. At first, I felt anger toward these individuals who disagreed with me(Of course, eventually I would realize that this is just the natural thing that occurs ANYTIME a person disagrees with you on ANYTHING). So because I felt angry about their disagreement naturally I wished bad things to happen to them. Never did I wish that they go to hell though. I just wished that the truth would hit them in the face hard, it would have been satisfying for me. It took some time, but I examined these feelings and eventually figured out how ridiculous they were. They disagreed with me, plain and simple. What is the point in hitting them hard with the truth? There's none, its completely asinine and ridiculous but for some reason its the natural state of mind when someone disagrees with you. This natural tendency hasn't left me, but nowadays im able to simmer it down so that I can be more reasonable.

So now that I have realized that there are people who disagree, and that I have no reason to be angry with them, I could still be around the people who disagreed and still be friendly with them. There was no reason not to be friendly with people who simply had a different idea on what happens when we die. But then eventually I began to hear from others who were on my side of the aisle on the life after death issue that those who disagreed with us would go to hell. I then remembered wanting the truth to hit the people who disagreed with me real hard. You eventually get the idea from others who share your faith that you must save your friends. You must convince them that you are right. Or there going to go to hell. It is a strange thing to be told. You learn to accept your friends for who they are and what they think, then your told you got to change them. Then the idea that there going to get hurt in the end if they don't agree with you is somewhat satisfying and somewhere in the back of your mind there's that delicious feeling that the truth will hit them, and much harder than you ever imagined.

As I examined all these things told to me and the feelings behind them, I came to the conclusion that more than likely I was being told this because these people felt the same way. They wanted to be right, they are angry that someone disagrees with them, so they bring out the 'your going to hell' card. Now, even though I thought hell was real, I didn't like it. Torture, and suffering for all eternity for me was a ridiculous idea. Theres no one in the world who could deserve that punishment, and especially someone who is simply disagreeing with me! So I was being told that my friends who disagreed with me are not going to be saved and that they are going to pay for it by suffering for it for the rest of eternity. Simply for not seeing it the same way someone else does. So the whole idea of them going to hell didn't sink in with me at all. And I most certainly was never going to agree with them being tortured for all eternity because they were not "saved". If I was going to wake up in heaven after dying and my friend who didn't think this eternal wonderland existed wasn't going to be there, id go to jesus and say, "well, where is my friend?". And if jesus answered, 'Well.. he wasn't saved my child, hes being burned right now and its going to be burned for the rest of eternity because he didn't believe in me. And even though I have the power to do whatever I want, I cannot save him because I cannot interfere with his free will to reject me.' then I would probably tell Jesus that im on my way to go rescue him because I don't think heaven will be much fun knowing that my friend is being tortured for all eternity because he saw something differently. Wouldn't heaven pretty much be like hell? To always be reminded that your friend, or maybe even your family member is being burned constantly. The way I saw it, it would be unfair not just to the person being tortured but also to those who cared about the person.

So what started off as what sounded like just some divine all powerful being who cared about us started to not look too much like he cared. So I broke away from those beliefs and had my own version of god. One that truly cared about us, and ALL of us. One that would not simply say "Oh its your choice that your in hell because you didn't believe in me" but instead one who is understanding, one who would recognize that he is all powerful and do something about it if you did happen to go to hell.

I continued to go to church to learn more about God and figured that maybe I would learn that maybe my religious friends had it all wrong, and that people who disagree with us aren't necessarily doomed just because they don't think like we do. And what happened then? I learned that there are all these different religions, and that the church I was going to had a name, I believe it was a Methodist church. Then there were other churches that believed in the same basic things. I didn't realize that I was called a "Christian" till years later. Why on earth did I have to have a title? No one put a title on me for believing the world was round. So why is it that there was a title "Christian" for someone who believed in God. It began to look like a big game of im right your wrong, so eventually I quit joining my friends at church. I grew tired of hearing that people who are free to think what they want go to hell. I grew tired of seeing every church damn the other church to hell, which one was I supposed to choose??? The one that was closest to me, I guess. So then if I was to be saved why did god put the wrong church within walking distance of my home? Couldn't make the message clear and simple it had to be a challenge there had to be some soul searching so that I could freely determine what I felt was right, but then if I freely determined the wrong thing I go to hell. How ridiculous.

So now you may ask, "what religion are you, what is your views or philosophy on life? Are you one of those people who believe in god but have no official religion? What are your beleifs?" My answer to that now is, "Its completely irrelavent." Why do I say this? Because where I think im going when I die is pretty much totally irrelavent. Sure I can discuss with you ideas on it. I can get into interesting conversations about it. But do I have a conclusion? No, I do not. "Oh so you are an agnostic correct?" you might say. The only answer ill have to that is No, I am not an agnostic, I am not an atheist, not Christian, not Buddhist, not wiccan, there is no title for me, there is no title required when you have a belief. If you want to have a title because you think a certain way then fine. I choose to simply live on as nothing more or less than a human being. And my beliefs are all going to based on the world around me, not what I want the world to be. So for example once I am placed in hell ill definitely believe there is a devil and a pot of boiling hot lava, and if there was a way to have avoided that ill definitely have wished that I could have. But was it really my choice? Tough to say. I haven't met many people who would choose to burn in a pot of boiling lava for all eternity. Sure you can do the wrong things and end up there, but do you really deserve it? So I lived my life happily, I wasn't a jerk, went to work each day, I was a great husband, helped out and contributed to society, yet because I didn't come to the right conclusions or realize certain things that someone else did then that means I got to burn for all eternity. No way around it. You cant save me if I don't realize you exist.
Some might argue, "well smokers don't realize their going to pay for it in the end and they do!". Well sure, but I most certainly don't think that they DESERVE to get emphysema and suffocate on their mucous for days and die just because they like to smoke. I took care of a woman who died of emphysema, she had a horrible death. Not once did I think "she deserves it she smoked". And if I were an all powerful God I would have done something about it, not just said "oh well that was your choice, you go right on ahead and suffocate. I cant help you now that you smoked." What is really unfair is when a person "cant" realize it. Because while the information is out there that you will die this way from smoking eventually many people cannot see that it is going to happen. And when they do get emphysema then they wish they hadn't smoked and would likely have not done it if they were hit with the cold hard truth. Religion, unfortunately doesn't hit us with the cold hard truth, it just tells us we have to believe this and that even though nothing seems to really truly convince us that what the religious folks are saying is indeed fact(you may want to read my article on how belief is not a choice).
And, like I said, even if smoking causes emphysema does a smoker DESERVE to get emphysema for enjoying cigarettes? I guess some might say, "Alright, alright fine, no people don't deserve to go to hell for not believing in our religion, but it happens anyway! You still got to be saved, so read the bible and go to church or you'll be sorry!". Good one there, tough to argue with that. Problem is, I have ALL the doctors telling me not to smoke, but not ALL religious people are telling me the same thing. So I still have to be lucky enough to choose the correct path.