Inner Hatred

.  My body lays inside itself, unable to move. My lips are shut tight, talking is just too much. I want to be forgiven but I know that is too much for you. I want to like you but I know that's too much for me. Were two different people, very different people. I find myself on the floor pondering about my hatred for you. My body hates you, a fire rages in the bottom of my heart whenever i see you. I don't know what it is, at least i tell myself that. I never meant for it to get this bad but i can no longer stand you, real physical pain hits me when i see you! I wish you could understand, understand that the 'friendship' we have is nothing, there's no point pretending. I'm mean to you, i try to push you away but you just keep coming back! I can't blame you, that's wrong but my hatred for you has turned me into a monster! I wish for you to understand that this is best for the both of us. As they say, you can pick you friends but you can't pick your family. Let me pick my friends. The weight upon my shoulder all the sins i have done which were aggravated by you are too many. I can't live like this much longer, its becoming unbearable. I wish i could tell you this, all of it but i know how mean it sounds. There's still a little part of me that hates to hurt people and even the people i hate the most don't deserve to be purposely hurt. I tried to take away the pain, the pain you bring with you . I have gone to extremes to stop this pain and nothing works! My body screams for peace, peace inside itself. If it can have anything, if i can have anything...let that be it! I need that! My body will fall apart, it already is! My heart use to pure, innocent but since then hatred has invaded and turned every positive thought into a negative, every compliment to an insult! I am no longer the girl you first met. I'm no longer innocent and pure everything dark has eaten it away. I'm everything you despise. Leave! Let me be! Let me cry in the corner and despise what i have become! I don't even know who i am any more! The evil, hatred has eaten at my soul and it's all because of my hate for you...please leave me alone your presence is too much! No one can help me, I'm a lost cause. I still don't know why i hate you but let this be clear, stay away from me. Its for your own good, I'm everything you despise and i know it. I don't want to hurt you but when you come close that's what i automatically do so please for your own benefit, stay away from me, i deserve it...