Alone in the night

Kneeling silently on the circular rug on the floor, not a stich of fabric to grace my still form I wait. I wait for He who commands my Soul. I bow my head in acknowledgement that something I said or did was wrong, and that I was no longer fit company for the Master's spirit. The room is empty and dark...all the lights are off. My spirit is heavy and tortured, for it is unsure exactly what we did wrong to cause Him to turn His back on us. All we know is the pain of separation and the agony of ignorance.



I look inwards, I was not always the slave that He now owns. I was once a headstrong girl to whom nothing was barred and who had little patience for anyone else's shortcomings. He taught me how to love without fear, how to trust without bitterness and how it is that under the tightest bonds, I am at my most free. I know that I am not perfect. He has outlined things for me to change in myself, things to correct that in order to be acceptable to Him I must continuously work on.



I seek to not complain about my situation in any case, no matter how dire or if by complaining it would somehow bring ease to my discomfort. I seek to open myself daily to the love of the universe, to give and to receive it with equal parts joy and laughter. I seek to be obedient to Him in all things, judging His mood and emotions so that I may never harm them, even accidently. I seek to constantly be the one who understands Him, opening my mind, spirit and heart to Him in ways that I have not, nor ever will open myself to another. I seek to follow His lead when it is His desire to do so, just as I seek to lead Him correctly when He should desire to follow.



Last but certainly not least and perhaps the most important: I seek to love him with all of my fiber and being, regardless of how He might feel for me. My love is unconditional and I have no desire for my Master to change for to me, He is perfect as He is and any changes He might desire to make should be His choice and not for some scrap of a slave who would happily lick the soles of the b oots you worse to take out the garbage if it meant that you knew how I adore, love and honor you.



Coming out of my mind, still I am kneeling in the middle of this circular carpet, and still tears run freely down my fever heated face as I sway a little and avoid falling to the side from exhaustion. I firm up my position and prepare to wait, quietly, Obediently all night for His return, and to hear if I am graced or if I am left to linger, alone caught in a web of love that I have to desire to escape even though sometimes it cuts me deeper than the sharpest knife.



As medication allows, I shall lay wakeful watching for Your return, my Beloved. It is my hope that I will be permitted to show You the depth of my desire and love.