The Real Action

(Total Words: 745)

The Real Action
By HHL

I called 911. There was no sense being the hero, or Curious George. Or Dora the Explorer.

The package on my porch was simple. Medium-sized. Brown cover. Lots of scotch tape and nothing written anywhere. No sign of whosoever had dropped it there. Many thoughts ran through my mind -- it could be a bomb, a surprise gift, a prank, an empty box or even the head of my favourite dog (I admit, the last one was brought on after seeing The Godfather umpteen times). I was scared, but in control. I stared at it, composing my thoughts. That is when, it began to ring (alright, scratch out the head of my dog.)

So, I did what every human being, who is not inside a novel or movie, does. I rushed inside, closed the front door and called 911. Not exactly Indiana Jones-sy, but hey, at least I was still alive.

Ten minutes. The cellphone inside was still ringing, when the cops arrived. I met them at the porch, we saw and heard the package with the cellphone inside (presumably, though one cop joked it sounded more like an alarm clock, and was promptly silenced by a withering glance from his superior.)

"What do you wanna do with it?" A cop asked me.

The hell?

"I don't know. Aren't you supposed to call a bomb squad, or something?" I asked.

He pointed at the package, still ringing that irritating tone. "For this?" He asked.

"Sure. What if it's a bomb?" I asked.

"Maybe we should try and open it?" said one genius, from somewhere far behind.

"Somebody's just messin' with us. It's a prank!" said another.

"Or maybe," I said, sarcastically, "they've hidden some donuts inside."

The cops went silent.

"Well, do what you want. Just take this thing away from my house!" I said.

"Who kept it here?" Same genius who suggested opening it.

"How do *I* know?" I answered.

"Didn't you see?" This guy was *definitely* on my nerves and I was beginning to think the cops let anyone into their ranks these days.

"No. Now take it away." I said.

"What if it's from a rich relative who wants to give you, like y'know, some bazillion dollars, but you have to first complete a game -- and that this cellphone is part of the game?"

Was. this. guy. for. real. ?!?!

"I want it out of here officer." I said (with great restraint)

"It's a bomb." Said one of them.

"It's a prank." Said the other.

"We should open it here." That same guy. Stuck on the same track.

"Perez is right. We should open it." Alright, now the cops were finding their backbones. Dangerous thing, if you ask me.

"Nope. I say it's a bomb. Let's take it to the Anti-Disposal Unit." Said another.

"Well, it's nothing!" Same genius who wanted to open it.

He walks up to the package and without warning, lifts it up! We duck reflexively. Then, when nothing happens, slowly stand back upright.

"See?" He smiles. Obviously pleased at his own genius.

I am about to let him have it, when the superior speaks.

"Alright, lets go back to the station and see what it is." He says.

Then he turns to me.

"You alright with that?" He asks me.

"Sure. Just... take this thing away from here." I say.

"Lemme see what's inside." Says the genius.

"Perez. Open it at the station." Says his boss.

"Alright Chief." Replies Perez, obviously smug at the attention he is getting. His genius has been validated, after all.

They file out. Not before they make me sign a few documents. Then, with a screech of their tires, move out in a plume of smoke.

I breathe out. I am curious as to what it contained. But not curious enough to risk opening it without proper precautions.

I turn back and put my hand on the doorknob, when I hear a massive noise. I turn around in time to see a big ball of orange engulf the police cars. The trees and bushes still shivering from the shockwave. A car is suspended mid-air for, like, four seconds, before it falls down to the ground. Charred, burning and absolutely with no chance for any survivors.

I realise. It's the same car the genius who took the box was in.

Must have opened the box.

-- Finis