Thinking of Myself

I am 21 year old person.5’5” or 5’6” tall but on the driver licence it is 5’7”. I don't know what is right. 50-56 kg weight and skinny.lazy to do exercises and has no shape like a muscular man , although i want to be a regular muscular man which has like 60-65 kg and good muscles to impress a common girl. I slightly concern about my nation and its dangerous problems, I am quite scared of them. I want to do something that I can do it easily, somehow I can not find it, or if I had then I seriously don't get it. I just don't know sometime what to do something else than studying , watching tv, playing games, surfing on the internet, chatting with few friends, and if You are not studying than how to make more money. that’s it. I don't know what I can do else.
sometime I realize that there are many people who are doing their job very happily (at least it looks like they are) I wonder in what work I can enjoy too. Sometime I forget that I have enjoyed many time in my life, but quite often I become someone else. I can not find enjoyment time of my past. I know i don't try too much new things nor I like to talk to everybody and not everybody wants to talk to me. I have so many contacts but they are given to me as same as the textbook were given to me when I was in school. They don't give me feelings as i am happy with them. Somehow I managed to adjust with some of them who were really close to my parents rest i don't care and neither they do. Unfortunately, the kind of talking I do inside my brain, I never found somebody talks or thinks like this. I become desperate sometimes to talk to somebody who can accept the wavelength that I send and hopefully can decode it. I had to struggle to get friends and i am doing it everyday. I feel so great when I think that what if people could find their best as friends, life partner(s), parents, sisters/brothers easier than now. I seriously feel sometime so lonely that I just literally want to be with someone to talk, to walk, to play, it really doesn't matter whether or not I know that person , but he or she must at least listen to me. Have you ever feel that when you are sitting with your one best buddy in class and you are getting great thoughts in your mind and you are having so much positive waves and don't know from where? I have felt many times , but if I say this then everyone will see it with another view point and it will be just disaster. I do agree that in past I have felt these waves and those were much more positives than the the one when someone is doing loo. Think how you feel when you don't get to go to loo for long long time and finally while you are doing it you feel such a great feeling you can even sing a song or do dance. Think about that time when you seriously like someone in your college but not everyone is having good image for him/her. However you feel he/she is good person , you like when they help you once a while or just see in your eyes. when walking opposite to each other , you like when they watch you in class until you turn to them then they stop doing that. These are the things that I like when it happened. I do agree that these are the things that has happened in my life and probably will happen again and again. I don't know if I love someone because I don't know what the love exactly is or probably I am finding a real life example relating to myself again as a person like me like earlier I told you about. I may love someone without my consciousness ,but do you call it love when the person himself doesn't know about it? Who knows? Having a good time is like a rare thing for me . I constantly feel to say some things when people in class are saying . I see people laughing after telling something about themselves what others don't know. I feel so different when the person that i want to talk every time is not interested in me. I feel to do something that I can get attention of him/her, but thank god for that I don't have guts to do it.