The Audacity Applicant

Jan was eager to join the Audacity Club
because boldness and judging with thump were her thing.
The Audacity Club was in business to bite,
and indeed had the motto, “In Style we Sting.”

So online she completed the enrollment form
but that was just step one of a longer to do.
She would have to meet face-to-face with those in charge
of new membership for an intense interview.

Thus she went to the interview sour and smug
having left any smile in the parking lot.
The board started to question her on varied things
for they wanted to know what this candidate thought.

It was not very long ‘fore the board heard a bell
when she opined the Pope was on his way to Hell.
Amid self-righteous chalkboard hangnail irritate,
she went on like a burst fireplug spewing hate.

All the board member’s eyes grew inglorious whites
when Jan told them that Gays should not have any rights.
And she told them that she and her husband had ways--
they liked going movies to make fun of Gays.

Then Jan turned to the President and to his wife,
and her comments for the members cut like a knife.
“Gay Obama,” Jan uttered with infinite class,
and she called Michele, “Gorilla,” with equal sass.

A stunned board member spoke up and told her to stop;
“I don’t like what you say, it’s far over the top.”
Yet a bankrupt self-piousness twisted in place
when she gave him the finger and spit in his face.

(A few days after Jan’s most distinct interview,
    she received written notice, succinct and quite plain:
    “We suggest that you join a more radical club,
      for although we’re audacious, we are not insane.”)


32 Lines  (Anapestic Tetrameter)
Writer’s Cramp Winner  November 2, 2013