Rex

Early in the morning….


Rex yawned out loud and picked up the crowbar by his bed and literally pried his eyes open to get ready for the day. He walk to the bathroom to take his medicine and burn the grime off his teeth. Picking up the blow torch Rex got to work melting the stuff off his teeth and commenced going down stairs for breakfast.

As Rex went down the stairs death metal could be heard in the house as he flexed every muscle in his body before opening the cabinet and grabbing the pickled nails and the bottle of acid out of the fridge. Eating the nails and nearly inhaling the acid mixture, he smiled and outside an angel caught fire and span out of control into a semi therefore flipping it and caused it to hurtle into an old lady walking her cat.

Rex went to his closet and took out his flaming business suit and pants that were made from two live crocodiles sewn together by barb wire. He put on the clothing and wrapped a cobra around his neck, and tied it in a tie knot.

Rex went out to his car that still had the blood of a man he ran over on it, and snapped his fingers. The car, out of fear and desperation, started before Rex caused it’s engine to explode and drove off to work.

Along the way Rex noticed a small boy being picked on by two teenagers. Rex grabbed one of them and proceeded to start to literally shove him down the other teen’s throat. The boy said thank you to Rex who said “No problem”, but the smooth, tough, manly way Rex said it caused the boy to hit puberty and soon after spontaneously combusted.

Rex finally made it to his office, and found an IT guy on his computer watching gay porn. Rex disgusted, tore the man's spine out of his back and crushed his skull with it. Rex was unhappy, he always wondered why his computer had gay ads when he searched for things. At that moment, a small baby bird was peeking its head and saw Rex, overloading its small incompetent brain and keeled over dead.

Rex marched up to his boss’s office, with a miniature hurricane brewing behind him. The boss ask what was wrong, but before he could find out his intestine was wrapped around his desk and he was propelled out of his 30 floor building, splatting on the ground and then catching on fire.

Rex yelled loudly, so loudly that people in an alternate dimension heard him and decided to commit suicide. Rex went back to his car and drove home. As he drove, he spit a sunflower seed out of his window, which flew into a mans heart.

Rex hung his coat and crawled into bed, as several women climbed in with him. And then the author soiled himself from how manly he slept before imploding.