Guardian Falls

         It is always the little things that rear up and bite you in the butt.  It is never the shifty guy with a gun that ends up killing you, it is the patch of black ice that sends you careening to your death.  Like when Jimmy Cowen took my place on the 200 meter.  I knew he was good from the practices last year, but it was not until he took my place that I paid any attention to the infuriating runt.  What happened with my brother started out a little thing too.

---

            “What are you doing?” Allen asked.  My 16 year old brother stood by me as I worked on a bike in the school parking lot.
            “Mind your own business, moron,” I said.
            “I was just asking, Simon,” he said and backed up.
            There was a moment of silence while I finished up.  It was a good job too, Jimmy probably would not notice it until he got on his bike.  I could just see the look on his face when the bike seat fell off.
            As we walked away from the school I gave Allen a piercing look.  Nothing needed to be said, he knew what would happen if he ever told Mom about my little surprise for Jimmy.  I was a year older, and much stronger, so he rarely crossed me these days.
            “What are you doing here anyway, aren’t you supposed to be at home?” Allen asked.
            “Practice ran late, nitwit.  Anyway, what are you complaining for? This is the only way Mom will drive all the way down here to pick us up.  She wouldn’t pick up your butt if I wasn’t here too.”  Actually practice was cut short, it was the fifty extra punishment laps that ran late.  Jimmy had it coming anyway, I mean a guy just can’t stand there when someone says something like that.  At least the jerk was still finishing his laps.
         I was looking forward to Mom coming to pick us up, normally I had to take two city buses to get home, and it took forever.  Mom worked at the hospital as a part time nurse, and so I could not count on her coming to pick me me up every day.  Usually she came if I called though, she always wanted to support my swimming since that is what she did in college.
            “Sometimes Mom comes down here just for me.” Allen mentioned, obviously he had been thinking about it for a few minutes.
            “Sometimes, as in almost never,” I replied.
            “That is not true, she comes lots of times.”
            “Oh yeah, name two.”
            “That time when I had that science project …”
                                                                                    “You mean the one that they would not let you take on the bus once you put it together?”
                              “and … that time I was sick throwing up.”
            “Oh that does not count, the school makes Mom come get you when you are barfing all over the school nurse.  Come on, give me a real one.” I could just see the wheels turning in that little head of his.  “Well?”
            “Just ‘cus I can’t remember doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, you know I have a bad memory.”
            “Yeah, so bad you end up making up stuff you wish was true.  Come on, you know as well as I do that Mom doesn’t really have time for us.”
            “She is coming for us now, isn’t she?”
            “Yeah, whatever.  Lets get over there, she should be there soon.” We walked slowly over to the Guardian building.  The high-rise has it’s own entrance, so it is easy for our mom to pick us up without having to turn onto a side road.  Even though it is two blocks from the school, I don’t mind walking there.  It has these cool aztec sculptures and tiles on the facade, I like imagining what life would have been for that aztec warrior on the wall.  They have a free tour of the building that Allen and I have taken at least fifty times.  My favorite part is all the aztec art, but Allen loves the view from the very top.  He says it is calming to just lean up against the glass so he can’t see anything but air, like he was flying.  I say he is nuts.
            We stood there in silence for a few minutes until I noticed some people gathering across the street.  There was a group of people standing in front of the liquor store pointing at something above my head.  They were standing there stunned, a few of them pointing their cell phones up at the top of the building.  I turned and looked up, but I didn’t see anything because the building was seventy stories or so and I was too close.  I started to cross the street to get a better view.  Allen yelled at me to stop, something about a crosswalk or something.  I turned to say something to him and that is when I saw it.
A small dot pushed off the top of the building, growing bigger as it fell.  It made some sort of sound that grew louder as it fell.  It was a man falling, falling from the top of the building, heading straight at us.  He was screaming and flailing his arms as he plummeted down.  Time slowed down as I realized there was a man falling, right there in front of me, and there was no way he was going to survive the fall.
         Out of the corner of my eye there was a vivid blue light that grew quickly and streaked across my vision.  It was close to the ground but it curved up until it intersected with the falling man.  It was a light that seared itself into your vision, like barely contained lightning.  I blinked and saw a white crescent line across my eyelids.  The light slowed down, and resolved itself into two shapes holding each other, and they drifted to a stop on the sidewalk corner.  I could see what the light was now, it was a supolice in full gear.  The light was from his jetpack, quickly fading now that he had landed.  The officer was decked out head to toe in compact armor, white and blue with the word police stenciled across the back.  He had arrived just in time to save the falling man.  I ran over to see that the man was standing on his own and talking to the supoliceman.  A small crowd had I inched a little closer to hear what had happened.
            “Are you alright sir?”
          The man patted his sides and face, surprised to be alive and replied, “I… I think so…”
          Unfazed the supolice continued, “What happened sir?”
            “There is a man up there,” he weakly pointed towards the roof, “with some kind of gun.  He, he forced me off the roof.  I could have died!” His eyes grew big with that last statement.
            The supoliceman made calming motions with his hands, “Yes, yes but you are fine now.  Why did that individual try and kill you?”
            “I do not know.  All I was doing was taking a smoking break, and this crazy guy came at me with this huge gun,  It was huge.  Like so big you don’t think its real but then it is and its nasty black and in my face, and” he paused for a second then said, “he might still be up there, you need to go get him before he gets away!”
            The supolice turned away from the man and spoke into his shoulder, “This is SR-7 to command, please respond.”  A tinny sound came out of his shoulder and he responded, “Yeah, this is SR-7 requesting basic back-up at Griswold and Congress.  We have a possible 1190.”  His shoulder responded and he turned towards the man he saved.
            I started to back up at this point.  I turned to my side and saw Allen standing there.  I grabbed his shoulder and started to walk away, “Come on man, this has nothing to do with us.”
            He struggled against my hand and said, “Let go, I want to stay.”
            “Mom will be worried if she does not see us, lets go.”  Actually, I just hate all police.  They always make me nervous, even when I didn’t do anything.  I do not know, it is just like they might arrest me because I said something false or something.  And the supolice are even worse, cops with wires messing with their heads.  What if some day they bust a circuit and go nuts killing everyone?  No one could stop them, and you could not get away fast enough.  Freaky.
            I pulled Allen over to the curb just as Mom drove up.  I let Allen sit in front and I slumped in the back.  I just got tired all of a sudden, it was like the laps caught up with me all of a sudden.  Allen told Mom all about the supolice rescue,  going on and on about it, gushing really.  I would have set him straight that day about supolice not being heros, just property, but I was just too tired to care.

---

         I should have payed attention to him that day, maybe I could have talked him out of it.  I guess it is too late now, but I find myself thinking about that day a lot now.
         I went to visit Allen today, they say chances are good that he will come out of the coma.  I don't know what I would say to him if he does.

---

         The next year we made Regionals, and I shaved my legs for the meet.  They say shaving your legs gives you a half a second advantage, and I needed all the help I could get.  I was on the medley race, in the key breaststroke position.  Jimmy was swimming the last leg with his awkward front crawl, and our team needed every millisecond it could spare if we were going to have a chance at winning.
         Anyway so I shaved my legs for the meet and it felt really weird.  I thought a lot about which direction to shave them as I sat there after locking myself in the bathroom.  After trying both ways I discovered up is much smoother, and going slow was essential.  It felt so weird walking around after that, I kept adjusting my underwear as I walked around the house (I had done some manscaping while I was at it, and it felt weirder than my legs). 
         It took my family three hours to notice, not until we were all watching tv, sitting on the couch.  Allen was the first one, he was staring at my legs for at least a minute before he said, “Did, did you... did you shave your legs?”
         “Yeah, I did, it’s for swimming,” I said and threw a blanket across my legs. 
         “You shaved your legs?” He asked again, and reached over and lifted the blanket to see my freshly shaved calves.
         “Its for swimming, it helps you swim faster,” and I batted his arm away.
         My dad entered the conversation at this point and said, “Simon, uh...”  I could see his face screw up as he tried to figure out how to say it.  The man drove truck for a living and I could just see what his neanderthal brain was thinking and trying not to say.
         “Freak, Dad.  I am not going all fruity on you, it helps me swim faster.  Look it up,” I said and walked out of the room to go chill in my room.
         “I didn’t say ...” Dad said as I walked out of the room.  He is so clueless most of the time.  It is not like he knew me anyway.  He was gone for weeks on end sometimes even though he promised Mom he would be home every Sunday when he started that job.
         An hour later Allen came and opened my door and stood in the doorway.  He stepped into the room before he reconsidered and leaned back onto the door frame.  He stood there for a second before I said, “What?”
         He looked at the floor for a second and said, “They say it takes a half second off your times,” and pointed at my legs with his chin.
         “Or a whole second, depends on how hairy you were before,” I replied.
         We sat in silence for a bit before he continued, “They have to shave everything before the operation too.” I must have looked confused so he continued, “The supolice, they have to shave everything before they get the suit grafted on.” He rubbed the back of his neck, “Hair interferes with the suit bonding, so they have to keep everything shaved.”
         I considered this for a second and said, “So they are all bald under that helmet, even the girls?”
         “There are only six women in the program, almost all of the supolice are men, but yeah even the women are bald.”
         “Freaky.  Just one fact on the creep out list.  Those things are going to go beserk one of these days.”
         “They are not things, they are people, just people in a suit,” Allen protested.
         I replied with my hands waving, “They have a computer inserted into their brain, in their brain, shoved right through their skull, and it tells them just what to do.”
         “The simstell unit doesn’t tell them what to do, it just helps them think better and control their augments.  Like that cop we saw flying and saving that one guy, he had to time his flight just right to catch him.  Calculating the g-forces and flight angles involved, so he can catch and not crush him, would be impossible for an unenhanced brain.”
         He was about to go on before I held up my hand and said, “Hold up.  When did you become a robo-lover?  Those things stopped being people long ago.”
         “I am not a robo-lover,” he said with air quotes.  “I am just informed, and you could be too, look into it yourself.”
         “Whatever, get out of here.  And don’t let Dad hear you talk that way, he hates them enough as it is.”
---
         I don’t know how I missed him entering the academy.  Our school had a junior Police Academy program that helped graduates get into the real Police Academy.  They wore their cadet uniforms to school once a week and did drills after school, more often that I had swim practice actually.  I am sure Allen came home one day and had a long talk about it with Mom, even agreed to pay for his own uniform and everything.  Dad really hated the supolice and all enhanced people, but he had nothing against regular police so I am sure he was fine with it, if he heard about it at all that is. 
         But the first I found out about it is when I saw him in uniform on the bus.  I shifted over to sit near him on the bench seat and shoved his backpack closer to him so I had room.  He was sitting there with his green and blue uniform, freshly starched, with his hat in his lap.  Did he do that himself or did Mom help him, I wondered.  After looking him up and down I asked, “What is up with the uniform?  Did you join the ROTC? I thought you hated war.”
         “Not the army, the police.  I joined the Metro Academy,” he replied while staring straight ahead.
         “Police? Huh.  Is that new?”
         “Nope.”
         We sat in silence for a while before a thought occurred to me, “Wait, why are you really in the Academy?  You never wanted to be a cop before.”
         He turned to me slowly and said, “What do you care? I have been in the academy for two weeks and this is the first you noticed.”
         “I knew you were doing something,” I lied, “I just thought you were in the army is all.  Don’t avoid the question, dick.  Why are you in the academy?  You can’t become a supoliceman, Dad would never let you.”  I hit his arm for emphasis.
         Allen did say anything for a moment, then turned and pointed to a girl sitting three rows ahead of us, also in a cadet’s uniform.  “You don’t know the program exists, but Julie up there knows you.  She knew you won last week’s race before I did.  Do you want me to find out if she likes you?” He said.
         “What? No, quit trying to change the subject,” I said, then leaned out to look at Julie for a second.  I leaned back in and said, “When did you talk to her anyway?”
         “We have third and fourth periods together, everyone in the Academy does.  I think she likes you, I could ask her today.”
         “Don’t!” I lowered my voice a bit, “I mean don’t just go asking her, try to bring it up naturally.  See if she is really interested in me or if she just likes swimming.”
         “If she liked swimming, she would be a swimmer,” he paused before continuing, “How about I ask if she knows how well Jimmy did in the last race, to see if it is just you she is interested in?”
         “Yeah sure,” I said, then leaned back and looked off in the distance, “Or whatever, I don’t even know if I would be interested in her.”
         “Believe me, you are interested.” Allen said as he held both hands cupped a few inches in front of his chest.
I hit him again in the arm, not as hard this time. 
         Three weeks later I asked Julie out on a date and she said yes.  This made it easier to like Allen, and I made sure he got to come when Mom picked me up from school now.  I stayed after school for swimming and he stayed after for the Academy.  They ran drills and practiced maneuvers and even did marches in the parking lot.  You would think that he would forgive me for assuming this was for the army, but he always pointed out that they were the good guys, no one would die on his watch. 
         One day I was waiting outside his classroom for the Academy to finish so we could go home together.  The door was open and so I could hear the instructor talking, “So we talked about this last week, but I just wanted to remind you about the supolice aptitude tests Friday.  They are being held in the Harris center building two blocks south of here, its the one that says ‘Youth for Detroit’ on the outside.”
         This sounded interesting so I moved closer to the door.  He continued, “Now I know that most of you won’t have the aptitude to join the supolice, their criteria are rather strict.  But I recommend you go anyway because taking the test looks good on your application to Police Academy.  Besides, if you go, you get to see a supoliceman up close, and trust me, their hardware is impressive.”
         The instructor dismissed the class and I picked Allen up and we started walking out to the Guardian building.  We walked in silence for a block before I asked, “Are you going to take the test Friday?”
         Allen looked up surprised and said, “You know about that?”
         “Yea, I know and I was wondering if you were going to take the test.  I know you want to."
         He looked at me and then at the ground, "I do. I actually want to go.  I won’t though, Dad does not want me to and he said he would never pay the test fee.  Whatever, I never would have gotten in anyway."
         We walked in silence for a bit and I said, "I think you should take it anyway.  You want to and it would eat you up inside not knowing if you got in."
         "I thought you hated the supolice?" Allen replied.
         "Meh, I don't want to be one, but I guess it is ok if you want to be one.  Plus Julie has told me a lot about the "Super Augmented Police", she wants to take the test too."
         Allen smiled, "Oh, you don't care about me, you are just thinking with your pants."
         I swung at him and he danced away.  “No!” I said, “I love you, you are my brother and I think you should take it, because you really want to.”
         “What does it matter? Even if I wanted to, I don’t have fifty bucks to cover the fee.”
         “I could pay,” I offered.
         Allen looked up at me sharply to see if I was joking, “Really? You would pay for me? That is a lot of money.”
         “Yeah whatever, you would owe me forever, but I will pay for you and come with you if you want,” I said and looked at him in askance.
         We arrived at the culvert in front of the Guardian building before Allen answered and said, “Yeah sure.  I would like that.  Maybe I can pay you back by setting you up with someone else when you mess things up with Julie.  She is way too good for you and she is going to figure that out eventually.”
         I swung at him a few times before I laughed and gave up.  We sat there waiting for Mom, with the Aztec warriors standing guard above us on the building face.

---

         That's why I blame myself I guess, if he had never taken the test, the rest of this never would have happened.  If I could time travel to my past self, that would be the one thing I changed.  But time just keeps ticking on, and Allen keeps sleeping in the hospital bed beside me.

---

         The test was really anti-climatic when Friday rolled around.  We went to the youth center and waited in line for an hour while the other applicants took their test.  The supoliceman was supposed to be there, but we never saw him.  In the testing area they had set up several screens in a 360 view around the applicant, and they attached a helmet with bundles of wires leading up from each side of the helmet back to a mess of wires and computer towers behind him.  They flashed images and videos on the monitors for a few minutes and then asked them a few questions afterward. 
         While we were waiting in line Allen asked, “Why are you doing this?  I mean I know you used to hate the supolice, why are you so nice now?”
         “Can’t a brother do something nice for you once in a while?”
         “No I appreciate it, it is just that you have never done it before.” 
         “Look, if you don’t want me to, we can go right now.  I am here for you, not for me.  I still hate being around cops, even if you are going to become one.”
         Allens eyes grew wide at the threat of leaving, “No, no, I want you here.  I am sorry I brought it up.  Forget I said anything. Ok?”
         I waved my hand at this and we went back to waiting.
         When it was Allen’s turn I paid my 50 bucks in fives and ones and signed as my Dad.  I was worried about them asking for ID, but they did not even glance at me after I handed over the cash.  Then Allen got fitted with the helmet, and watched the videos.  He didn’t even shoot at anything, they just had him stand there.  Afterword a lady came and sat in front of him and asked him a few questions while he was still wired up.  Then he was done, less than fifteen minutes start to finish. 
         “That was it?” I asked as we walked away.
         “Yeah that was it, they just want to see how your brain works.  They use the helmet to see how different parts of your brain light up to different stimuli.”
         “Stimuli? Aren’t we fancy?” I asked.
         “Videos, they watch to see how you react to the videos,” Allen replied exasperated.
         “I know what it means Einstein.”
         “Anyway, the test is there to see how your brain works, how fast the neurons fire and what not, to see if you could be compatible with the wetware in the simstell unit they install in your brain.  Your brain has to work just right in order for it to understand and use all the information the simstell unit can provide.”
         “And thats all they do? No quizzes, no action? I kind of feel jipped, my fifty bucks did not go far.”
         “It went plenty far, and I really appreciate it.  I owe you a big one, and I will pay you back one day I promise.”
         “Eh, don’t worry about it, just promise to give me a jetpack ride one day.”
         He paused for a bit and said, “Simon, I am not delusional, I know the chances of me being compatible are slim to none.  Still, I was glad to take the test.  I want to know for sure, you know?”
         “Yeah.  When do they tell you anyway?” 
         “Monday after school.  They have a recruiter come in if anybody in the class passes the test.”
         “Cool.” I put my arm around him and we spent the rest of the bus ride in silence.

---

         He passed the test.  Of course he passed the test, it is all he has been thinking about for years since he first saw the supolice rescue that guy.  Allen probably changed his thought patterns through sheer force of will.  He was more surprised than me though.
         When I came to pick him up from class that day everyone else had already left and he was talking to the recruiter.  Allen saw me standing in the doorway and quickly excused himself.
         “So what is that about?” I said.
         “I passed the test,” Allen said as he brushed by me.
         I hurried up to him and said, “Well congratulations, aren't you happy?”
         “Yeah sure,” He said without looking at me.
         “What? What is it? Isn’t this what you wanted?”
         “Of course this is what I wanted, but I never thought I would get it.  But now they want me to go to a special Academy across town, and they told everyone, and everyone knows but Mom and Dad, and Dad is going to flip out, and Dad said no but we did it anyway, and now I am dead, so very dead.” He said the last part and stood still.
         “Oh. Oh crap,” I said as it dawned on me that this really was a big deal.
         “Yeah. Crap does not begin to say it.”
         I started to walk again, thinking of ways out of it.  Allen did not follow me though.  I turned back and said, “Come on.”
         “I don’t want to go home right now, tell Mom I am out with friends or something.”
         I stood there looking at him for a minute before the idea came to me, “No, come home right now.  Lets tell Mom right away and get her on our side, that way she can break it to Dad.”
         “Won’t she be mad?”
         “Oh yeah she will be mad, we are going to be grounded forever, but she knows that Dad will be madder.  She will help, trust me.”
         Allen made a stutter step towards me and then stopped and said, “We?”
         “Yeah, we are in this together, they will find out I signed for you, might as well tell them right away.”
         We talked about a game plan the whole ride home, and agreed that we would casually bring it up after dinner.  Mom knew something was up right away though, and got it out of us within five minutes of walking through the door.
         “What were you thinking, Simon?” She asked as soon as she found out.
         “Me? He wanted to take the test, I just helped him,” I said defensively.
         “Of course he wanted to take the test, Allen can’t help that he is obsessed.  But I expected more from you.  You are a senior in high school for goodness’ sake,” she said and threw up her hands, “Did you even consider what this would do to your father?  Did you even think for one second?”
         I stood there looking at my feet, not willing to admit the truth.
         Mom started walking in circles before she said, “Shit.  I better tell him before he gets home, give him some time to cool off.” She grabbed her phone and walked into the bedroom.  I heard her start talking before she closed the door behind herself, “Hey honey, I got some upsetting news, can you pull over so we can talk?  Yeah, no.  You are going to want to pull over.”
         A half hour later she came out of her room and said, “Ok your father will be home in a few hours and it is probably best that you are not home when he gets here.  Why don’t you go to the movies?  Simon, since you seem to have money to spare, you can pay for it.”
         Allen went back to his room to change and I felt like I had to defend myself, “I was just trying to be nice, it is not my fault Dad is prejudiced, why does he hate the augmented anyway?”
         Mom gave me a long hard look before replying, “You are a good kid Simon, but damn it if you aren’t self centered.” She sat down and continued, “Who do you think Dad competes against when he is driving truck?  One of the first low level augments they had went to help keep our roads safer with augmented truck drivers.  They are safer and they can go longer without sleeping, they have fewer accidents and they always get the higher paying freight.  And five years ago when the normal drivers with England Trucking went on strike, they were all fired.  All of them, including your father.  He thought he could get a job with one of the other firms, but he never did.  That is why he is an independent driver and never has enough time at home, and he blames it all on the augmented.  And now your brother wants to become one of them.” She raised her hand to stop my inevitable protest, “I know you think they are different, but he doesn’t, they are all robots to him.”
         We went to the movies and had a terrible time.  We couldn’t stop worrying about what was happening at home.  It was after eleven by the time we got home, and Mom told us to go to bed quietly because Dad was already in bed.  The next morning Dad was already gone.  Mom said he decided to pick up another freight and would be gone for another three days.
         Allen and I did not talk much the next day, we just went home and spent time in our own separate rooms.  It was like there was a death sentence hanging over our heads, and we were just waiting for the axe to drop.  I felt bad about it and wanted to comfort Allen, but whenever tried to talk to him, nothing came out.  I started to wish that he had never joined the Academy in the first place and started resenting him for it.
         That night Dad skyped in and talked to Allen.  I was in the next room, but I turned down the TV so I could hear.
         “Allen,” was my dad’s one word greeting.
         Allen deflated a bit and replied, “Hi Dad.”
         “Am I really? Am I really your Dad?  Because a son of mine would know better than to get mixed up in this augment stuff.  Seriously, what the crap where you thinking?” Dad said, his voice getting louder as he went.
         “I’m sorry,” Allen said and held up his hands.
         “What came over you? I really expect more from you, you have enough brains that this should have never occurred to you.  Did Simon put you up to this?” Dad asked, actually expecting an answer this time.
         “No!” Allen said, took a breath, and continued calmer, “No, it was all me.  I just wanted to make the world a better place, and make a good living.  Isn’t that what you want? Us to make a good living so we don’t end up like you?”
         “There is nothing wrong with the way I live my life,” Dad said defensively.  “And there are much much better ways to make a good living.  You have a good head on your shoulders, use that.  Don’t let them take that away from you with their implants and programs.” Dad paused for a bit, and I could hear the background noises of the diner he was in, before he continued, “I was just calling to say I love you and I want you to make better choices.  We will talk more when I get home.”
         When Dad finally came home two days later he was very calm.  Mom stood at his shoulder and told us to sit at the table with him.  Dad turned to Allen and told him he was not mad at him for taking the test, and continued by saying. “I know you want to be a supoliceman because you see the good that they do, but there is more to it than that, they gain power but lose their soul.  There are very good reasons I don’t want you to be augmented, and I don’t expect you to understand now, but I hope you do when you are older.  I have talked to the school and told them that you will not be attending the Supolice Academy.”
         “But! You can’t do that!” Allen protested.
         “I am your father, I can and I did.  You are my son and I won’t have them ripping away what makes you human.  The supolice do some good, but the cost is too great.”
         Allen sat there for a second his mouth closing and opening, not saying a thing, then he abruptly got up and went to his room, slamming the door loudly once inside.
         Dad watched Mom walk around the corner before turning on me with hard eyes.  “Don’t you dare try to take my place again,” he said and quickly backhanded me across the face. 
         I was too surprised to say anything, so I just got up and went to my room.

---

         It seemed like Allen accepted Dad’s decree, and months went by without any word from him about the supolice, or augments in general.  Life returned to normal, but with much less interaction between Allen and me.  Mom tried for weeks to cheer him up, but soon stopped trying.  Months passed.  It was not until I was waiting for a college acceptance letter that I discovered a different kind of acceptance letter.  It was a letter from Detroit Metro Police, Allen had been accepted to the supolice program.
         I showed the letter to Mom, and she surprised me by saying, “Oh Allen will be so happy!” She paused and looked at me,          “Allen has been going to the Academy anyway, I went to the school and signed all the forms myself.  Your father may not want to believe it but Allen is special and he can do a lot of good for others and himself in the program.”
         “What? Mom are you crazy? Dad will flip!”
         “Your father does not need to know yet, and Allen has to be eighteen before they install any of the augments anyway.  I know that your father will accept him when he sees that he is still the same old Allen.  He wants to do this, and I won’t let your father’s bigotry stand in the way,” She looked at me earnestly, “Will you?  Now that you know, what are you going to do?”
         I backed away and talked to the wall, “Ah man, why did you do that? Why not wait until Allen is older and out of the house?”
         “The program needs young minds, the longer he waits, the harder it is to interface with the wetware.”
Several swear words came to mind.  I kicked the chair and said, “Ok fine, I won’t tell Dad either.  But don’t blame me when this all blows up in your faces.”
         I saw Allen later that day and I saw it now.  He was happier than before, he didn’t just disappear when he got home from school.  I wondered if Dad would see it too if he was home more often.  Or would he just be as self centered as me, and miss all the signs.
         “That was a real jerk move, Allen,” I said when we had a moment alone.
         “What? What are you talking about?” He said and looked around to see what he might have done.
         “You went to the Supolice Academy without telling Dad or me.  I can understand Dad, even though he might never forgive you, but why didn’t you tell me?  I was the one helped you take the test, how come you couldn’t trust me with this?” I asked with a piercing gaze.
         Allen looked right back at me and said, “Why didn’t you ask?” he continued, “Dad destroyed my dreams and you never once stood up for me.  Mom tried to help, to cheer me up, but where were you?  I was hurting, and my only brother never once came to my room to talk, never once asked me how I was doing.” He sighed and continued, “You never gave me a reason to trust you.”
         He was right, but that only made me angrier and I said, “Ok fine, but I am not the only self-centered one in this family.  You are in the supolice program for yourself, but the family does not revolve around you.  You have already decided that you don’t love Dad enough to respect his wishes, but have you considered what will happen with Mom and Dad when he finds out?  This shit is really important to Dad and he won’t just be mad at you.  He will feel like Mom stabbed him in the back.  Your selfishness might just cost Mom her marriage, have you thought of that?”
         The look on Allen’s face showed that he clearly hadn’t thought of all the fallout from Dad discovering what he had been up to.  He stood up and left me without another word.
         Later that night Mom came up to me and said, “Now that you know about Allen, you should come tomorrow night to the field test.  They are going to wire Allen up to a full suit for the first time and he will start practicing.  It would mean a lot to him if you came.”
         “I don’t think he wants me to come, we just fought earlier,” I said and gestured lamely to where we had been sitting.
         She said, “I know, I heard.  You were both in the wrong, but this is a good first step to coming back together.  Allen is nervous about the test, some of the cadets can’t get the suit to work at all and they wash out of the program.  If you were there it would help, I am sure.”
         I said I might go, but I would make no promises.  Mom sent me a reminder text the next day, an hour before the test, but by then I was at home and just did not feel like going out again.  I figured Allen did not really want me to be there anyway.
         I had fallen asleep on the couch by the time Mom walked in the door at 10pm.
         “Is he here?” She asked, insistent.
         “Huh, Who?” I said
                           “Allen.  Is Allen here?” Mom asked, frantic.
         “No, isn’t he with you?” I said.
         “He was, but something happened at the test, he thinks he washed out and he left, upset.  I have been looking for him for an hour.”  She looked at me angrily, “I tried calling you, why didn’t you answer?”
         “I must have dozed off. Sorry.”
         She shook her head and said, “Whatever, your brother is missing, we need to find him.” She started walking back out the door.  As she did, she got your her cell and called someone, “Yeah Jeff, he is not at home, where could he have gone?” She listened for a bit and said, “Ok, you look at the school, I will try the hospital, sometimes he likes to visit me there.”
         “Mom?” I said tentatively, “What happened?”
         She hung up with Jeff and said, “Well you would know if you were there!” She put her hand to the bridge of her nose and continued quieter, “Sorry, it’s not your fault.  So Allen took the test tonight.  They had him all wired up in the suit and he couldn’t move it at all.  The told me later that it was part of the test, to see how he would deal with failure, but he did not know that.  They told him he failed and he was probably washed out.  He did not take it well.” She looked at me and continued, “He flipped out.  He was really upset, tearing out the leads and tossing the suit.  I couldn’t get to him before he was out running past the parking lot.  I have been looking for him ever since.”
         “Ok, we have to find him and let him know it was just a test,” I said and started following Mom out the door.
         “No,” She said as she held up her hand, “You have to stay here in case he comes home.  Call me the second you see him.” 
         I stood in the living room pacing back and forth feeling helpless.  I called Julie, but she had not seen him, and I was shocked to discover I did not have the numbers to any of his other friends.  It was agony knowing that he was missing and I couldn't help.
         A thousand worse case scenarios ran through my head. What if he got jumped and that is why he couldn’t answer his phone? What if he had tried to prove he was a cop and was now at the mercy of some gang? What if he had been hit by a car and was slowly dying in a ditch somewhere? What if, what if, what if?
         Finally I had enough and I had to go and do something, anything, to be useful.  I had Julie come over and stay at the apartment and call me if anyone came by. I grabbed my jacket and headed out to the bus stop.  This late there were not many buses running but I did not know where I was going either, so I took the time to think.
         By the time the bus came, I knew where I was going.  It was agony sitting there through the ride and transfer, hoping that I was right, or even that I was wrong and he was found somewhere else.  I kept checking my phone obsessively, thinking that I had missed a call, but it remained blank.
         When I got there I knew I was right, this must be the place, he would want some peace and this was not too far from the soccer field they were testing at earlier that night.  At night the Guardian building loomed large, the top disappearing into the night sky.  This late the building was closed, but Allen and I knew some ways around it from our many visits there.
         I got to the top floor, the observation deck and ran to the window hoping to see him there, but the floor was empty, only the silent lights of the city looking back at me.  I sat down on the floor with my back to the window, defeated.  If not here, where?
         It was then I noticed that the service door to the roof was opened.  That should never be open, it was only there to service the lights on the roof, and I had never been up there no matter how many times I asked the tour guides.  Too dangerous they said, no guard rails.
         I climbed up the stairs with a fair amount of dread, not knowing if I wanted to find him up there.  Allen was up there though, standing at the very edge of the roof, silhouetted against the stars and lights of the city.  I made a quick call to Mom to let her know he was here and started walking towards him.
         “This is where he was you know,” Allen said without turning around.
         “Allen?” I said.
         “The guy the supolice caught, this is where he was when he jumped. They caught the guy that forced him off the roof, but they never found out why he was up here in the first place.” He said and stepped up on to the edge of the roof.
         “Allen! Don’t do it!  It was just a test!” I said, fumbling for words, “No one can make the suit go the first time, they just want you to try.  Come back, it is not the end of the world. We love you, don’t jump.”
         He turned to me, the heels of his feet up against the very edge, and said, “Oh, I know.  I figured that out after I cooled off.  But don’t you see? I failed anyway.  Running off like that was the real failure, they want cops who can take failure and not give up.  Thats not me really.”
         “Don’t say that, you can try again, they can give you other tests,” I said, not knowing if it was true, “Look, I am sorry I wasn’t there, come down here and we can talk about it.”
         He smiled at me, an honest smile, and said, “Simon, it really isn’t about you.”  He looked over his shoulder to the ground below for a long  moment before saying, “Tell Dad I love him.”          
         Before I could move, he jumped. No, he dove, a perfect dive, like off a high dive, with his hands together and his body straight.  I leaped to the edge and time slowed as I saw him falling, straight down like an arrow, as if he was trying to get there as quick as possible.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw a vivid blue light that grew quickly and streaked across my vision.  It was close to the ground, curving only slightly to intersect with Allen.  The blue light seared itself into my vision.  I blinked and saw a straight line across my eyelids.  The light slowed down, and resolved itself into two shapes, but only one of them upright as they came to a rest on the sidewalk.
         I arrived at the ground floor just before the paramedics did, Mom must of called the police after I called her.  Allen was laying on the ground motionless, but the supoliceman stopped me before I could rush to him.  I watched as they loaded him into the ambulance, I could not even go with him since they would not believe I was his brother.

---

         It turns out that the supoliceman got to Allen too late, he was going full speed by the time he caught him, and broke his back in the process.  They say they can fix his back, but he has to come out of the coma first.  I have been visiting him every day since.  Mom and I take shifts, talking to him, hoping to get him to come back to us.  But I have a feeling it is not our voices he is listening for.