Smoke In The Wind

Smoke in the Wind

I try to get it, to grasp it but nothing is clear. Have you ever had that feeling? The feeling you get when the day prior is of little importance. Everything is for nothing because memory fails to retain its presence . You feel the imprint it's left on you but become lost as you try to fish it out. The thoughts, dreams and aspirations are all gone. If there is one thing I've learned, it is that all the effort put in never gets the same output. Nothing ever correlates, nothing ever settles. All thoughts are smoke in the wind.

This is how I was thinking as I woke up that morning. In a state of lethargy I went through the daily routines. I danced around with my thoughts as I envisioned a flowing, white mist who interlinked her hands with mine. We were gracefully gliding across the floor but it ended after the finally note punctured the ballroom atmosphere. Life is like a dance.Sometimes it's rough and deadly, bearing resemblance to grungy street dancers. Other times it resembles the swift, effortless movements of ballerinas but like every dance, life must end. Daily routines, they seem redundant but they have such meaning. With their consistency you develop a sense of comfort. Without them you go down the spiraling slide of uncertainty. The milk splashes on my Cheerios until it soaks them down to their core. I go to take a bite but I can't go through with it. Why should I worry about feeding myself when my soul is left unfed. Once I was done washing the sins of the previous day down the drain I got dressed and left to go to work. Eventually I arrive at the fast food parking lot. Everyone working there are slaves to their own convictions, or in their case lack of. I'm just about to start up the death machine known as the fryer when I notice her.

She moves around so delicately as if she is contemplating every step. Her hair is blonde intertwined with strands of green.Her eyes are green with specks of purple. Now that I think about it they also had a gold hue to them.She walks up to me.Suddenly my hands become clammy and my heart starts thumping.
She walks up to me and says
" I know." She says this in such a self assured way that I am startled.

"What exactly do you know?"

" I know about everything you can't lie to me." At this point I'm becoming paranoid. Everything, what exactly does she mean? She definitely doesn't know. How could she?
"Don't worry I won't tell anyone. If I did you would be in big trouble. I just have one question, why?" When she asks the question  I don't know what to say. I'm fully aware of the consequences I'll face if I tell her. I guess because of this I'm hesitant. She senses my hesitation and steers the conversation in a different direction.
"Okay fine. You don't  wanna tell me. I get it." I expected her to say something else but instead an awkward silence replaces the familiar sound of her voice. It's absurd really. I met her only minutes ago and it feels like we are best friends.Best friends don't saturate themselves in silence every time they meet so I talk about other things to pass the time. We talk about our dreams, our hobbies and as we indulge in each other's personal life I feel at ease.

" This feels so natural talking to you." Once I say that I immediately regret it. Instead of looking away she does the exact opposite.With intense eyes of understanding she glances at me as we continue talking.

" Shouldn't you be taking that customer's order?" With a smirk on her face I looked past her and notice a little, old lady patiently waiting for me to take her order.I motioned her over and she wobbles towards the counter. The old person smell hits my nostrils.Three minutes later she walks out with her paper bag, packed with a healthy serving of two Big Macs and three ten piece chicken nuggets. For a old lady she certainly had an appetite.

" Okay where were we?"  I look around but I couldn't find her. I keep on looking to no avail. Suddenly I hear a booming voice. I'm too dizzy to even try to match a face with it but it didn't matter.

" Freddie you are so lazy, a slacker! A nobody!Its a wonder how you still have a job!"

"Maybe it's because I'm your only employee." I swear my boss can be a tool sometimes.

"What were you doing anyways? You just sat there all day talking to yourself. You didn't serve one customer. To make matters worse you arrived here at two o clock in the afternoon."

" I did take care of a  customer, in fact I just served a little old lady." Of course when I said this my boss ignored me.

"You could be something if you put your mind to it. Why don't you do something with your life instead of getting...

" I know why I do it. " I say interrupting him. Now he becomes interested. His head tilts as he waits for what I have to say.

" Have you ever danced with your thoughts.I have. I know who my one true friend is. She won't leave me, not now ,not ever. Everything else is like smoke in the wind."