Warrior Fighting

He was my heart, struggling with me; fighting with all his might. A man, inside, that knew me, maybe from long ago, maybe just for now; but he knew me. He listened to my every thought intentively; saw every moment with perfect clarity. Who was this man, and how did he get inside my heart? Well, that's a long story. One worth your time. The secret to the man, isn't the story though. It's my commitment. A commitment made by me to be forever betrothed to his plan. I often ask myself, how have I gotten myself into a similar situation, that I've already gotten myself out out of, several times before. Rhetorically, this should be the easiest question to answer, because it would be the same; I haven't changed. Sure, some of what I believe has changed, some of what I've done has changed, but really all in all; I'm still the same person, with the same mind, and the same past. To expect me to be anything else, other than that which I already am; would be absurd, yet each day, I wake up, and ask myself this same question.What was I thinking? And herein lies the basis of my concerns. At what point did I decide I had to be good enough simply just to be? Where did this insight of reason develope? And lastly, who decides what's to be accompanying my thought patterns of movement? I believe the answers come gradually, but I also believe they're questions worth taking the time to answer. I have a hunch, there's a bigger battle going on than meets the eye. Also I believe life cannot be lived inside the mind of reasonings, and careful strategies; because having a one track mind, leans most closely toward narrow opportunities, and easy manipulability. If I didnt have a big destination ahead, I don't believe I would have had to fight as hard as I have fought to get here. I ponder through definitions of life, and meaning of existance, almost daily, because I want to experience life to the full. Not out of my family's minds, not out of my friends' minds, but out of my heart; the place I'm most timid to endure, because it puts my life at absolute surrender.