Visit From the Other Side

The night air was hot as I sat in the grass, looking up at the clear sky. The stars were brighter than they'd been in a long time, each one shining gloriously. I sat there and thought. Thought about the world, life. Was there really a heaven, or is that just something we come up with in order to be able to handle death? Or when we die, do our souls become stars, shining upon the living on the Earth? Was there anything among the stars? Another world, filled with other species? Were they like us, or completely different?
“You look like you're thinking awfully hard about something,” a strangely familiar voice mused from behind me, almost like a dream. Instead of turning around, I tried to place the voice. Nicole? Madison? Jada? No, it was none of them.
Giving up, I turned to the girl standing behind me. Her blonde hair shifted slightly with the summer breeze. She was wearing a ti-dyed t-shirt, just like I remembered. Her smile broke my heart, leaving an empty feeling in the middle of my chest. “Sarah?” I whispered, not believing my eyes.
“Wow, you still know my name! I guess you haven't had too much of that,” she teased, referring to the empty bottles of beer scattered at my side. My mind was going in a million different directions. Part of me was asking the obvious questions. Why was she here? How was she here? Am I going crazy? Is this a dream?
Another part of me wanted to jump to my feet and hug her with all my might. Contrasting with that part of me, I wanted to slap myself until I woke up. There's no way this could be real. Right?
“Mind if I sit with you?” she asked, motioning to the grass next to me. I shook my head no, giving her the go ahead. I couldn't remember how to talk. And I don't think those beers were the reason for that.
I stared at her, shock written all over my features. “What?” she questioned, looking at me strangely. She looked concerned, as if she thought I was going to faint at any second.
Finding my voice, I voiced the one question I wanted the answer to. “Are you really here?” I expected a laugh. Her to call me crazy and disappear. Imagined that I would wake up and realize that it was all just a dream. But even so, seeing her in a dream was better than nothing.
“Yes,” she said, cautiously, watching my reaction. Except I didn't know how to react. Shocked? Yes. Afraid and relieved at the same time? Yep. I mean, if she was here, sitting next to me, what did that mean about me?
“But, Sarah,” I paused, not sure if I should say it. Clearing my throat, I just blurted it out. “You're dead.” The realization of it hit me hard, like it had for the past year. I couldn't think of it without imaging hugging her mom at the funeral, seeing her pale body lying in the casket, clad in her Bob Marley t-shirt.
“What?” she squealed, appearing shocked. Dropping the act, she looked at me as if to say, “Really?”
“I realize that,” she assured me. “So now you're wondering, how am I here? And why? That's easy. Have you ever heard that quote, 'If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again'?” I nodded my head, all too familiar with the saying. “Well, you've cried an awful lot. And it's not a pleasant sight, just so you know,” she teased me. “And we have memories together. Some pretty hilarious ones, if I may say so myself.” She paused, looking up at the stars and breathing deeply. There was a moment of silence before she continued.
“I wanted to tell you that everything's okay. That, even though it may seem impossible to go on sometimes, everything's going to be okay. I'm always going to be close by, not that you didn't already know that. I came to tell you to stop. Stop drinking so much; stop smoking. That stuff's horrible for you. Live your life, if not for yourself, then do it for me.”
Clutching at the rubber bracelet on my wrist, I twirled it around, running my fingers along the words. “There. That. Whenever you just want to throw your life away, look at that bracelet, and think of what I just told you.” The bracelet was for her. When she died, a couple of her friends in school made bracelets so that everyone that wanted to remember her could.
Silence followed as neither of us knew what to say. It was me that finally broke that silence. Looking up into the stars, I simply blurted out, “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” she replied.
There was so much I wanted to ask her. So many thing I wanted the answer to. Why had she gotten in the car when the driver was drunk? Why hadn't she worn a seatbelt? What was it like to die? What happens? But at this moment, none of that mattered. “Are you happy?”
She didn't answer right away. She stared at the night sky, contemplating her answer. “Yes and no. I miss this. It makes me sad to watch all of you guys going through the things I'll never get to experience. Prom, SAT's, eventually you'll graduate. But yes, I'm happier than ever before. I feel no pain, or anger, or anything but happiness and pure peace. Life is just a stop on the road, and when you die, that road doesn't it. It gets longer.” Seeing the confusion in my face, she smiled. “Don't worry. One day, a long, long time from now, and if it's not a long time from now I'll kick your stupid ass, you'll understand. But until then, live life.”
We returned to the silence. I was aware of her next to me, something I never thought I'd experience again. She suddenly looked behind her into the woods, as if someone was calling her. “I have to go,” she told me, getting to her feet.
“Wait! Don't go. Please don't go. Stay here. Star gaze with me for just a little bit longer,” I pleaded, not wanting her to leave.
She leaned down, and kissed me softly on the top of the head. “Just know that I love you. Go back to living your life.”
She turned and walked into the woods, never turning back around. And as tears spilled over the brim and onto my cheeks, I watched as my friend walked out of my life again, walked out of life completely.