The Zig Zag Lady

The corpulent man dressed in a cape, yes a cape, sat in the lobby waiting for the Great Magisto. The theater was one of those art film places that held traditional Saturday matinees complete with cartoons, a serial and a live performance. This month it was the Great Magisto. The young magician had been wowing audiences of late with his newest illusion where his beautiful assistant was locked in a standing box. Then after inserting two surgical steel blades, emphasis on surgical steel blades, and with a grand flourish, her midsection was pulled slowly to the left, temporarily separating it from the rest of her body. Adults gasped, while children squealed and the Great Magisto was considered a magical genius.

To be fair, the steel wasn't surgical and upon close inspection his beautiful assistants wasn’t young, just athletic and supple like a gymnast, requirements for the illusion to work properly. The movie theater gig paid quite well and Magisto finally felt that his time had arrived. After three weeks he had spent most of his cash trying to coax his assistant in to bed. Magisto was surprised to come across the man in the cape as he was preparing to leave on his Saturday afternoon break between performances.

“Well, hello young man.” The man in the cape was very polite as it was his nature to be.

“Is it the fifteenth already?”

“Why no, it is well past the fifteenth, almost the end of the month. I believe you need to review our contract, the terms clearly state that payment is due on the fifteenth, no exceptions, no grace period. My assistant tells me that you have been ignoring her calls. Not good Mr. Magisto, not good at all.”

“I have been busy with the show, the additional work has kept me very busy and I am auditioning for a new assistant as well.”

“So I guess the wonderful and beautiful Clara, personally trained by me, isn't working out? My guess is that she won't sleep with you. Am I right? I know you are young and she is so exotic, she can become an obsession.”

“She is beautiful in her way.”

“My son, she is more than that and I would have you not speak ill of my fiancé. Yes, Clara and I have sworn eternal betrothal to one another.”

“Typically my speech begins with, there are no free lunches, a fact which I am sure that you are personally aware and so I will skip it. Money is due and under the terms of which you signed, in exchange for using my illusions in your act, that you would pay me on the fifteenth until payment in full was achieved.”

“I had someone look at that contract, they told me that I would have to pay you forever, that's usury.”

“On the contrary Mr. Magisto, this is business. You wanted to be the best at what you do and I have provided the grandest illusion in your act and also my fiancé to grace your stage.”

“I don't have the monthly payment, you can't get blood from a stone.”

“Mr. Magisto, you would be surprised what I could get blood out of.”

“I don't have it.”

“You misunderstand me, I don't want the monthly payment. You have violated the contract. I demand payment in full, as is my due.”

“If I don't have the monthly payment where am I going to get the full payment from? Good luck collecting.”

“I make it a hallmark of my business to never have outstanding balances on my books. If you read the contract, that you are so fond of ignoring, you will see that I will take cash or payment in kind.”

“In kind? What, like my soul?”

“Mr. Magisto, do not be so dramatic. I am not in the position anymore to relieve anyone of their soul. No, I was thinking of a more physical piece of your anatomy.”

“Okay.”

“I would be happy for a kidney or a large slice from your liver, you see, you are a perfect match.”

“Like a transplant?”

“Yes, a transplant, that is a good word.” The fat man chuckled as he sat back in the lobby couch then dialed a number on his cell phone. Soon Carla arrived hauling a picnic basket and a cooler followed close behind by a mysterious pale small man, carrying some documents.

“You know Carla. I would like you to meet Doctor Yancowski, a famed surgeon. A true artist with the knife.”

“Doctor.” Magisto smiled and nodded his head offering his hand.

The doctor examined him closely, then handed Magisto some documents, quickly pulling back his gloved hands,

“Forgive him Mr. Magisto, he has this phobia of germs. So, what will it be? Money or kidney, you have two or possibly a slice from your liver?”

Magisto read over the contract, "this is like a transplant, right? Surgery and all that.”

“Yes,’ all that’ quite describes the process. Make up your mind the clock goes on, interest compounds, your debt increases.”

The Doctor leaned over, “check here for kidney or here for liver and please indicate the last time you consumed an alcoholic beverage. This is very important, it could alter the processing drastically.”

“Okay, okay I can do this, check in to the hospital on Monday and be back for next Saturday's show. I choose a slice off of my liver.” He signed and tossed the contract back to the corpulent man in the cape, who was now being entertained by Carla who had opened a bottle of wine, poured two glasses and was tickling the fat man’s ears.

“When on Monday do I check in to the hospital?”

Carla tucked a napkin under the fat man's chin and handed him a knife and fork. The surgeon rummaged through the picnic basket and began removing surgical instruments.

“Monday? Hospital? Mr. Magisto you misunderstood me, no hospital. I plan on eating here.”