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My journals and path ,following my Master raw unedited sometimes written from subspace
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Journal Entries: 6/6/2013 2:43:54 PM [Report Entry] what day is this????? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6/4/2013 9:02:09 AM [Report Entry] He takes me deeper and deeper, pushing my limits to things I never dreamed I would submit to. I learned never to tell Him I am bored. I can type paragraphs and paragraphs and He will respond with something so simple a few words or a sentence, stopping me in my tracks, breaking it down and Dominating all that I tried to say, leaving me speechless ...He sees inside of me. He owns the inside of me. I sit in awe that I am allowed to kneel for Him. All of His power and knowledge. Being allowed to let His drops flow through me, sating me. His cock and flavor so perfect, sweet and dark. Controlling me , Dominating me and Mastering me with perfection..... giving me exactly the right amount of what I need. Bringing the parts of me out that are really who I am. Showing me what I made for. He pays attention to every tiny detail, He watches and observes. He waits..... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5/29/2013 11:08:10 AM [Report Entry] Hes Keeping me on edge for hours today the room twirling, the word FUCK rolling off my lips , the lips that roll over the head of His Cock , shaped perfectly to please a rim My throat still contracting from swallowing him down as my head hung off the bed SCREAMING for my tight slick hole to be filled with His dick , looks at my cream in the mirror fuck, fuck JUST FUCK ME................... Shove your heat and darkness as deep inside as possible and fill me with cum, BURN It into me........................as You do, choke me and bite me and MARK me on the inside and out . Marks that will never go away Begs for more of them. Looks at my cream that You own, Your whore.........Keeps fucking myself harder, My tight hole also built to please a rim , being used for what I was made for, fucked the way I should be fucked and only He can fuck me and use me in the way that I need. I love all of this because I am HIS whore and this is the place He takes me to and makes it feel so fucking GOOD! I love DICK I love Cum I love fucking I love my ass filled I love my throat filled I love sucking dick and licking balls I love to hold cum in my mouth I love to fuck myself I love to watch Masturbation I love to watch sex I love to be watched I am His slut, whore, hole, bitch, dog..... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5/28/2013 10:34:47 AM [Report Entry] whispers shared begging for prolonged agony to give Him pleasure, as I crawl, reaching out for One touch, any touch , only stopping if He stops me because my need is that great my mind and body longing, open to His control always reacting to His presence, tastes my flavor so sweet because He is near and I am His slave twitches, pulses, tingles, radiates heat the slut emerging , Just shove and push and thrust and fill -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5/27/2013 9:35:35 AM [Report Entry] stays on the bed most of the morning, arms and body open, feeling the heat radiating, mind focused....knowing later in the day I have to work. Journal Entries: 6/13/2013 2:59:36 PM [Report Entry] ....learning how masochistic I am, How much pain I need and how deep and dark my needs are for being used , "REALLY USED". To admit it to Him. Day after day , longer than I can remember in a very long time, He made me wait, Everything I write in my journals I mean. When He starts pushing and testing what I wrote, its so hard not to try to get some control. Sometimes it does make me switch , the further in my training ,I had to remember to keep letting go and submitting to what He I throwing and it feels more and more erotic and delicious as the darker parts of me come out. The pain making me need to switch, I did in small amounts but I remembered how good it feels to let go. I am learning to let go faster and faster. Most overlook or forget or do not know how powerful the mental aspects are , a tool like any other sexual tool or device, most forget about. The most powerful tool. Thank You Master PLease focus on the mental connection behind my fetishes not just the physical and sex only. Into: always being hungry for him, always having something in my mouth (everything to do with it), anal sex (everything to do with it), ass play (everything to do with it), bathed in cum (receiving), begging (giving), being a fucktoy, being gagged by sir's cock, being nude 24/7, being taught to cum from my using my mind, being used for lubrication (receiving), bent over the car and fucking in the rain (receiving), bind me and use my holes for hours (receiving), biting (receiving), blow jobs just the way he likes it (giving), body worship (giving), bondage, bound with a rope around my neck (receiving), brought to orgasm right before penetration (receiving), butt plugs (receiving), choking (receiving), cock milking (giving), cock sucking (giving), crawling (giving), cuffs, cumdump, darkness, deep throating (receiving), doing exactly as he says., dominant men, emotional masochism, exhibitionism (everything to do with it), face in the floor being fucked like a dog, finger sucking while full of cock, fire, flying in subspace, genuine and deep submission, the heartfelt kind that comes from trust, respect, lust, and mental and emotional connection, hand jobs (giving), hand on my throat while being fucked and having threats whispered into my ear, having daddy talk about fucking other females (receiving), having my nipples grinded with his teeth (receiving), having so much trust no safeword is needed, having the need to be forced that he created, hot breath blown against my clit (receiving), its masterbate not masturbate, kneeling and looking up, knife play, learning how to truely cum on command, lust so strong it makes your knees weak, masochism, master/slave, masters darkness (receiving), masters dominant cock (everything to do with it), masters milk (receiving), masters whispers, masturbating as i suck cock (everything to do with it), mental bdsm (everything to do with it), mental bondage (everything to do with it), mental domination (receiving), mind fuck, orgasm control, pleading (giving), prostate massage (giving), swallowing, sweating from lust, the feeling you get when you look up at him (everything to do with it), the power of the mind (receiving), the sound of a belt being removed, tpe (receiving), unspoken commands (receiving), using his cock head to masterbate with, voyer, watersports (receiving). and many more.......... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6/12/2013 9:33:26 AM [Report Entry] One step forward, two steps back in my learning and growing, learning what a REAL slave is. Learning that being His slave is different from ANY other real slave. How strong it is making me............. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6/9/2013 10:10:04 AM [Report Entry] Flames , None compare to His flames and heat............ tantalizing intoxicating drug my body weightless my senses on fire -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6/8/2013 10:28:17 AM [Report Entry] My holes and mouth always open, ready every moment, My mind always open to Your control. I do as told. I wait as told. slave is about serving. No matter if I am fed a slave sits and waits ready to serve , rushing to Him when He comes near and pleasuring Him in any way . Giving up total control of mind body and soul......always starving , always hungry, always begging for more........I wait for as long as I am told to wait. This is not play to me my Lord. It is who I am. I begged to learn from You because I know You do not play. I am here for Your darkest parts consumption , my pain, my hunger, my lust, my agony....I know You can use any girl You choose. You have shown me this over and over. You talk the talk and walk the walk. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6/7/2013 8:55:15 AM [Report Entry] Master...Hands You the rope connected to the loop around my neck....looking up into Your eyes, my warm fingers closing Your fingers tightly around the rope Journal Entries: 6/23/2013 6:19:03 AM [Report Entry] Most can't stop thinking about all the kink and play to see deeper . Most do not have what it takes to sit still and really listen and learn the connection . Thank you so much for all my new admirers. You can use many things to teach including sex but the person has to want to learn and really be serious. They have to realize it is hard work and takes time. Most will just keep searching their needs not met. They will crash and then wonder why they are empty. I will always be His slave unless released. He controls Me, Owns me. I am His possession. I do not speak to most here because they just play.His training is real and it has taught me how to not be controlled by others. I am allowed conversations and He enjoy my conversations with others. I sit back and watch and observe. If you want to have a real conversation with me , I will read the message. If your message is just play, that is the response you will receive if any at all, smiles. I am here because I belong on a site that has to do with the lifestyle. I know collarme has many players but I like the site. I like the interface , I know many do not like the site. I did have a fetife account but We do not use it. He wants me to focus on one place as my training keeps me busy. I could not write ANY of the things I write when I started. I could not express and I was closed down inside. I did not know how many walls I had up. Little by little the words started to come, from what He has taught me, shown me, what I feel inside, submission comes from INSIDE.Nothing feels better than being used completely from the inside out and being used for what I was made for. To me it is the natural order of things. W/we are not swingers or just into kink, play etc.I am not shared and will never leave Him unless released . Friend are welcome but if you have intentions of using me or getting me away from Him, it is not possible. He has never been manipulated and never will be. We live and He teaches me the real lifestyle and what a slave should be. I am a switch. Most do not know what a true switch is.He keeps that part of me and allows me to try to switch with him, grins and then takes me back down to slave. Most do not know what True Dominance and submission are. I am slave to Him and He controls all my parts. What I have with Him is sexual but its much more than JUST fucking. Everything I write has to do with the mental connection and His control and Domination of my mind. I asked for the relationship to be dark and sexual. I was not deceived in any way of what I was getting into and what it would be. I Begged him to teach me and control, Dominate and own my mind and all parts of me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6/21/2013 11:42:49 AM [Report Entry] He allowed me to post pics here of my tight cunt today My pussy holding a small toy. I laid back on the corner of the bed at the end spread wide begging Him for Cock and to be filled with His sweet cum. My food...I beg and beg in a frenzy holding my cunt lips open and juices stream down , showing my need and agony. He thrusts and I scream , and let go all over Him, eyes locked into His. The primal parts comes out saying just fuck me and fuck me and feed me, im fucking starving. Feed me, Bite me , cum in me. My pussy milking and flexing pulling and tugging Him In , all of Him as deep as possible, My hips bucking into Him. starving for my food. He fills me with cum and pulls out , my body absorbing and feeding every drop , feeding all parts of me. Thank you my Lord. My cunt is built small to please a rim. Never having children the natural way added benefits -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6/20/2013 7:44:07 AM [Report Entry] deep in the corners of my mind He draws it out the animal the primal slut inside of me this side of me must be bound dark but scorching with heat Ripe useable moisture trying to burst out of my body in all openings My eyes staring into His I walk into the fire My darkest sides submitting into His darkest Parts............Screaming for Him to feed on all of me Sits and reflects and how He breaks me down into submission in ways I never knew were possible -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6/18/2013 10:45:21 AM [Report Entry] Daddy, so warm so comforting, calming me, controlling me when my others sides try to escape, submitting to His needs , switching me back to babygirl...under His touch and control, melting me...Daddys food so sweet , sucking my thumb just needing to suck....knowing its what was needed......He always knows sits in amazement at the events of the past couple of weeks, new twists in the path....learning more about spirits and souls...........A week to be remembered in our journeys -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6/17/2013 9:31:20 AM [Report Entry] days like today I just sit quiet and still feeling His perfection, Domination, Mastery and Control no struggling against His ropes having learned the tighter the grip the more I burn for Him no words needed the connection strong waiting needing to explode begging to serve in any form begging for use realizing by sitting I am being used focusing through my mind to feel Him , knowing He can feel me , my hunger, my need Journal Entries: 7/2/2013 10:44:12 AM [Report Entry] Its amazing how just one word can make me suddenly have thighs spread wide,cunt flowing in any place I may be, floor counters grass tables vehiclefloorboard..seats restroom stalls at multiple locations on the floor of a department store once trying to say words trying all kinds of sounds coming from me under His control after the first word He sends more words come the most blissful fucking feeling praying to whatever power there is please never let this stop His words filling my mind My body weightless and what gives me these rewards....submission ...pure and total complete submission...... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/1/2013 8:57:18 PM [Report Entry] i am dog..at His mercy...not one second of control have i ever had... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6/27/2013 7:33:25 PM [Report Entry] Master has taught me how many ways a throat can be marked....inside and out...to be continued -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6/25/2013 2:23:57 PM [Report Entry] walking with music in my ear remembering as I write this journal.... He took me deeper or is it higher. Soaring..it was all the things I used to do. Rolled together and I was flying not just running across that field at night.... dancing...high from the connection and His pleasure he allows me to feel as I serve.It does bring out the primal inside of me, needing him to be as dark as possible in the treatment I am receiving when He takes me there. I want everyone to feel it..but he taught me that I must be patient..and the ones like Him and I that look will find it..trust is the key.....if its meant to happen it will....sits back watches and observes. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6/25/2013 11:36:11 AM [Report Entry] hmmm I feel some words needing to burst this morning. When I first started training, I was searching for whatever it was that made me feel the way I needed to. I would go out, I would search for thrills. I would drink, drive fast, listen to music as loud as possible, walk in the middle of the night in open fields..search for all kinds of pain and was infatuated by watching physical torture .....in the lifestyle..even participated some but was never owned. Once my training started and He started working with me, (He never tells things directly or answers questions directly, He is natural born teacher among other things.)...He would let me learn by experiencing. I would want to lash out or throw tantrums and I would drink and send him messages drinking...it was the only way at that time that my walls would come down and then I would say all kinds of things, some good, some bad. His replies always make me think, they always break it down so simple and I realize how complicated I am trying to make it. He would say.....Why do you drink?........and I would sit there and think........I don't know.......I guess to escape, to get that high, to get whatever it is that is not being fed to me........as time went on and He would take me where I needed to go over and over, deeper and deeper all the other thing stopped. I had no desire to drink or drive fast or any of the things that I would run to do when I could not breathe . Yesterday He pushed really hard and I did really good and I got a rush and high and pleasure that was deeper than before. He pushed again and I still did good but when He left, all these things came pouring out inside of me. It was like I used to do when I had a tantrum but these were things that I just needed to get out. I thought I may be in trouble but today He reminded me I was not disrespectful. He said He liked what I wrote and then He proceeded to take me to a very very blissful place , the connection so strong. I try to describe it...Its Him and Me and there is a connection. we do not have to talk or touch even though we normally do, It pulses through me just that makes me high . He gave me pain. He gave me pleasure but he gave me what I needed from what I wrote to Him yesterday.He showed my again what my place is and how I serve Him. He told me private things that we only share together. He reminded how powerful what He is teaching me is by letting me feel it. He told me that I can never resist not because He is commanding it because its inside of naturally to submit to His Dominance and control, its who I am. Journal Entries: 7/8/2013 9:53:57 AM [Report Entry] My Master owns my pussy and cum from the inside out, through my mind. He controls How wet it is, when it will cum and how tight it clenches , how much it agonizes.That feeling I get when my cunt is full is Him inside of me , its full in all ways mentally and physically. song lyrics: Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands . -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/5/2013 8:42:44 AM [Report Entry] Many try to kneel but their feet do not remain firmly planted on the ground because the One they look up at does not fully control their minds....(From Master) this is why my knees slam down and I serve and worship and crawl. it is why my body drips and I fly and soar... He has total control, nothing vanilla to interfere ..just Master/slave. Total use. Total consumption. When I say I worship His cock I mean it and I will lick anything off of it he tells me to lick -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/5/2013 8:10:23 AM [Report Entry] Regular morning communication created extreme agony needing to let go to Him this morning. I am sending Him notes of my need for Him , sitting full of toy so He can feed off of it......all parts of my body tingling . My lust for Him apparent in my breathing and all parts of my body...one is never fully owned unless all parts are owned. A collar is only a symbol. Saying I am owned means nothing unless its real. Yes it takes complete trust to give all your power and mind over to someone . Yes its worth it. Yes I know what it feels like to really serve. It is not for the meek. It is not for those that can't let go of fear. I am being molded into what He needs . To serve Him. When in darkness all my actions and thoughts focused on serving in everything that I do. as darkness falls...............all my needs are met. I never have to search for more. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/4/2013 7:17:06 PM [Report Entry] without trust there is nothing I am so grateful that I know complete trust and know He has complete trust in me. To go anywhere , we both know the bond is that strong I see others pain now because of my training I see it everyday And I can't help most All I can do is sit here and write hoping that some listen and learn from my pain and my mistakes and my lessons. I hope that my words help others see the way. It gives me pain inside because I want to help everyone but I have to just let it go. It is also sad that there is so much bad that most can never trust. What we have is rare so all I can do is sit back and watch and be so grateful. Knowing He has never caused me pain in a bad way . He only give me the kind of pain that I need...and pleasure beyond pleasure -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/4/2013 9:06:48 AM [Report Entry] two as One my fingers picked and two fortunes fell out but it was two as one, today the day of all days. (This happened yesterday) Journal Entries: 7/12/2013 7:35:18 AM [Report Entry] I read this in another journal and I agree .... "I watched a so-called Master shouting at His slave this evening and it wasn't pretty. She was terrified. Rage is non-consensual. A Master never loses His temper. A Master never raises His voice. A Master isn't vain, arrogant and selfish. A Master doesn't do drugs or drink heavily. A Master doesn't hit His girl in anger. A Master isn't a bully. A Master must have discipline and control at all times. For if He can't control Himself, how can He control His girl? A slave needs to trust and respect her Master. Both take time to build but only a second to lose." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/11/2013 6:10:39 AM [Report Entry] She woke her body still sore from the violent fucking from the night before , tracing her bite marks with her fingers , her body soaking as she touched them....marks on her neck from His hands , hungry again needing to be filled, starving to be filled and scream and claw and pull the sheets begging him to take her ass..knowing its never gentle...telling Him what a fucking whore she is, gulping His cum in any hole He puts it down, trash , holes , cumdump......Hearing Him in her mind saying" I know who you worship". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/10/2013 11:12:06 AM [Report Entry] ANIMALS DONT KNOW SIN ..His voice in my ear reminding me how He does not JUST fuck and how His Mental Domination has always controlled me and made me need to explode , reminding me that He is real darkness but I am always protected and never harmed in an abusive way, I am only given what I need and am allowed to fly under His control. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/9/2013 10:16:29 AM [Report Entry] real friends in darkness are hard to find...why? because W/we are different from most. Not in a dark dangerous way but in a dark way of where we take power exchange to between each other. I am different from most real slaves. We do not mix vanilla. I asked for it to be this way. I step over into darkness. It is how He has taught me but He told me from the beginning it would be this way and I agreed because it is always the way I thought it would be and should be. I have to separate because of the amount of focus it takes to be a real slave through all parts of me. it is why I float when He comes near. My actions and thoughts reflecting him and my service to Him. Many don't understand this. I rarely try to explain it , sometimes a few may come near that already know or I think have the depth to understand it. it is in these times That I am able to enjoy conversation. All others I converse with on another level. smiles. If I need guidance in vanilla He guides me but when I am working etc, that dark part of my soul is now full and balanced and fed , He has taught me to still be able to stay semi high as I work if He does choose to come near me but still to separate and function. He contols all of it and I do not have to worry , He keeps me balanced. I have always trusted him out of feeling and sensing. That is why I think He knew I was capable of being what He needed. One of the reasons. I am this dark and was this dark before he started with me. There is notvanilla love there is a deep bond. I do get what I need from Daddy if I need to have more closeness or warmth. He is Daddy also -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/9/2013 8:28:42 AM [Report Entry] He talks to me until I am pulsing and breathing deep and then He will say, leave it alone, don't touch yourself , knowing I am in agony and then He keeps talking....and it goes on and on until heat radiates from me uncontrollable tremors .....oh gawd Journal Entries: 7/18/2013 11:03:24 AM [Report Entry] sits basking in the sun...those like U/us need the heat more than most.....Bob Dylan in my ear..sending my heat to Master .. "How many roads must a man walk down before He becomes a Man, the answer my friend is blowin in the wind" I write for the many that watch and for the new eyes that just started reading here.... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/17/2013 9:13:44 AM [Report Entry] what I have and how I am taught how to REALLY serve. My body is always ready and I have no control. I wake up and He is so deep in my mind that heat radiates through me. I can feel it with each beat of my heart, pulsing over and over. With each pulse my fingers get weak and I have no control over them or my body. If I type about it or think about it it becomes stronger. if He types to me or calls or comes near, I lose control. I don't have to touch myself or masterbate for this feeling to be there. My body always moist and wet , my nipples always hard ....He has taken me to deep places in my mind and now my mind remembers . Its not like a regular climax its a constant state of high and ready to serve His needs. The release is not like regular sex . I do not know how else to explain it to those that have never experienced it. He controls everything I do in darkness down to how I breathe. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/16/2013 10:59:01 AM [Report Entry] this slave is being punished and will write more after I do as told , exactly as told......Im suppose to write more but I don't know what to write. ...I will write that we talked about how I need to always do exactly as told and how being His slave is never easy and how lucky that I am. I did some things and looking back once He brought them up they were wrong.when I did them I didn't know they were wrong and didn't do them on purpose. I didn't think before I did them. I learned that I have been taken to a deeper level even within the last week and my behavior was not appropriate. Apologizing to my Master. I posted two pics without permission and I sent a note that I worded incorrectly, I have always been told to speak clearly. One pic was of a girl hanging her head off a bed with a clear dildo going in her mouth. Master did not like the pictures being posted without permission because it is not this slaves choice if I would think he would approve , its the point I did not ask permission or misunderstood something he said to be an approval. The way it works with Him is I never know punishment is coming, he leads me to believe the day will be blissful and then the conversation will take a twist and then I know , im in trouble. another I was told to do tonight is take my dildo with me to work and on lunch fuck myself my entire lunch break . He said He is still deciding on my punishment. I also had to use only my fingers and cum after He hung up the phone until there was slick cum running out of me as many times as it took. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/15/2013 1:13:36 PM [Report Entry] writes while high from early this morning how I can barely type feels extreme pain extreme pleasure , letting go over and over how it feels to be near Him to submit to His pain The hardest drug but knowing He will keep me safe not dangerously addicted. How he control and owns me How he said He may write words on His profile soon and told me what they may be how I said them over and over and absorbed them all the way through I will keep writing but I know most will never understand or get it but I get it I get it.... and I am so lucky that I kept trusting through all the ways he test me and I kept fighting and I kept trying even when he said I don't need a girl who just tries , I need a girl that does ...how patient He was, How I am still not all the way there floatsssssssssssssssssssssssss ,warmmmmmmmmmm,mmmmmmmmmmm -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/12/2013 11:05:11 AM [Report Entry] He has me torture myself with my clear realistic dildo, He has certain ways I am to use it, sometimes alone, sometimes as He talks to me controlling every motion , every movement, knowing I am on the edge, faster, slower, stopping, deep, shallow, hard thrusts,its all up to Him, I beg and He says in a soothing voice, Yes I know...He listens to every breath, how I breathe, if I swallow as he talks to me....If I am in a place I cant use my toy I still feel the sensations as He talks to me , He just says the words of How I use it and How it feels , He fucks me the same way that I use my toy and He reminds of that as I float. Journal Entries: 7/22/2013 10:58:14 AM [Report Entry] floating and floating and floating -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/22/2013 7:00:13 AM [Report Entry] rested, balanced,reflecting,growing -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/20/2013 9:45:43 AM [Report Entry] Quiet unbearable tension -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/19/2013 10:25:53 AM [Report Entry] second entry for today, drips and drips , breathing deep, begging, crawling, pleading, worshipping....as He taunts and taunts me.......pushing my buttons...tries to distract myself , its impossible. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/19/2013 8:26:44 AM [Report Entry] days of extreme begging , pleading crawling and torment, agony even thinking or saying the words to Him |
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