Jack and Jill (A Double Take)

Jack and Jill (A Double Take)
By
Carol St. Ann

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Jack

Jack grunted and pulled at the tear in his sleeve, examining it closer. "So much for 'Kiss me. I'm forty'," he mumbled. "More like slap me. I'm clumsy. Dammit!" He pulled his jacket cuff lower to hide it. Didn’t matter, though. The shirt was a goner. Shoving his hands into his jeans pockets, he huffed and then kicked at a branch that had fallen across the path. With a shake of his head, he dropped his gaze to the pot-holed gray-black pavement and shuffled along past the kiddie wading pool. Empty and dry, filled with vibrant red and yellow leaves curled into various stages of crisp, it reminded him of a bowl of cereal and fruit before the milk was added. He brushed some park debris off the bench and plopped down, checking out his sleeve once again.

The familiar chuff-chuff of an approaching jogger distracted him. He smirked as floppy brown curls bounced in cadence with the runner's boobs and steps just like his ex. But the runner only looked like her. Velma would never wear shorts in this temperature. Hell, he could barely get her to wear shorts in the summertime. “Just another weirdity,” he mused. With legs like Velma's, most women would never wear anything but shorts. Good riddance to her. And her crazy hang-ups. A wry smile tugged at his lips; at least he didn’t have to worry about explaining the torn cuff.

The curvy jogger slowed by the wading pool, bent over, and set her hands on her knees. After a minute, she straightened up and walked toward him, holding her side.

He scooted to the right and waved his hand over the remaining three feet of bench.

"Thanks. Appreciate that." She said. Her chest heaved as she sucked in gasps of air. She must have been jogging for a good distance. Sniffing, she drew the back of her hand to her nose and then pulled her fanny-pack around to her side. She tugged-out a tissue, excused herself, and blew.

Her honking reminded him of Velma's ever present morning snot and snort ritual. No sense hanging around for strike three; he decided to move along when peripheral hip-level movement caught his eye.

Something was moving around inside her fanny-pack. Just as he opened his mouth to warn her that a mouse or squirrel must have gotten inside her purse, the top opened. A little blue head popped up and looked around, red eyes glowing in the morning sun.

Jack stood and leaned away. "What is that?"

The woman winced, grabbed hold of the pouch, and closed the lid. She held it tight to her side and lurched sideways to the opposite end of the bench.

Words spewed out of Jack's mouth before he could stop them. “What the Hell--?” He scrunched his face. "What kind of animal is that? What are those red things? Oh my gah! Are they horns?"

She leaped up, holding the top closed with one hand and ran away, like she was running for an Olympic medal.

"Hey!" Jack shouted after her. "Come back. Hey, what is that?" He gave chase, but the woman only ran faster. "Wait," he shouted again, almost close enough to reach her. "I only want to know what it is--"

He reached for her, nearly able to touch her shoulder, when he jumped back behind an oak tree. A large, burly man who might have been Hagrid’s evil twin, lurched out in front of her from behind a dense arborvitae. "You didn't think you could get away from me that easily, did you?" he sneered.

The woman let out a screech and tried to run around him, but he moved in front of her. She cowered and clutched at the purse with both hands. "Please..."

Jack watched but stayed silent, knawing at his fingernails.

The lady swallowed loud and looked up at the towering man. "Leave us alone," she said with a pronounced quiver. "Just stay away." She moved backward, looking from side to side, her eyes wide and pleading. With both hands, she clutched the purse tighter to her body. The man didn't speak; he smiled and moved in closer, glaring down at her like a wild boar about to devour its prey.

Jack’s pulse thumped in his ears. He wanted to help her, but he was out muscled and outweighed. Besides, what the hell was this all about? What was that thing in her pouch? He moved further around, behind the tree, and stood off to the side where he could observe un-noticed by the giant thug. Reaching into his jeans pocket, he pulled out his cell and held it low. With a shaking hand, he dialed 9-1-1.

END Approx 725 words

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Jill

Jill jogged through the park at a steady, even pace. The cool temperature felt good on her bare legs and made for a refreshing and comfortable jog. "Don't fall out. Don't fall out," she chanted in cadence with each step as her fanny pack bounced between her abdomen and her boobs. "Almost there. Don't fall out. Don't fall out. Don't fall..."

She rounded the kiddie wading pool and stopped to catch her breath. Her side cramped and twisted. She couldn't run anymore. Thank god for the bench. The perfect place to rest, just for a second. The man moved over. Yeah, like she planned to wait for his permission.

"Thanks. Appreciate that," she said, but he pursed his lips and looked away. Nice ta meetcha, Grumpy. Whatsamatter, I remind you of your ex or something? Catching her breath wasn't coming easy, especially with her cold clogging up her sinuses. Maybe if she blew. She opened up her fanny-pack, pushed her little passenger out of the way, and grabbed a tissue.

Turning to Grumpy, she waved the tissue and pointed at her nose. "Excuse me. I need to..."

He looked away and dropped his ankle from his knee.

She felt movement in the fanny pack. Be still. He has to have noticed.

The man jumped up and pointed. "What is that."

She grabbed the pouch, closed the lid, and wished she'd had a longer respite. This guy wasn't going to let it go.

“What the Hell--?” He scrunched his face. "What kind of animal is that? What are those red things? Oh my gah! Are they horns?"

She leaped up, holding the top closed with one hand, and ran off like the rest of her life depended on it.

"Hey!" His voice was close. He was chasing her? "Come back." His footfalls were right behind. "Hey, what is that?"

He'd catch her if she didn't pick up the pace. She ran faster. How badly do you want to know?

"Wait," he shouted again, almost at her ear. "I only want to know what it is--"

A giant of a man stepped right out in front of her from behind a dense arborvitae. Her heart pounded in her chest. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. She thought she screeched, but she couldn't be sure. No matter how she tried to get past, he blocked her with the effortlessness of a professional linebacker. I'm caught.

"You didn't think you could get away from me that easily, did you?"

It was hopeless. Might as well give in and give up. But what will he do to the... she clutched at the purse with both hands. "Please..."

She didn't know where Grumpy disappeared to, but it was clear he'd high-tailed it outta there. Still, she clung to hope he was nearby.

She swallowed hard and looked up at the towering man. "Leave us alone." She tried to sound strong, but she knew the rattle in her knees made its way into her voice. "Just stay away." She moved backward, looking from side to side to be sure no one was around. With both hands, she rubbed the purse's soft leather and held it tight against her body. The man didn't speak; his eyes bright with excitement and anticipation, he moved in closer, glaring down at her, like a treasure hunter about to step into the city of gold.

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