April Fool's

April Fool's
(901 words)


John wasn’t generally an angry man, but when he looked out the window that particular morning, I just knew he was in for a bad day. It’s not to say I have a female's intuition about these things. Rather, he started his day by scowling at the window, and exclaiming, “It’s April 1st for God’s sake!” And while I don’t know exactly why he was informing me of the date, I could sense that there was something particularly amiss outside. He continued to utter a stream of profanity as he headed for the bathroom. Although, admittedly this wasn't terribly out of character for him. He did the same every Monday.

I gathered through means of a swear word skip code that somehow, this was a weather related insult aimed at John personally. As for me, it was another depressingly gray day of spring in the Midwest. So I rolled over and attempted to burrow deeper in the covers. And really, it was John’s own fault if he expected anything other than gray dismal clouds and the dirty remnants of snow outside come “Spring”. We live in the Midwest, just North of Chicago. You know the “Windy City”? The area of the country with 2 seasons: Winter and Road Construction.

Not an original joke, but it never got old in the Midwest.

Needless to say, John went about slamming drawers and banging things about in an attempt to get me up and assuredly place me in as foul a mood as he was. Well, it wasn’t going to work. I was comfortable in bed; and seeing as how I didn’t have anywhere I needed to be, that was as good a place as any.

I must have dozed off while he was in the shower, as the next thing I know, he had sat down on the edge of the bed. I felt the mattress dip …. And for a second, I even imagined that maybe he was going to give me a kiss before leaving for the day – or maybe even climb back in bed to snuggle with me.

No such luck. Another burst of profanity occurred while he wrestled his woolen socks into place over particularly pale calves.

“I know it’s April Fool’s and all, but seriously, this isn't F-N funny!” I kept my eyes shut and did my best to pretend I was still asleep - at least until he left. Then I peeked with one eye to make sure he’d gone.

For a good amount of time, I tried to drift back to sleep. I even contemplated just staying in bed, as historically, when John was in a mood, it took a while to lift. Since I was conscious enough to have these thoughts, I realized, I’d already left the sleeping zone and it would be best just to get up. I took my time though. There was really no point in racing into the kitchen to have John angrily stare at me over a cup of coffee. It wasn’t my fault that the weather in the Midwest was crap. And besides, it’s not like I wouldn’t be open to moving somewhere warm. Why do people live in the Midwest and then complain about the snow every year like it’s a surprise?

So I eased into the kitchen, while considering this conundrum. I thought that maybe if I didn’t make any sudden moves, I wouldn’t invoke his nonsensical wrath.

“I thought you were going to sleep all day!” he grumbled acknowledging my existence. I crooked my eyebrow, but didn't rise to the insult and coldly let it pass. I busied myself by getting some water and thought about what I might have for breakfast.

He slugged down what appeared to be the last of his mug of coffee and abruptly rose from the table with a grunt. Before I could even blink he was down the hall and at the back door throwing on his coat and boots. He hadn't uttered a single kind word to me today, yet inexplicably I felt the need to follow him. Something had really gotten him unsettled.

And just as I arrived at the back boot mat, he swore loudly as he threw open the back door. “Would you f-ing look at that!”

It occurred to me at this point that it was in fact April Fool's Day and it was quite possible he was simply yanking my chain as he's apt to do from time to time. But I'd bought in this far, I figured I might as well have a look....

Just outside the threshold, was a raging “not funny” blizzard, an Armageddon, the likes of which our technical winter season hadn't dared to deliver. The sheer winds took my breath away and snow was driven into the small hall and onto the boot mat as I stood transfixed.

As John stood reeling in the doorway, an F-bomb prepared for launch at the Gods of Mischief who had delivered this hellacious monstrosity on April Fool's – I found myself drawn to the door, mesmerized by the swirling sheets of snow.

And before I knew it, I had launched myself off the deck into snow up to my chin.

Huskies love snow!