Thanks for Such a Time

I was reminescing with a good friend of mine. He had been a good ball player in his youth and now because of physical problems he was being relegated to the sidelines. He had tried to play and he blew out a calf that had been giving him trouble. He is at peace with moving on and enjoying life in making the elderly feel good about the times, which included the here and now moment.

As I talked with my buddy I felt like God was convicting me. I was glad that I had opportunity to be a pastor and yet that was not good enough I wanted more. I had forgotten what had gotten me there in the first place.

I grew up in a family in which I was the oldest of eight children. Both my parents were gifted in intelligence and physical abilities. They put those gifts aside to raise a family. I always heard my dad saying how he was so proud to have graduated high school. My mom was happy for the children she bore into the world and lets everyone know about it. Somehow amidst all this I got lost. I was always feeling that I needed to work myself into the good graces of my parents. Over time I got more and more frustrated and angry that my siblings seemed to be getting more attention than I did.

Both Mom and Dad had brothers that made out a lot better than they did financially. In terms of worldly values they had it made. My Dad's brother was an electrical engineer and was known by family as a man who could fix anything. My dad worked in a factory all his life, surviving on overtime. My Mom's brother was into real estate and carpentry. He made hundreds of thousands of dollars and lived in beautiful spacious houses. At one point he worked for Nixon as an advanced man and spent several years working for another Senator.

As I look back mom and dad were a lot happier than they were. It did not make sense to me until this very moment.
They learned to be thankful for such a time, whatever that time was. My dad has since passed and my mother has since carried on with this same value of doing the best with what you have, despite disablity that makes it hard for her to talk.

I am glad for such a time. I was a pastor for that time. The story goes like this.
I had a dream and almost saw the dream aborted when I became emotionally ill. As I got well I was sure that I owed God something for all the trouble I caused. I enlisted in college and then in seminary after that determined to tell everyone how wonderful God's love was. Then something funny happened along the way. I met a woman who would become my wife. She paid back all my college debts and paid for the rest of my seminary education. After seminary she was instrumental in getting me involved in parish work. In my first pastorate she happened to have a church member who was related to her father. In my second pastorate she had connections in a nearby town where her grandfather served as principal and in my last pastorate we were in a church that her grandparents and dad attended. None of this was planned.

God was speaking loud and clear through all this.
"Gary you do not owe me anything even if you think you do. I am paying back all the debts, giving you someone who can prepare the way for you achieving your minstry dream and more than anything I want you to know you are loved."
My response at this moment near tears. Thanks for such a time. To God be the glory!!