Nothing Matters but Survival

I look up. My eyes find his, those cold, dark pits of despair. Silently I beg. Then I slump down. I’ve given up. I shut my eyes and plead, plead for it to be painless.

         I alone hear my pleas.

         Suddenly I feel a surge of anger run through me. I open my eyes forcefully and kick; I struggle in the man’s net. He hasn’t yet lifted the spear to end my life.

         I have hope.

         He bides his time, like some sort of sick game. Why must he cause such pain in our community? I shake my head. Block out those thoughts. Nothing matters but survival.

         Then I see him.

         He comes charging through the woods antlers raised. The man, caught off guard is thrown aside, bleeding and breathing heavily.

         My father and I escape, shaking from the close call.



*********



         I stare into the eyes of the innocent – wishing for an excuse. I take my time, polish the spear, swig down some water.

         But I know I must.

         Without this deer my family will starve. We will lose everything. First our dignity, then our home.

         And ultimately our lives.

         I watch the fawn as she begins to struggle again. My guilt consumes me, and the arm holding the spear trembles. I lower my arm, but then I catch myself and raise it again. I shake my head. Block out those thoughts. Nothing matters but survival.

         Out of the corner of my eye, I see something large coming towards me. His antlers catch my shoulder, flinging me backwards. I know he is doing what is best for his young.

         I lay there, dazed and bleeding, weeping as I imagine the expectant faces of my young.