Hillary's Cupcakes

( This is a first draft of a children's picture book, each space is a new page. The feedback I am specifically looking for is how the story flows :) )

It was the first day of summer and Hillary was already bored.

“What should we do?” she asked her bulldog Ellie.

Ellie gave a stuffy snort, and then closed her eyes for a nap.

Hillary flung herself on her fluffy blue bed and looked around her room.

She saw her baby blue roller blades, but didn’t feel like roller blading.

She saw her big brown art kit, but was tired to painting.

Then, she saw the new cupcake wrappers her mom had bought her. She picked up the yellow wrappers with pink polka dots, and then shouted for her mom.

“Mom! Can I make a cupcake stand?”

Hillary’s mom took out all of the baking supplies while Hillary opened the cookbook.

“What kind of cupcakes are we making?” her mom asked.

“Lemon!” Hillary sang excitedly.

They baked and then decorated the small yellow cakes until Hillary was sure each one was perfect.

After each cupcake had been carefully inspected, Hillary brought them outside to her cupcake stand.

Her cupcake stand was perfect. The small table had a spot for her cupcakes, her moneybox, and her gigantic cupcake sign which said “Hillary’s Cupcakes 1$” across the front.

The sun was shinning brightly and Hillary knew it wouldn’t be long before someone stopped by to buy one of her tasty cupcakes.

She waited….
And waited…
But nobody came.

“Why isn’t anyone stopping to buy my cupcakes?” she asked Ellie.

“Maybe no one likes lemon cupcakes,” Hillary thought to herself. “Tomorrow I’ll make peanut butter cupcakes!”

The next day Hillary’s mom helped her make ooy gooy peanut butter cupcakes with nuts on top.

Hillary skipped out to her cupcake stand and displayed the new cupcakes proudly. She just knew people would stop to buy these cupcakes.

So she waited…
And waited…
But nobody came.

“ Everyone loves peanut butter cupcakes,” Hillary told Ellie. “So why wont anyone come to my stand?”.

“Maybe peanut butter cupcakes aren’t fancy enough,” she thought to herself. “Tomorrow, I’ll make chocolate raspberry cupcakes!”

The next day Hillary’s mom helped her to bake two whole plates of beautiful chocolate raspberry cupcakes with pink swirly frosting.

“Look how fancy these cupcakes are!” Hillary bragged to Ellie. She knew someone would buy her cupcakes today.

So she waited….
And waited….
But still nobody came.

“I don’t understand!” Hillary shouted. “Why wont anyone stop to buy one of my cupcakes?”.

Hillary’s mom heard her yelling and came out to ask her what was wrong.
“No one will stop to buy my cupcakes” she sniffled sadly.

Hillary’s mom examined her cupcake stand. She saw that the cupcakes were perfect, the tablecloth was evenly placed on the table, but something was wrong with the sign.


“Hillary” her mom laughed quietly. “Did you know that your sign is backwards?”. Hillary gasped and ran to the front of her cupcake stand. The blank back of her gigantic sign sat in front of her stand.


“No one would stop because they didn’t know I had cupcakes!” Hillary laughed with her mom as they flipped the sign over.

Hillary sat back in her chair and waited.

Only a few minutes later a line began to form in front of Hillary’s cupcake stand.

“Hello” said her first customer. “I’d like to buy a cupcake!”