Without You, Without Me

June 4th 2008

Lily Rose Parkinson
1992- 2008
Never Back Down, Never Give Up, Never Look Back

Jason Sanchez stared down at the grave before him. This was where she was laid to rest. Where her body would stay, hopefully in peace, until the dawn of time. It had been two weeks since Lily had been killed in the explosion that had seen the Shard in London destroyed. Chaos had ensued that day. Hundreds dead in an explosion that shook London to its very foundations. Nobody knew the cause. Nobody knew who was to blame, but as the death toll grew ever larger; one thing was left seemingly obvious: Nothing would ever be quite the same again.

Tears slowly began to roll down his cheeks as remembered the memory of his best friend. The girl he had come to love. All the moments they had spent together. All the memories that they had begun to treasure, the only memories he now had of her now. Memories of all the simple things raced back to him. Things like school projects and the day trip they once took to Drayton Manor. Even just the time spent enjoying each other's company felt like the greatest gift in the world to Jason. The images of these events are what rushed through Jason's mind as not for the first time, he dropped, sobbing to his knees. Jason had loved her, anybody who wasn't blind could've seen that. Ever since her death, he had bitterly regretted that he had never told her so.

He eyed the grave with a tear stained face as slowly, he pulled himself back up from the floor. As, just like every day before this one, he slowly walked away grave Lily's grave. Today was slightly different though. "I love you Lily Rose Parkinson" He said softly. He had done it, he had finally said the words, though she would never hear them. They say that the power of one, next to the power of none can be a deadly motive for the evil that walks the earth. They say that it is a coldness that fills the soul of a cold blooded killer, as Jason walked away from Lily's grave he told himself "She was the love of my life, she doesn't deserve this. Death. The cruellest of all fates had claimed her on that day, May 21st"

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Jason saw again the tragedy of a few weeks ago that night. He had been on his way to meet her that day, he had seen all that had happened. He could only stand on helplessly and watch it play out before his eyes. He could not stop the inevitable, or fate, as some call it. He did not know how much his life would soon change, a blink of an eye, then done, changed. Flashes of bright orange flame adorned the City skyline as first the fire came. Then the world around him seemed to slow down. A slow rumbling was emanating from the pit of the Shard. Jason turned and ran, trying to find Lily before it was to late. He was to be too late though, as the Shard exploded around them.

This woke him for the third time that night. A fresh flood of tears leaked down his face as he again promised "I'll try for you Lilly; I'll try to make you proud"

The cheap alarm clock next to his bed read 5:30 AM, he knew he would never get back to sleep again, the nightmares would just consume him. So slowly, he moved over to his desk. Then, sitting down, he allowed his memories to swallow him up.

*7 Years Ago*

A thirteen year old Jason Sanchez stormed up the stairs towards his maths class. To say the least, he was in a foul mood. His temper had been exceedingly short in recent days. Outside, the rain came down in droves, yet he had still been forced by his Mum and Step-Dad to walk the two miles to school that morning. The weather had been bad all week, even though it was the middle of the summer. To Jason, this was a bad omen for things to come, or so he thought. So not knowing that someone was coming around the corner in front of him, he raced around it, resulting in a resounding crash that echoed down the corridor. As they both tumbled to the floor, he gimpsed a pair of the most gorgeous set of blue eyes he had ever seen.

Lily Rose Parkinson: To most she was the most beautiful girl in the year. Yeah, she had her flaws, but with her bright blue eyes that shined like the summer sun shining dow on the oceans, to her long, brown wavy hair that reached down to her shoulders and her smile, that smile that could light up the room like nothing else. Everybody seemed to be totally in love with her.

"S-sorry" Jason said slowly, getting slowly back to his feet.

"No, it's okay, don't worry about it" came the reply.

"Okay, anyway...- Hey? Do I know you from somewhere?" He asked.

"Yeah, you're in my year and most of classes. I don't think we've ever spoken though" She replied sweetly.

"Oh, that's cool. We better get to our lesson though, we don't want to be late and get into trouble" Jason smiled "So my names Jason, what's yours?"

"The names Lily"

And so had formed a amazing relationship, one that could withstand everything the next seven years of their lives would throw at them. Fate had drawn them together and only fate would be able to tear them apart again.

*4 Years Ago*

"Hey Lils', you alright"

"No" she choked out "I've failed my science GCSE, I just know it" A few lonley tears began to form in her eyes as Jason pulled her into the biggest, most crushing hug that he could muster up. She silently cried into his shoulder, body shaking with sobs every so often.

"No Lil', you are smart okay, there is not a way in hell you could fail"

"If you say so" she replied, not really believing it.

*1 Week Ago*
Lily's Funeral

Lest we forget,
The horrors of that day,That day in May,
That day started bright,
All sunny and light,
Before the earth crumbled,
The air rumbled,
All to leave us soo grieving,
A light soul, once whole,
Felt the toll,
Of the horrors of that day,
That day in May

The words of the poem echoed out across the sea of gathered family and friends. They were all grieving for the loss of a bubbly girl, one with a lot to live for, but that hadn't happened. She had lost her battle. The poem left a un-comftorable silence in the air, none had epected what Jason had said, they didn't think he had the words in him to say it. After her family, he had been hit the hardest by the tragedy, you can not be friends for seven years and not feel the loss of a loved one. The crowd watched as silently, a heartbroken Jason Sanchez walked back to his seat before turning and watching as his best friend and love of his life was lowered into the ground.

...........................................................................................................................................................................................

In the days and weeks following Lilly's death, Jason had begun writing. At any point it could anything from poetry to short stories and usually about anything that came to mind at the time. Writing had become his release, it was his way to escape his world and enter somebody else's life, even if it was just for a couple of hours at a time. It made life easier, time seemed to pass quicker. He didn't have to remember the tragedy that had recently occurred. Normally it was about things like love, loss and tragedy.

Jason looked down at the table before him. Scattered across it was scrunched up balls of paper that were filled with his lopsided handwriting, ideas that he was unhappy with, ideas that were going nowhere or not good enough to be shared with anyone. Jason looked down at the two un-crumpled pages that laid upon his desk. He allowed himself a slight smile as he looked at them, now these were two treasures that he was proud to call his own. He picked up the first one and silently read to himself:

He walked alone on these streets that he called home, the only ones that he’d ever known. Or at least, they were. Nobody could ever see the torture, of course they couldn’t. It was never external damage, always internal. Nobody could ever see the sadness of the small boy that roamed the streets alone. Nobody would ever notice, that one day he would just vanish, disappearing into the darkest corners of somebodies memory.

Maybe one day they’ll discover the trauma of this child... the child that was frowned upon for being different. Different in the way that he didn’t sit down and take societies lies. Different because he chose to do what he thought was right, not letting the higher power have it all its own way.

The ways of the world tormented him, why must wars be fought, if not for the greater good? Why do people commit suicide when they have so much to live for? Simple questions that raced through his head, slowly driving him insane until he himself, could not take the pain anymore. He too, took his own life. Nobody noticed, nobody had ever noticed, that small boy.

The lonely boy who walked
The streets he called home, the only
Ones he’d ever known, was gone….

Most say that that in the end, the small boy finally got the freedom he so desired whilst he was alive. They say that in death he could finally do what he could never could in life. The lonely boy could finally look down and see the beauty of time as it slowly lapses. New age after new age could finally be seen by this boy. He could finally appreciate the changing of the seasons, or the extravagant beauty of a solar eclipse. They say that whilst time flows, the once lonely boy can now marvel at the magnificence of the world, basking in its seemingly eternal bliss.

The lonely boy we once saw,
Can now see the beauty,
Of the world

You and me, we laugh and cheer,
Finally, happiness,
For the boy we’ve come to hold so dear.

Jason smiled as he put the first piece of paper down. It was ironic really, how the small boy he had portrayed had had no name. It showed how most people really didn't care about anyone unless they were famous or dead. Still smiling, he picked up the second piece of writing and once more began to read:

I dream of a Castle with it's own moat,
It'll have animals galore, and maybe even a few goats,
I just want to be able to keep my future princess afloat,

I wish for the day that I'll meet that girl,
Preferably soon, as my last girlfriend made me want to hurl,
And in that ball I'll no longer have to hide and curl,

I dream that we'll have a child, or two, or maybe three,
We'll spoil them rotten with a house in a tree,

I wish to be able to read my children stories of love,
Of heartbreak and triumph and all that comes between,
Their hearts will race as the characters face fear,
But in the end they will be able to cheer,
As the character by the end can laugh over it with a beer,

I dream of a life like this,
Where nothing is amiss,
There will be no fear of going into the abyss,

I wish of future that is nothing like my past,
After all, I want my life to last,

I dream that I will be remembered for the life that I lived,
Not all the drugs that as youngsters we took,
I don't to be frowned upon,

I wish to be inspired by all,
I wish to have a dream like Martin Luther King,
I wish to have a brain like Albert Einstein,
I wish to be inspired, even if just by a few,

In the end I dream the most,
That I'll be able to live my life,
In harmony and not in strife,

Is this so wrong?
After all, were all equal,
And all I want to do is belong

This had been Jason's first foray into the world that was poetry. He felt it had gone well, at least for a first attempt. Maybe one day, he'd share it with the world. If they wanted to read it at that is.