A Letter to "Mom"

Many years have passed, Mom, and I want you to know that I'm still looking for you. Not because of I'll be confronting you nor to tell you unpleasant things, but I just want you to reveal the true mystery why you left and gave me to a known family, 20 years ago to be exact. I know, the juncture will eventually come when I can embrace you, and I'm looking forward to that special moment of ours.

When I was young, I was so lunatic that I prayed to God to punish you someday for what you'd done to me. I thought that you're a glutton and selfish, Mom...that happiness was all you wanted for you didn't want to take me as your responsibility. I was wishing those days that you were the one who would arrange my uniform in proper and would clip my hair in a nice and cute way. Sad to say, my mother had done it to me...for you. There was also a time when World War III started between me and my classmates because they all laughed at me. Know the reason why? Because I was an adopted child. Even I put scars on their arms, I knew that I should not defend myself because it was the truth. Some treated me an underdog and used to command me to buy them food in the canteen. I wanted to run to you, Mom. I wanted you to defend me to them. 24/7 back then, that was always my routine. I didn't tell my family about it; but when they found out, they talked to my classmates. I thought, that dilemma would be fixed. But I was wrong. The situation became worse than ever.

Mom, I grew up like I was the enemy of the whole world. I haven't trusted people. I'm scared that they would also leave me like you did. Only a few wants to be with me. They hate me. They're afraid of me. And it really feels like hell. It seems like there's really something wrong with me. There's a part of my life that empty and cannot be filled by anyone even by half. Within me, I know that you are the only one who can fill the gap between my soul and heart; between fantasy and reality; and between light and dark.


Sigh.

But what can I do?

Do I really have the right to find my place in this world?

I was a mistake and I knew it.

You left by the man you loved whom I supposed to call "Dad."

You're a mistress as they say, but I've never hated you.

It's only what they know...not your story.

Now at the age of 20, I've realized that I do not have to loathe the life I'm having now. This life is full of magic and excitement. Every time I watch the stars glistening at night, there's someone whom I unintentionally remember...YOU. :')

Mom, I've graduated from college with flying colors. And now, I'll be giving back the sacrifices and the things my reel parents have bestowed on me. I'll make all of you proud of me.You'll see what your girl has got.

And I know, in God's time, He will make a plan for us. I'll never leave the persons behind my success, but I wish to spend my life and happiness with you, even for one day.

I hope to see you very soon, Mom.

I love you. :)

Signed:

Your REAL daughter