The Department Store

I came around the corner, and was almost relieved to see, well, exactly what I expected to see. I had been confident after two straight weeks of watching at this time of day, but it felt good to finally shut up that last little voice of doubt that seemed to be expecting something to go wrong.
In some ways it might seem easier to pull off something like this while the store is busier, but I knew this was much better. Nice and quiet, only one person working the counter; my new friend with the comically unnecessary amount of hair gel and wearing one of what seemed to be the exactly two ties that he owned. Of course, I had only made myself available and actually spoken to ‘Brent’ (as his nametag said) one time, even though I had been watching every day.
All I had to do now was wait for the right moment. Based on my little ‘recon’ project, I knew it would only be a matter of minutes before some loser came up looking for something shiny to give his wife, or some bored stay-at-home mom dragging three whiny brats around would stop to look at watches for her husband’s birthday. Yeah, that’s exactly what he wants, sweetheart, a fake watch from a department store. And you wonder why he’s so miserable and probably cheating on you.
Any one of the ‘regular’ types that shop at a place like this, the types who can't afford to go to any of the dozen or so real jewelry stores right here in the same mall, would soon be coming by to helpfully grab Brent’s attention. Ah, well…who was I to judge, anyway? Here I was, ready to pocket one of those oh-so-fancy fake rings that they kept on those spinning display tables near the counter. And considering what some of my buddies had to do for their initiations, I was getting off pretty easy. I couldn't wait to walk in and toss the ring on Johnny’s desk, just so I could turn around and see the look on the other guys’ faces. They were all so sure I wouldn't be able to pull this off, all kept saying I was being too cocky about it. Damn, that was gonna be sweet.
I had to snap myself out of that nice little daydream because right on schedule, there was a very unattractive girl asking Brent about a necklace. Thank you very much, Helga. I headed toward the display and locked my eyes on my target. I shot a quick glance at the counter to make sure Brent was still occupied and, yep, totally clueless, exactly as I planned. When it was time to actually make the grab, I actually had to stop myself from smiling. Since I had practiced the move over and over again at home, I had it down pat. Without slowing down at all and with a motion I’d bet no one could have seen even if they were looking, I had the ring in my pocket, just like that. I was prepared for this, so I knew it would be easy, but it had gone even better than I thought it would. The only thing I could think as I headed for the exit was, “damn I'm good!”

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Would today finally be the day? I found myself wondering that every time I punched the clock to start my shift for at least a week now. All the way back to last month, almost every day, there he was. Pretty much always at the same time, too. This weirdo who would just watch me from the corner near the elevators. He was clearly up to something, most likely looking to steal one of the cheap fake rings from the display next to the counter. I really couldn't figure out why he was taking so long to make his move; I mean, the guy couldn't possibly think I hadn't noticed him all this time, could he? For Christ’s sake, he even came over and talked to me once! He tried some casual, friendly small talk, but really he just kept awkwardly shifting his eyes back and forth while sweating profusely, while I spent the whole time trying not to make eye contact with Omar, the ex-Marine security guard because if I had, I would have cracked up. Omar had noticed this clown lurking around the store even before I did. Now, it was just a matter of which day would be the one where I'd be able to signal to Omar that our friend ‘Captain Stealth’ over there had finally gotten up the guts to actually do whatever the hell he was planning to do.
I kept going out of my way to seem totally occupied and oblivious to my surroundings. As entertaining as this guy was, I was ready to be finished with him, and I knew Omar was quite eager to finally get his hands on him.
Before too long, I struck up a conversation with Emma, a friendly high school student who worked at the pretzel place in the food court on weekends. She was in the store looking for a birthday present for her mother and had her eye on a certain necklace. I was enjoying talking with her, and then out of the corner of my eye, eureka! There he was, heading straight for the ring display. I kept an eye on him as discreetly as I could, and made a quick wave at Omar.
Once again, I had to work hard not to burst out laughing when I saw him actually make the theft. The guy actually turned his head away from where he was reaching (obviously thinking he was being incredibly slick and crafty) and managed to knock three other boxes onto the floor while grabbing one. Then, while still looking the other way, managed to get his ring into his coat pocket after at least four failed attempts.
Emma actually did laugh out loud as she witnessed this spectacle, but I was sure the master criminal was too lost in his own world to even notice. The look of satisfaction on his face was simply hilarious. Now, finally, the real fun was about to start. After seeing the guy on the move and then my signal, Omar had made his way to a spot just to the side of the exit. I caught a glimpse of his face, and he wasn't even attempting to hide his smile as the clueless thief happily strolled right toward him, with no idea he was minutes away from some quality alone time with the 6’4”, 220 pound guard who was waiting for him. Oh, how I was looking forward to hearing that story…