Take a sad song and make it better pt 4

CARTER
My eyes blink open slowly, but I resist the urge to wake up. The room is bright and I’m a little queasy thanks to all that damn tequila. Good choice Carter. I can feel him though, Jack’s arms wrapped around my waist tightly, maybe a little too tight even, but something about it feels good. I know the last man to hold me this way was Eric and a part of me wants to get out of this bed, regretting asking Jack to stay, like I’m betraying my husband but I don’t move or wake. I stay this way, glad he didn’t leave. The only thing is I hear him moving now, but I don’t want this to end so I stay still.
“I'm sorry.” I hear Jack say, but he’s clearly still asleep. “I didn’t know what else to do...I had no choice.” I can practically hear the fear in his voice as he speaks and I wonder what is going on inside that head. I slide out of his grasps to turn over and look at him, his brows furrowed and arm twitching slightly. I want to wake him up because he looks so afraid, but I’m a little scared. Though before I can do anything he snaps up, grabbing my hand tightly and waking from the dream breathless and shaking.
“Jack, hey…you’re ok…” I say trying to act like I am not genuinely freaked out. Instead I reach up and hold his face in my hands, trying to bring him back to reality. His eyes are sad and scared but they soon focus on me. “Hey…you’re safe.” I make sure I have his attention and I can see a sense of recognition flash in his eyes.
“Carter?” He looks so lost and I have to be honest I am too. What was he dreaming about that caused him to react this way?
“Yeah I’m here Jack.” I nod my head and try to convey some sense of reassurance not wanting him to feel stupid or anything, but really I have no idea what I’m doing. I do the math in my head and I know the odds were pretty good this had to do with whatever happened while he was in the army. I had heard stories of soldiers coming home, but not being able to escape the war. I tell him I’m here again and gently stroke his cheek hoping it comforts him but I don’t know what else I can do. “Are you alright?” I ask reaching for his hand, not wanting to let go. I know he needs someone, and though I am slightly freaked out by the whole situation I just can’t bring myself to leave. He clutches my hand tighter and looks down as our fingers intertwine, breathing a sigh of relief he laughs. “Is something funny?” I ask genuinely confused at this point but I can’t help from smiling.
“I was just thinking…” He says as he glances up at me, his blue eyes gleaming in the early morning light. “This has been the strangest first date I’ve been on by far.” A small grin appears on his face and I can’t help but crack up, Jack joining me as well. We started the night off declaring to get drunk and have fun, yet somehow despite doing just that our own dramas still managed to dominate our time spent together.
“Yeah it’s definitely up there, sorry about all that last night.” I say shaking my head buying my face in my palm. I can feel Jack’s hand on my neck squeezing it lightly then rubbing my back.
“Hey you don’t have to apologize.” He’s a very touchy feely guy I notice as his hand stays put lightly caressing my back. “You’re reaction was perfectly normal, I’m the one who just had a panic attack for no reason at all.” I glance up from my hands and look at him for a moment. He’s avoiding eye contact but his hand remains on my back. “It’s the dreams…these god damn dreams…” It’s all he says but I don’t ask for anymore information not wanting to put any pressure on him. It’s a sore subject I can tell and if he’s anything like me he’ll talk about it but only if he wants to. “I shouldn’t have stayed.”
“I’m glad you did though.” I interrupt him before he can continue and the look of surprise on his face is actually really sweet. It’s like he genuinely didn’t expect that response, hell I didn’t expect to say it myself. “What I mean is, thank you I guess. I know it was totally weird last night and you could have just bailed because lets face it I’m a hot mess.” He laughs and I can feel his hand pull away for a second which actually kind of bums me out but I continue. “My friends by now are probably pretty damn tired of me feeling sorry for myself and I get that you’re sort of new to the whole situation so you’re not there quite yet so you think this is totally normal but it’s not right? I mean it’s been over a year, I need to get my shit together and be normal again. I want to be normal again…” I stop and take a breath getting kind of embarrassed and flustered for a moment but then Jack’s hand finds mine and he squeezes it reassuringly. “My point is you were there for me, a person you barely know and I just really appreciate it. Please tell me that made sense because right now I kinda feel like I’m just rambling like…a lot.”
“No it makes sense and I get it, but you shouldn’t do that.” He responds and as he brushes a few hairs from my face I suddenly feel a little nervous. I shake it off though and ask what he means.
“Shouldn’t do what?”
“Put yourself down for feeling the way you do. It’s totally justifiable and ya know what sometimes we need more time to…” he pauses trying to find the right words. “…to get our shit together I guess. Don’t let other people make you think you’re handling this wrong Carter. If you’re still sad then be sad, don’t let what your friends or your family think dictate how you feel.” As he says these things I have to wonder if he’s speaking from experience or if he’s just really, really good at giving advice. Either way the things he’s saying make me feel a lot better and I’m just glad to have someone let me know that what I’m feeling makes sense. Instead of telling me I have to move on he’s telling me to take my time and it’s exactly what I need to hear. I want to respond but I don’t know how to follow that, so without thinking really, I throw my arms around his neck hugging him tightly.
His arms stay put at first like he isn’t sure how to react to my embrace but moments later I feel them slide up my back squeezing me closer. I sigh as I hold him wondering where exactly I was going here but when I feel him bury his face in my hair I get the feeling this was the thing he’d needed as well. Whatever that dream had been about it was pretty obvious he was still shaken up even if he could focus enough to give me that awesome advice I got the feeling he wasn’t quite over that. It might sound dumb but Eric always told me a hug could fix almost anything and I have to say that I agree. It’s strange though in the moment even the thought of Eric doesn’t make me feel guilty, only grateful I guess.
We are still holding each other but minutes later I hear my phone ring sort of startling both of us. Much to my dismay Jack releases me so I can answer it and when I check out the caller ID I see that it’s Natalie and I immediately roll my eyes.
“Great it’s Nat.”
“And you’re not happy to hear from your best friend why?” Jacks asks with a laugh and throwing his legs up on the bed getting comfortable once more.
“Well she’s going to want details from last night and oh my god do I not want her to know that I had a fucking emotional breakdown.” I stare at the phone as it continues to ring and I can feel myself freaking out at the thought of Natalie getting news of this. She’s going lose it, say that it was dumb. “Jesus I cannot deal with that right now…” I say tossing my phone on the bed. As it continues to ring I watch Jack who grins widely at me and for a moment I’m slightly suspicious and rightfully so because two seconds later he grabs the phone and answers.
“Hello, Carter’s phone.” Oh my god he didn’t. “Oh Natalie hey…” He totally did. I can feel the smile widen on my face as I listen to what he says next. “Yeah sorry she can’t come to the phone right now, she had a pretty busy night with the hot sex and all.” My jaw drops immediately as I try not to laugh too loud but it’s pointless, I crack up. “Sorry she’ll have to call you back later because I’m pretty sure round two is about to begin. Later Nat.” I am now laughing hysterically no longer able to control it and at some point the snorting begins.
“Oh my god!” I say trying to catch my breath and Jack just nods smirking, pretty damn proud of himself and rightfully so. “You’re fucking awesome man.”
“Yep I am fully aware.” My laughing calms down and I suddenly find myself just kind of looking at Jack, him grinning back at me with those damn intense blue eyes. In all honesty part of me wants to kiss him and the fact that I’m not drunk and having this thought scares me a little. “So what do ya think? Breakfast?” Immediately and without hesitation I nod the two of us sliding from the bed throw on some clothes and make our way out into the kitchen where Jack proceeds to impress me with his omelet making skills as I attempt to successfully cook bacon. Not really much of a surprise but I burn it and set the smoke alarm off, but it’s fun. I’m having a good time doing coupley things with a guy who isn’t Eric and though there is a part of me that feels that damn guilt I suppress it because I think I maybe kinda sorta like him. I think I like him a lot.