The Night I Realized

I was so happy she was here, sleeping over. After all she was my girlfriend. We had just gone upstairs and my little sister followed us up to my room. I wanted her to get out so badly so I could hug her tightly and never let her go. I took out my phone and texted her, asking if she would give me a hug after the little one left. When she got the text, she sort of smiled. I love her smile; it’s so beautiful, just like her.

My little sister finally left and I gave her a huge hug when I heard the door open. My brother was home. He asked if we want to watch Hells Kitchen. We watched it, even though my brother fell asleep; it was pretty late. In the back of my mind I so desperately wanted to be alone with her since she got here. I haven’t really had much of a chance, but I had all night. When the show finally ended I woke my brother up and we went to my room. Finally, just us two. Even if I had been with her so many times at the movies, no matter what, my heart would pick up its pace at the thought, or sight of her.

We were lying down on my bed, talking. It wasn't about much, but we just talked. We watched Safe Haven that night on her IPad, on my bed. I had never seen the movie, and she loves it, so we saw it. As we were watching it I had her in my arms, something that I've always loved. As the movie went forward, she hinted she wanted me to make a move. We had never kissed before. I, of course wanted to, but if she wasn't ready to kiss another girl, it was okay with me. I gave her the time and space she needed, and she was mine, all mine, that’s all I could ever ask for. She slowly led my hand up from where it was on her stomach. I made the move she wanted me to. My hand went where she wanted it to. But, she still wouldn't kiss me. Even when i tried. She said she actually wanted to watch the movie, but told me not to stop for a little. Then almost instantly, she asked if we could stay on top. I did what she asked, but not much time passed before she said to stop completely. It was okay with me if she wanted me to stop, I would never push her into anything she wasn't comfortable with. So we just watched the movie, with her in my arms.
When the ending of the movie came she looked at me waiting for my reaction to it. I freaked. Like what?! No way! She seemed to be amused by my reaction, for when I turned to look at her she had an amused smile on her face, sort of saying ‘I’m dating the biggest idiot in the world’ but she clearly loved it. We've fought quite a bit in the past, and I've always hated it. But tonight, tonight was going to be perfect. Just me and her; her in my arms watching movies. I couldn't ask for a better night; especially with her.

As the night went along, it wasn't that late, maybe around 1 am. In the back of my mind, I constantly thought about how lucky I was. We ended up just laying in bed. I don’t remember what was on the tv, it wasn't important. I was paying attention to her. I was kissing her slowly on the arm. Then I just stopped. We talked a bit. I told her that I knew it was stupid but I don’t know why, I have this thing where if can’t kiss someone, I feel like they aren't really mine. It was stupid I know, and she told me not to think like that. I went back to kissing her arm and started going up. When I was around her neck she told me that I gave her goose bumps. That made me smile. I gave her one more kiss on the cheek then stopped. She then got up, I asked her where she was going, and she told me she was going to go lock the door, and I was going with her. So I got up and out of nowhere, she grabbed me and went in for the kiss. I went to go kiss her back. My heart was pounding inside my chest. I was pulled in close to her.. My hands traveled every inch of her body as we stumbled onto the bed..

It was hot, and sexy, and more amazing than I ever imagined it to be. We were once again lying on my bed, this time in complete darkness. She was in my arms with her head on my chest, and me playing with her hair. She fell asleep there. I laid there feeling so lucky. And for the first time in my life, laying there in the darkness with her falling asleep in my arms, I felt safe. The constant fear I always have, wasn't there. I felt safer than I ever had before. It was then that I realized, I was completely and utterly in love with her.