Silent nomore

Silent nomore 

Part 1 The Doctor's Room 





'Please take a seat and the Doctor will be with you shortly"....the receptionist said handing me back my Medicare Card .

l node politely as l receive  the confirmation that l was definitely going to see the Doctor that evening.

The waiting room is quiet as everyone is politely avoiding to make any unnecessary noise .

I hesitantly look around me to see the faces around me in this room in which everyone seems to try to look like they are minding their own business.

L see a heavily pregnant woman sitting near the doorway looking like she had just swallowed a bitter lemon as she kept making faces as if to show her disgust from the many smells on she could smell at that point as her hormones would have been ragging l suppose.



I look at her and l had that feeling of empathy in my heart as l could feel her pain of being in your own world where smells ,tastes are exaggerated from the usual smells which a few weeks before this foreign seed was implanted would have been pleasant or unnoticeable.



I can feel my cold hands which l am trying really hard to warm up as it is Winter and winter in Orange is usually the coldest around New South Wales with continuous prediction of snow which would threaten to come almost every week.



I sit in that uncomfortable plastic ,fake leather lounge and l try to imagine my fate,l imagine everyone else around me.

My thoughts don't give me a chance to wonder much about other people as the contents of my pelvis remind me sharply why l was in that waiting room .

The patient before me is called in and now my anxiety is growing as l wait in anticipation of the news .l did not want to imagine what awaited me but nature had its own way of reminding me ...the pain in my pelvis.

The pain is a mild ,dull achy pain which is just uncomfortable. "Why am l in so much pain ? I wonder  to myself  .

Fear grips me for a few minutes .What if my child is disabled ?,could he be having some chromosomal defects and could be the reason why the pain was constantly there?

The Louise Hay book positive Affirmations l had been reading throughout the day had me jolt back to that good place l was meant to be...

"l love myself..l really love myself...Only good will come out of tis...l keep repeating the Mantra.

I force my mind into thinking happy thoughts imagine all the happy things l could do with my baby ,l wondered what he/she would be like in personality .Well my little fantasy world is jolted back to reality as the receptionist called my name to go in and see the Doctor .

Dr McGree walks towards me and stretches his hand to shake it"Hi Deb .."

'Good evening Dr McGree " l said looking closely at his face looking for any clues of what awaited me.          

l feel a bit uncomfortable as l  had worked with him but this time l was the patient and l felt like he had a dynamite in that file which could explode at anytime.

We walk toward the consultation room with the file in his hands and he tries too hard to make me feel comfortable "It's a bit chilly out there and my wife has just made my best Casserole ,with the number of patients out there l wonder if l will make it home before she gives it to the dog..." he said jokingly.

"Oh come on Mrs McGree would not do that .."l mentioned quietly as my mood could not manage being in such a casual conversation whist l felt anxious to know what the blood results revealed.



"After receiving that phone call that afternoon from the Doctors Surgery l was just restless that something was not right but you can never tell.

"Something is not right Kim. Why would Dr McGee want to see me today after my blood tests ? l ask my friend as we wash our hands in the Clinic room after changing an Vac Dressing which needed the two of us to change.

It had taken all my might to go through that dressing as now everything besides coffee smelt rotten ...including my favorite perfume Chanel Chance.



'You could  probably be carrying twins " Kim chuckles

"I am not listening to that.."'Anyway that for assisting me with that dressing , l've been dreading to do it all day..



We had continued with the progress notes and l looked up after having put down our through most of them and l realized it was time to go home.



My tummy starts to churn as l realized that my appointment with the Dr was approaching and l realized how much l don't like not knowing what is happening had tried to get the lady who had called me earlier to hint me if everything was alright but she obviously had her privacy lessons well understood and she started explaining why the do not discuss the patient's result on the phone ...l guess the last ting she was about to tell me was the legislation she was referring to.



Now finally the time l have not really been waiting for had come and l sit opposite the Dr who l look at closely still trying to watch for the signs on his face which could warn me of what was coming my way.

How could l so easily forget that one of the best skills Health professionals have is to be able to act as if the twin towers are falling but all is alright look .At that moment l cursed professionalism at making us have these unhumanlike expressions on our faces without giving away the facts.



Dr McGee reads through the results and has a little frown of concern on his face...

"Ok Deb ..How is everything else going' he asks now looking a bit more concerned

"I'm alright just the dull pain in my lower abdomen that is not going away"

Goes it bother you all the times or during specific activities?

"All the time "l answer with some confidence in my voice as trying to act as if its nothing much but l was dying to know why he was asking .



"From our last consultation we had confirmed that the pregnancy  was about 5 weeks " Hormone levels in your blood are  said factually ...which puts us at 7 weeks ...

The reason why l called you is that Gonado Trophic  Hormone levels in your blood  are lowering instead of increasing and l am getting concerned if the baby is growing well .