My Life as a Closeted Insane Person

Today my brain almost exploded. I couldn't focus at work. All I could think about was what I wanted to write and how I wanted to read through it and be thoroughly satisfied with what I create. I've quickly realized that all I have is writing. If I can't succeed as this then I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I want to do something to help the world to help me be happy. You have to understand that I'm good at many things.

The problem is that I don't have the best appearance at times. Sometimes I go through times when I focus only on the artwork I'm creating in my head and trying to get down on paper. During those times I fall out of society's norms. For example there was a time recently that I was so depressed that I barely had the strength to get dressed in the morning and shower. I managed to shower each day but there were times that I did not wear underwear. The main reason for this was because the depression sapped all of my energy to do normal household chores. I didn't do laundry like I should.

Which brings us to my current strong need to leave my job for a new one. I had a zipper malfunction on a couple of those days I learned later on from overhearing the laughter of others. My zipper had kept falling and I was apparently exposing myself to coworkers and customers. Somehow I managed to not only keep my job but no one even told me about the problem. People made inside jokes about it. Inside as in everyone I work with except me. After enough side comments and finally noticing myself, I caught on to the issue at hand. The dead give away was the snicker and little laugh the HR Manager did the last two times she passed me. I had since purchased new pants but I could tell that it was still on people's minds.

Me? I would just pull someone aside and them in private the first time that I notice it. That would be that and it wouldn't be a problem for them again and I wouldn't have any need to laugh about it because why would I anyway. I don't care what people wear or don't wear and I would just look away. Well, as you are probably thinking, I'm not normal. I've volunteered with crazy people before and the ones who are dressed inappropriately just make me think they much be very comfortable and good for them. I don't point and laugh.

Anywho, I'm not exactly mad at my coworkers for not saying anything. I understand that I am "confrontational" not combative or violent or even loud in anyway, just confrontational. I say what needs to be said, even embarrassing things because wouldn't you rather know that you're walking around half naked than for everyone to just point and laugh behind your back and plan ways to fire you? If even one of them had taken the time to say something, then it would have been taken care of but they didn't. If anyone had taken the time to ask then I also would have maybe shared with them that I'm struggling with depression but no asked. They all chose instead to take the easy way.

What I've realized from this experience is that, "Yes, I am unaquivically crazy. Who on earth walks around without underwear and with they fly down wihtout noticing? Only a crazy person." So what do I do? Do I commit myself? I'm not that crazy and I assure you I will always wear underwear for the rest of my life from now on. I have learned a lesson and be ostracized and ridiculed. The ridicule happens often. People who don't know me think I'm cold. As a result they don't like me or think I don't like them which naturally makes me a source for laughter behind my back. I can't even blame them. I mean, who does that?! Really?

I could keep trying to fit in to a society and lifesytle that I don't fit into or I can finally embrace my freak flag and let it wave. I am not cut out for typical large corporation jobs. I don't want to deal with an HR that is there to protect the company under the pretense that it's there for the employees.

I'm crazy compared to what society wants. It's time I accepted it.