Self Destruct

And i take a deep breath but i still feel like i'm sinking
drowning in a bowl, nothing left to believe in
and i'm doubting myself, doubting my religion
reassessing my beliefs, given up on traditions
these words that I'm writing they don't let it all out
I'm just a girl, a person, living with her doubts
but i'm trying to regroup, trying to get one step higher
but the stress is pushing down on me, building a brick wall against my desires
and it's blocking my path, blocking everything i've dreamed
i'm losing myself in this manmade stream
and i can't stop the tears that keep cascading down my face
i haven't cried this much in years
i can't help feeling so disgraced
but this worry it's eating me, it's eating me alive
i feel like there's something in me, trying to break to the outside
and i'm trying to take my time, trying to lose all of these fears
trying to stop myself from caring about what happened after all these years
and the past keeps rearing it's undesirable head
it's making me a mess, this worry is causing me dread
and i'm losing myself in this manmade stream
and I can't stop the tears that cascade down my face
I can't stop myself from believing
that I'm just another disaster awaiting to happen
a self destructive failure