Somewhere Only We Know

Somewhere Only We Know

    It was an old dirt road in the middle of nowhere. A dirt road that was made by us walking back and forth all of these years. It was a place that we had visited often, but not nearly enough. We spent countless days of our summer vacations there, swimming in the river that ran through the big meadow, swinging from the rope that you tied to the huge tree above.

    It was there that we found love in each other. The place where you asked me to be your girlfriend. The place we shared our first shy and noticeably inexperienced kiss. Where we spent countless hours staring up at the night sky trying to count the stars as you held me tightly in your arms. It’s where we lost our virginity to each other. Where you got down on your knee and proposed to me. Where I said yes to your proposal. It was also the place we came to get away; escape from the real world.

    The meadow was our place. It was a place of happiness, and joy, and memories never forgotten. When there, time was of no importance, and it almost felt as if time itself would slow just so we could be together. It is where we would go so nobody would see us cry or hear us yell about all the bad things in our lives.

    Some of the greatest memories are the little ones. We used to take a big quilt and lay it out in the tall grass in the spring. You would bring your guitar and sing songs that you had written just for me. We would make a big lunch to take with us so that we wouldn’t have to worry about leaving to get food. I would always have to pack a Hershey’s bar for us to share after lunch. It was always your favorite, and you would sulk if I forgot. We would have tickle fights almost every time we were there, and we would end up laughing so hard we couldn’t breath.

      Because I lived on a huge farm only about a mile away, we would ride bikes to the little dirt road and then ditch them in the grass halfway to the meadow. Even after we had wed, we would ride bikes down to the meadow and spend the day there.

    As a married couple we made new memories there. It’s where I told you that we were expecting our first child, even though we lost it three months later. It’s where we tried for another child, numerous times.

    And though there were many good memories, there were also many bad ones. It’s where many fights between us took place. It’s where you broke your leg, I broke my arm, and we both had to spend months in casts. The meadow is also where our lives changed forever.

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    One day as we were walking back to our bikes I noticed that you were lagging behind. When I turned to tell you to hurry I saw that your eyes were glossy looking. I asked you what was wrong, but as I started to make my way over to you, your body fell to the ground. You seemed to jerk around, your whole body shaking. You were making little gag-like noises as your body jumped and jerked on the ground. I called your name over and over, then realized that you were having a seizure.

    I pulled out my cell phone and dialed 911. Though I didn’t want to leave your side, the operator told me to run out to the road and place one of the bikes on the side so the ambulance would see it. It felt like the longest run for such a short distance.

    When I got back, you weren’t breathing. The operator explained how to do CPR, and so I began to pump your chest. When I was breathing life into your now lifeless body, I felt myself start to lose it. The panic really began to set in.

    Finally after what seems like forever, the ambulance arrives and they take over trying to bring you back to me. They don’t allow me to ride with you, but an officer gives me a ride to the hospital.

    It was over two hours before they let me see you. You were in a coma, and the doctor told me that you would never wake up again. I sat by your bed for hours, maybe even days, crying. I couldn’t believe that I might never get you to myself again. Never get to feel your touch, hear your voice, see your smile. I denied it. The doctor suggested letting you go, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t just give up on you; you never gave up on me. You would come back to me. You always did, no matter what.

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    It has been six months since he had his seizure. I still visit him every day and pray that one day he will wake up. I tell him our story, the good memories, bad memories, and about his seizure. I don’t know if he hears me, but I tell him anyway.

    Today I am doing what I have done so many times before; I am going to the meadow. I jump on my bike and start peddling down the road. I begin thinking of him again, and I swallow the lump that made it’s way into my throat. It’s still hard without him. I have known him my whole life. We started out as best friends in second grade, and when we got into high school we fell in love. Life without him doesn’t really fill like life at all, and every day is a constant struggle.

    I make it to the dirt road that I am so familiar with. I ride the bike half way then ditch it in the grass. I walk the rest of the way and sit down in the grass overlooking the river, pulling out a Hershey‘s bar from my pocket. My fingers peel away the rapper, and I munch into the chocolate bar. This is the first time coming here since he has been in the hospital. Tears roll down my face, and I bring a hand up to wipe them away. But I can’t stop crying now, and my tears soon turn into sobs. I wrap the chocolate back up and stuff it back into my pocket again.

    Maybe it is time to let him go. Maybe I do need to move on. Sobs came harder as I contemplated it. I can’t stay here. I can’t think like this. I get up and start running across the meadow to the dirt road. I stop at the spot where I last saw him walking. My heart seems to squeeze in my chest and I began moving again.

    I make it back to my bike, but my phone rings before I can get on. I don’t recognize the number and almost don’t answer, but thought it could be my boss from his hotel room. I flip the phone open and answer.

    It’s the hospital. My heart races as I think of the worst. I almost hang up right then. I don’t want to know that he’s gone. I’m not ready, and I don’t know how I will handle it. But the nurse talks anyway. What she tells me makes me drop the phone. My heart stops for a minute and I bring a shaky hand up to my mouth.

    Tears rolled down my cheeks again. I started jumping up and down screaming at the top of my lungs. He was alive. He was alive and awake, and he was asking for me. I picked up my phone, jumped on my bike, and peddled as fast as I could back to my house. When I got there I ran inside, grabbed my car keys and flew to the hospital.

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    I ran through the doors, down the hallway, and all the way to his room. The doctor is outside his door waiting for me. He tells me that he remembers everything that happened to him. He told me to go see him, but stopped me right before I walked into the door. I gave him a confused look, but he put a hand on my shoulder and told me that I was right. I always knew that he would wake up, and he did. I believed, and it worked.

    I walked into the room and stopped dead in my tracks. For the third time that day tears made their way down my face. There he was. Sitting up in the hospital bed, his trademark smile spread wide across his face. I smiled, and let a small sob escape my lips as I made my way to his bedside. I looked down at him and saw that he was looking at me. His eyes shifted down, and his hands went to my stomach trying to feel his baby inside.

    I watched as tears poured from his eyes. He scooted over on his bed, and I laid beside him as he wrapped me in his arms. Finally after all this time I get to feel his touch again. We didn’t even say anything to each other. We just sat there in his bed and stared into each others eyes.

    The doctors never did find out what caused the seizure. It will always be a mystery. They also said that he could have another one, but that there is a low chance of him actually having one.

    It’s funny really, how everything seems to happen in that place. The place that nobody but me and him know about. The place where so many memories, good and bad were made. Somewhere only we know.