The Last Walk

         I stood there at the edge of the road for what felt like hours, watching the passing cars. After a while all the headlights of the cars seemed to blend together, transforming the busy highway into river of light. It all felt surreal. Was it another dream? It might as well have been, it wouldn't have really made a difference. I hadn't gotten any sleep in days and I was pretty sure I was beginning to see things. As I stood there gazing into the steady stream of oncoming cars I thought about my life, about how vain everything was. It seemed like there was really no point to any of this, like we were all breathing just to pass the time. Everything you do in this life will just be washed away after you die. All the money you accumulate, all the fame and power, all the respect, it will all just blow away like chaff in the wind. What good was even trying to make the world a better place? The state of the living world makes no difference to the dead. Good and evil is relative. In the end it makes no difference to the worms what kind of a man you were; they'll eat you all the same.

         I had become so very bored of this life. I was like a dog chasing cars. My life was filled with one feeble pursuit after the other. Just like the Bible says "Vanity, vanity, everything is vanity". Why wait to die a pathetic feeble old man? Why live this painful life? This world is like one cruel joke. Get busy living or get busy dying. I took a step closer the road. I could now feel the gusts of wind that came with each passing vehicle. It would look like an accident, so I wouldn't even have to bother leaving a note to explain myself. How convenient. I had talked to counselors, psychiatrists, and priests, and not one of them understood what I was talking about. They all looked at me like I was some sort of madman. How could it be that they had some sort of reason to keep on living? Did they just have the answer, or were they just too stupid to see the truth? It's better that I not leave a note. It's simpler this way. I was never good at saying "goodbye". I took another step onto the edge of the road. Now I just had to wait for the right moment. At last, the opportune moment came in the form of an SUV. I closed my eyes, clenched my fists, and took my last step into the road.