Just out of reach

I wasn't even looking when you came along. I had given up. Because that's just how it is for me. It never works out. I've had my heart broken, been made a fool of, been cheated on, and used.
Love has been very cruel to me. And I don't know why. I seem to be such easy prey for men. And as intelligent as I am, I'm still a fool.
So now, after years of being alone and going unnoticed, you come along to shake things up. You're charming and seem to know just what to say to lift the fog. So without even realizing it, I start to allow myself to feel. Something. Anything. And I start to get pulled in. I get lulled into what seems to feel like happier days. I begin to want it again. I being to crave it again. And then just when it feels like I can take the leap and I'm ready to give it one last chance, it happens. It gets pulled away. Just out of reach. It's always just out of reach. And it's cruel. And it hurts.
It seems as though someone is playing a cruel joke. "Let's see how many times we can make her fall for someone, and then crush her."

When you told me the news today, I put on a great show. I played it cool. So cool in fact, that you never knew that I was dying inside. How cruel is fate that we met a few weeks too late? What could have been if fate had brought us together sooner? And where does this leave me now? What are you going to do? What am I going to do? Why did this have to happen? Why?

I came home and let the tears fall. Why is it that love is always just dangled in front of me and when I reach for it, it gets yanked away. Always. Do I deserve this for some reason? If so, then I wish someone would tell me because I just don't understand.

There is something between us that I can't explain. And you can't either - you said it yourself today. If I feel it, and you feel it, then why can't it be?

I really feel like this is the cruelest thing that's ever happened to me. After all of this time, to have someone so right for me pulled just out of reach. And now I can feel my heart slowly starting to back into the darkness, but I don't want it to. My heart tells me to fight for it, but my head tells me that there is a world of hurt waiting for me if I do. Which side will win out? Which side is the right side?