Shattered

You’re right.

You have been right all along.

The way I can build myself up to the happiest point of my life and then come crashing down terribly. I try my hardest to become the light and yet at the end of the day, I allow the darkness to tear me right back down. You are a creature of legend. A majestic being who deserves nothing but the best from somebody who will appreciate your existence for what it is. Never trying to change you. Never trying to mold you into something you’re not. I work towards this impossible goal of achieving some sort of divine calling within myself, just to tear myself down with my own delusions and accusations. I can’t just accept the happiness that is there because I’m constantly tearing at myself for my decisions. I have broken myself from my roots and crafted myself into a being incapable of appreciating what he has. I have let my subconscious rip at any shred of enlightening existence through the sheer disappointment of not being happy enough. And for that, I have lost you. For that, I have lost the one person who has placed me in such a state of euphoria that at times, I find myself biting my tongue to prevent saying something even remotely uninteresting in the fear that you’ll find another. I have lost the one person who was there for me in my darkest times when I had nobody. I have lost the one who believed in me. I have lost you, goddess of mine. I have lost your trust, I have lost your love, and I have lost your existence.

If I could rewind the hands of time, I would not. Not because I did not enjoy the times when the ecstasy of our happiness would flow through our souls in a river of endless emotion, but because though I have lost my way, you have continued to grow into an individual capable of maintaining the perfection of the magnificent spirit who holds my heart still to this day. Forever I will belong to you. Forever I will be yours. Perhaps not physically, as the door remains ajar and the frozen tundra bites at my throat. However, the fractured organ that remains slowly beating in my chest, though cracked and incomplete, will forever belong to you. Never a soul these lips will touch. Never a being these hands will caress. Nevermore will this love be tainted. I am yours. Forever.

And until that day comes again, I will wait. I will write. I will carry on through this ink and parchment. I will carry on through the memories that will influence the creation of my psyche. I will carry on in the hopes that you one day come to love me again.

Because until that day arrives . . .

I am shattered.