Edmund and the Dwarf Treasure

Edmund had a big problem.

He came from a poor family. And being poor was generally a disadvantage, but recently, it had become a serious issue because at the age of fifteen, he had begun to notice that Linda, the girl who lived on the farm next to his was very beautiful, but whenever he went to visit her, she would talk about what happened when another boy visited her.

"Oh, Edmund," she would say, "Garlon was here today to court me." And Edmund's face would fall, because Garlon was the son of one of the richest men in the province. "Look at what he gave me," and she would exhibit some expensive item like a golden ring, a bracelet with real rubies, or some other such thing.

It was on a day like this that Edmund finally mustered the courage to ask, "Do you think you're going to marry Garlon?"

"Well, I suppose," said Linda quietly, "I mean, who else would I marry at this stage?"

Edmund bit his tongue to keep from answering that.

"I mean," Linda went on, "nobody else gives me such expensive presents, so I suppose he must love me."

She paused and was silent for a moment. "Still, all of these things aren't as valuable as I'd like."

Edmund's eyes narrowed. "What more could you want?"

"Well, Garlon only gives me human-made treasures. I've heard that the best things in the world are made by dwarfs."

"Well, people say that," said Edmund, "but nobody even knows if dwarfs are real."

"True," said Linda, "but if only some man were to bring me back a real dwarf treasure. Then, I'd know that someone really loved me."

It was all Edmund needed to hear. The next morning, he decided to go out searching for Dwarf treasure.
* * *


Edmund had some idea of where to look for dwarfs. The stories of them all came from the Northern Kingdom. He had never been there before, but midway through the day, he took a ferry across the river which separated his kingdom from Northern Kingdom.

When he stepped off the ferry, he was surprised to see that the entire village seemed shrouded in mist. Creepy, he thought, but he managed to find his way to a village tavern. Maybe someone can help here, he thought.

Inside the tavern, there was a tall slender woman with long golden hair serving drinks. She smiled pleasantly at Edmund. "Hello stranger. Having a beer?"

The truth was that Edmund did not usually drink beer, but he imagined that it was what everyone drank in this place, so he nodded.

The woman placed a mug of frothy beer in front of Edmund. He took a sip and tried not to make a face at the bitter flavor.

"Idun, quit fooling around and bring us our six pints!" called a voice from the back of the tavern. Edmund could see that the voice belonged to a large man with a long beard. He did not look friendly.

"Calm down, Yorick," said the woman, whose name must have been Idun. "I'm just helping another customer."

"Another customer?" said Yorick as if that were the idea that there were any customers but him was ridiculous. He stepped forward to the front of the bar and looked at Edmund. "Hey, you're not from around here? Are you?"

"No," admitted Edmund trying not to get nervous, "I'm from the South."

"Well, what are you doing in this country."

Edmund decided that honesty was as good a policy as any here. "I'm looking for dwarf treasure."

Immediately, there was a loud reaction in the bar. Most people were laughing, but Idun was smiling sympathetically. "Dwarf treasure?" said Yorick laughing with the crowd. "Do you really believe in Dwarf treasure?"

"I guess I'm not sure," Edmund admitted.

Idun gave him a smile. "Well dear, if dwarf treasure can be found anywhere it can be found in the mountains outside of the town. But you'll have to go after dark. Dwarfs never come out in daylight, you know."

Before Edmund could thank her, Yorick spoke up, "who asked you to open your mouth, you stupid wench? Besides, why are you encouraging this fool when you should be getting our drinks?" Then he gave Idun a slap on the face for emphasis.

"All right, Yorick," said Idun getting nervous. "I'm getting your drinks."

"You're not getting them fast enough." Then he raised his fists and began punching Idun on the chin.

For a minute, Edmund wondered if someone would do anything, but when he looked around the bar, he saw that most of the other patrons were glancing at the ceiling, the floor, or even their beer mugs, but none seemed to want to watch this altercation.

In the end, Edmund decided to leave the tavern quickly without bothering to pay for his beer.
* * *


For the rest of the day, Edmund hiked from the town into the mountains. By nightfall, he was well into the mountain forest wondering if he had made a mistake in coming this far. The place was dark and seemed almost deserted. But just when he was about to give up and turn around to go home, he saw a light in the forest. He followed the light and saw that it was a campfire. Gathered around the campfire were three men. At least, they looked like men with long white beards, but all three of them were rather small, no bigger then children. Edmund was excited. They could only be dwarfs.

"Ai," cried one as Edmund approached. "What have we here?"

"It looks like a big person," said another.

"A big person?" said the third. "Rather far from the village, ain't he?"

There was a silence as the first dwarf looked at Edmund and seemed to be sizing him up. Finally, he walked up to Edmund and shouted in his ear, "Are you a big person?"

Edmund backed away and rubbed his ear in surprise. "Er. . .Yes."

"Ask him what he's doing so far from the village?" said one of the other dwarfs.

The first dwarf stepped forward and yelled again, ""What are you doing-"

"You don't need to yell at me," interrupted Edmund. "Where did you get the idea that big people can't hear?"

The dwarfs looked at each other. "You know," said one, "I never really thought of that. Dimu, do you know why we always shout at big people?"

"No, Donger, I don't," said another. "Deefing, do you know?"

The third dwarf shook his head sadly.

"Oh well," said the first dwarf, Donger, "You still haven't told us why you're so far from the village."

Edmund had almost forgotten that himself. "I'm looking for dwarf treasure."

"Dwarf treasure, Ah." The dwarfs all looked at each other and nodded. They seemed to approve of the idea.

"Can you give me some?"

"Give you some?" said Donger. "I'm afraid it's not that simple."

"Not that simple." echoed the other dwarfs.

"You see, there are rules about dwarf treasure."

"Rules!" echoed the dwarfs.

"Before one can get dwarf treasure he must prove himself worthy."

"Worthy!"

Edmund had a feeling that something like this was coming. "All right, how can I prove myself worthy?"

"Well," said Donger scratching his head, "That's a very good question. How can he prove himself worthy?"

"He can could climb to the top of Mt. Snifflesnaff and bring us back some of the flame from that volcano," said Dimu.

Donger shook his head. "Mt. Snifflesnaff went extinct a few years ago."

"Well," said Deefing, "he could always steal an egg from that venom-breathing dragon who lives across the sea from here."

"No," said Donger, "I heard that dragon stopped laying eggs. She says it's too much trouble what with all the people stealing them."

"Well," said Dimu, "I have an idea. . .He can go and slay a Tyrannosaurus Rex."

"What's a Tyrannosaurus Rex?" asked Edmund.

"A dangerous beast, to be sure," said Donger looking at Dimu coldly, "but it's been extinct for several million years now." Dimu looked ashamed.

There was another silence. Finally, Donger spoke. "I think I know the best solution. This big person can prove his worth very easily by attempting to catch Deefing."

"Catch Deefing?" asked Edmund skeptically.

"Sure, it's very simple. You see, all you have to do is chase Deefing down the mountain. If you can catch him, you get the treasure. I should warn you, though. Deefing is notoriously fleet of foot." Deefing smiled proudly.

"Sounds simple enough," said Edmund. "When do we start?"

"No time like the present," said Deefing, and he leaped up and began running.
* * *


Edmund chased Deefing, but it was tiresome work. Not only did Deefing run extremely fast, but in the dark night he had a habit of disappearing very quickly. In fact, sometimes Deefing would disappear and leave an exhausted Edmund thinking that he should give up, but then Deefing would appear and smile tauntingly, so Edmund would resume chasing him.

This must have gone on for several hours. Eventually, Edmund was surprised to see that Deefing was running into the village. You would think a dwarf would avoid a place like that, he thought, but maybe it was so late at night that Deefing wasn't afraid of being spotted. It was even more surprising when he saw Deefing smile and duck into the tavern.

Inside the tavern, the same group of people seemed to be gathered including the girl, Idun, who smiled at Edmund and said, "Hello. What brings you back here? You look a little out of breath.

"Well, I was chasing the dwarf."

"What dwarf?" said an unpleasantly familiar voice. Edmund turned to see Yorick striding towards the front of the bar. "What dwarf are you talking about?"

"Uh well. . ." said Edmund looking desperately around the room for some sign of Deefing. "A few minutes ago, a dwarf was running from me and he entered this tavern. . ."

This produced general laughter in the room. "You are a stupid fool," said Yorick. "There's no dwarf in here." He gave Edmund a shove to make the point.

"Now, Yorick, don't be mean to him-" said Idun.

Yorick turned angrily to Idun. "How many times do I have to tell you to stay out of my business, wench." Then, he punched Idun on the jaw.

Seeing Idun stagger backwards made something snap in Edmund. "Excuse me, Sir," he said, "but I don't really like people who go around punching women."

"Oh you don't," said Yorick smiling again. "And what are you going to do about it."

"Well," said Edmund nervously, "my mother always taught me to have good manners, so I guess I'll just ask you to apologize to that lady and everything will be fine."

"Oh really?" said Yorick incredulously, "and what if I don't want to apologize to the lady?"

"Well," said Edmund. "In that case there is something my father taught me." Then he took a deep breath and punched Yorick a right hook across the face. Yorick fell backwards onto a table.

For a minute, Edmund was surprised with himself and he couldn't help wondering if he had done the wrong thing. But then he heard something from the back of the bar. A faint applause which gradually built until the entire room was clapping.

Edmund looked at Idun, who was smiling again. "Thank you," she said. She filled a mug with beer. "Have one on the house," she said putting it in front of him.

Well, that was not exactly Edmund's idea of a reward, but he tried to look gracious and enjoy the beer. As he was swallowing his first sip, he heard a familiar giggle. He saw that Deerfing was now seated on the bar stool next to him. "You've had quite an adventure," said Deerfing, "but you still haven't caught me."

"Does that mean I don't get any treasure?"

"Well," said Deerfing, "I've always been a sporting dwarf, so I'll tell what I'll do. You can have one last chance to get some treasure. All you have to do is catch me. . .right now." Then he stood and leaped into the air over the bar in the direction of Idun.

Edmund jumped to his feet and tried to grab the dwarf with both hands. . .

"Well, of all the nerve!" said Idun. "You think that just because you helped me out, I'm going to put up with this?"

It took Edmund a moment to realize what she was talking about, but then he realized that both of his hands were resting on Idun's chest. His face turned red. "It--It isn't what you think. I was trying to catch the dwarf."

"What dwarf?" said Idun backing away.

"The dwarf that was sitting here and just leaped at you." Edmund looked around, but Deerfing was nowhere in sight.

"Oh dear," said Idun softening a little. "I think you'd better not drink anymore of this. You've had enough." And she took his mug of beer away. Edmund didn't bother objecting to that. As she was cleaning out the mug, she looked at Edmund and seemed to smile in spite of herself. "You know," she said, "I close this place in half an hour. If you'd like to come by then, I could thank you properly." She flashed a bright smile.

Edmund realized that he liked the idea. He smiled and nodded. Also he thought he saw something out of the corner of his eye. It was Deerfing sitting at the bar again, but this time, he was winking at Edmund and pointing upwards with his thumb.