Remembering Maggie

Remembering Maggie

         The sun was shining out in my yard.  I could hear the birds chirping and I breathed in the fresh air.  It felt…perfect, and the warm sunlight beamed down on my face.  Maggie was there, sitting in the dewy grass with the kids.  They smiled at me and I smile back and we at sandwiches on a picnic blanket.  My daughter chased butterflies and my son played in the sandbox and I kissed my wife, never feeling more proud.

         I woke up , eyes droopy, bright lights blinding me.  I could hear a beeping, a rhythmic beeping, endlessly beeping.  My eyes began to adjust to my surroundings, slowly but surely I could make out what was around me.  I could make out what almost looked like a face, a face hovering over me.  The face turned to look the their side, they yelled something out, I couldn’t make it out, my mind was too foggy to understand what was being said.  Soon I could see a crowd of faces, I could just make out astonishment in their expression.  Their voices sounded as though they were under water.  Deep and distant, slowly but surely I could make out was being said.

“…..awake”

“Hi…….ye……ope…ing”

“Twenty-five years…”

         My eyes opened wide as I heard the first cohesive statement come from one of the many faces that surrounded me.  The sudden shock forced reality to come rushing back, my eyes adjusted rapidly and the faces became visible.  I was in a hospital, weak and tired, surrounded by vague and unfamiliar faces.  The people around me hugged my bed ridden body, I do not remember these people, they say they know me, they say they love me.  I forget, I forget who they are and it creates a lump in my throat as I try not to cry. 

         The doctor walks in, disperses the crowd, explains the situation.  It’s like something out of a movie, a lot of “Twenty-five years in a coma” and “A lot has changed” and “Life won’t be quite the same for a while”  The doctor says I can’t leave for a while, says it’s not a good idea to leave without proper testing and making sure I’m strong enough for daily life. 

         Everyday I’m cared for by nurses, the nurses feed me, they help me with physical therapy to help my atrophied muscles.  It takes several months before I’m able to leave the hospital.  It’s not uncommon for people to visit me, they tell me what has changed, they tell me about advances in technology and what has happened in the family, my son Jack has grown up into such a strong man, he is married now to a beautiful woman and they have a six month old baby. My daughter Chloe has become a doctor, she lives a comfortable life with her wife and the two of them are planning to adopt a young boy by the name of Daniel.  My entire family has grown up in the blink of an eye, I have become a modern day Rip Van Winkle. 

         After a couple weeks I begin to wonder about my wife, Maggie.  At first I thought she may have been reluctant to see her husband after I was in such a long coma.  One day I begin to notice that my children seem to be holding something back from me, they are distant about some subjects.  I can see sadness in their eyes when I bring up Maggie when I reminisce about the past.  One day I decide to ask Chloe why Maggie hasn’t visited and she begins to cry.  I look at her startled and I begin to understand the situation.  My daughter looks back at me through her tears and tells me that Maggie killed herself after I was in a coma for ten years.

         The news is heart breaking, I feel a pain in my chest so hard the wind in knocked out of me.  I ask Chloe to leave the room, I do not eat that day, I was not visited by a nurse that day.  I spend the rest of the day looking back at my life, what I remember of Maggie, her eyes, her smile, the way that she laughed, the way that she always knew what she was doing.  She was the last person I would have imagined to have killed herself but she did.  I could have become completely brain dead, it was something for her to worry about.  I remembered when I met her, when we used to spend late nights in each other’s arms watching movies and making fun of the actors.  It was bliss for she was bliss personified, and now she was gone.

         I told Chloe the stories of Maggie and I, how she always wanted to travel to Africa because she wanted to watch an African thunder storm in the arms of a lover.  I told her about when I married Maggie and how she couldn’t have been more beautiful on that day, I had hoped to last an eternity with that beautiful woman, to start every morning and end every night with her.  Chloe was consoling, she herself was still dealing with the death of her mother, Jack had been quicker to accept it but according to Chloe he had become quieter after Maggie’s death.  Jack left the house at eighteen, rarely ever came back until he met his wife.  Jack never went to college, he’s been a slacker his entire life by what Chloe tells me, although he’s clearly running away from something that’s bothering him. 

         Chloe finally opens up to me about her life, she tells me about when she met her wife, when she came out as a lesbian to the family, how after she came out she’s always wondered how I would feel.  I tell her that I love her, that I could never hate her for the way that she is, she hugs me and kisses me on the cheek, tears of happiness roll down her cheek as something that has been weighing on her is finally taken off of her shoulders. 

         I am put through extensive physical therapy for a year before I am able to leave the hospital again.  When I am permitted to leave my family holds a surprise party for me in my daughter’s house, I meet her wife Heather for the first time and I couldn’t be more proud for Chloe.  Jack is there too, his wife Amber is there as well, the two of them are good to each other but I can tell their relationship is strained for unspoken reasons.  We talk in the living room while my sister and her husband make dinner.  We eat a delicious meal before gathering in the living room again, we play games, we talk about the past, we talk about the happy things that happened when I was in the coma.

         I am now a sixty-three year old man, my wife killed herself fifteen years ago, my son and daughter have lead successful lives and have begun to settle down.  Chloe and Heather are kind enough to keep me in their house as my old house fell to disrepair.  I may have lost the love of my life but I have found comfort in a family willing to care for a man who has lost twenty-five years of his life.  I have time to make up for and a family I would like nothing more than to spend it with.