Eternity Without Parole

I didn’t see them pull the plug. I only saw the light as I moved toward it.

A feeling of peace and love fell over me and I saw blurred images surrounding me that clarified into the faces of family and friends who’d gone before. I laughed and cried and we held each other or shook hands or kissed. There was music playing that I didn’t recognize but it was the most beautiful music I’d ever heard.

This was heaven, I knew.

I wasn’t sure whether to kiss my first love in front of my late wife. Does jealousy exist in heaven or is it all one big polyamorous love fest? My dear granny was watching so I settled for a hug.

After the emotional greetings, we sat together on the lawn in what seemed to be a municipal park: all freshly trimmed grass, colourful flowers in perfectly planned plots, and signs reminding us to pick up after our dogs. The sun warmed my skin but was tempered by a light breeze. Are we closer to the sun up here? I guess I no longer have to worry about sunburns if my body is only an illusion. I feel my body, I think it’s real. But I know that it’s dead and gone.

“So what have you all been up to?” I asked.

Someone snorted and I turned to my Uncle Hank, who said, “Not much.”

A few people laughed nervously and some looked at their feet.

“This is heaven. This is our reward for giving our lives to God.” I said.

“Yeah, and we’re trapped here. Forever sitting around, greeting the people we used to know as they die, going to work, and worshiping God. We don’t have much to say to each other anymore. We now know each other inside and out. No more surprises.”

“Huh.”

“Nothing new or interesting ever happens here. But I suppose it could be worse.”

My mother added, “Some of the people who’ve been here the longest are starting to rebel in small ways. They’re bored. They occasionally vandalize the Pearly Gates.”

“None of this really exists, of course.” Uncle Hank said. “There is no real sun up here. God provides all the light. There’s no night or moon either, so that’s sad. It’s just one long day.”

“You see that path over there?” my cousin Anita pointed out a walkway in the distance. “Don’t follow it. It goes to the throne of God but He’s surrounded by angels and creatures chanting things like ‘Holy, Holy, Holy’ non-stop. Sometimes I think they’re actually demons. Some have six wings and they're covered with eyes and look like monsters. The chanting and singing can give you quite the headache.”

“Wow.”

“For some reason, we were given the same jobs we had in life. I guess so we have someplace to go from time to time. Though, without sun and moon, it’s hard to know what time to be there.”

I was a sanitation worker in life. A garbage man. I was so happy when I retired. Now I have to pick up trash for eternity?

I realized I should have enjoyed life on earth more. What was the point of creating me just to corral me with millions of others in this place with no meaning, no purpose, no goals? Eternity is an unimaginably long time. I felt a tingling of fear, like the beginning of a panic attack.

Granny put her arm around me. “I know. We all felt this way once we realized the truth. I’m sorry, John.”

The road to heaven only goes one way. It’s too late to go back.