Bro Talk

BRO TALK

So, he tied himself to a pole? During a fucking - sorry - during a storm? I mean, it's just weird to me. Just caught my eye, know what I mean?

Yeah. Masthead. Whatever.

But, yeah, I've been doing okay. Just weird being back at Moms's, know what I mean? No, man, I mean, like, I love Moms and everything, for sure. S'just hard and all, you know, when you, say, are taking this girl out, and things are going well and stuff, and you wanna take her back to your place for some, I mean, whatever... But you can't because Moms is all up and, I don't know, making fucking paninis or whatever.

Yeah, I'm talking about bringing her back for a sexually-related type-deal. I just didn't know if that was, like, appropriate or whatever to say. Being in a doctor's office and all. Can you feel me on that one?

I wouldn't say I'm weird about it. I'm just saying that, you know, I don't understand what is and is not appropriate to say in this particular venue, so I'm just trying to look out for you is all.

Oh, you're welcome, man. But yeah, Moms is doing pretty well. She does that - what's it called? - spinning type-class on Wednesdays and it seems to be going pretty well. She has been happy about that. And, I don't know, man: I'd say we've been getting along pretty well. Though, yeah, I mean, she definitely still gets on my case about stuff like - well, you know, the laundry and shit like that, which is - yeah, the case as well. That too. That too. She's been super supportive though. It's all good, you know, considering.

Teddy's still around. Uh, huh.

Uh, huh.

Well, let's just say that me and Teddy have a bit of a past, and we can just leave it at that.

Well, you know, the dude's not, like, mean or anything or any shit like that.

No - God no - no, nothing like that at all. Exactly. Dude wasn't abusive at all. I mean, I've known the dude since I was twelve and, you know, he was alright. We didn't exactly, like, hit it off, but that's just how it goes sometimes, know what I mean?

I mean, you don't hit it off with everyone that you've ever met or known, right? Yeah, it's just, like, we've never clicked or anything. Teddy's nice. Teddy's fine. He's cool enough... he's just totally fine, but we just don't, you know, share any similar interests and stuff kind of along those lines.

And, forgive me - I really don't mean to keep harping on this - but the dude strapped himself to a pole during a storm? Sorry. Masthead. I just don't get why he'd do that. Who painted that?

Oh, he was a real dude? Really? Oh, so some guy named Turner painted that?

Oh, okay, I get it - it's a painting of Turner dude. But, wait - thing is, is I still don't get it, really.

Yeah, I know, sorry, I just - I don't know. I'm in a weird mood, I guess. Like, not depressed or anything at all even remotely like that. I'm just, I guess, tired, is all. I've been up since three so I'm just not all that with it right now. Mostly just fucking around with my phone and shit. And, well, truth be totally told, I did pour myself a couple drinks, but I was at the shop all day, so I'm not, like, indulging in any behavior that could be deemed, I don't know - nothing that's even worth writing down. I just had a long-ass day and I had some drinks afterwards and stuff.

Because of work, yeah. I mean, I've been pulling a lot of shifts lately, and it's been a good thing, I'd say; only that I do get a little tired and I do get a little stressed, so sometimes, yeah, I pour myself a drink.

Oh, I'd say Moms has been very, incredibly supportive. Totally.

Mmm, hmm. Teddy too, yeah. They've both been super cool - ever since the arraignment, really. After trial, too. And, you know, they see me pulling all of these fucking - sorry - all of these hours at work, and they see how hard I've been trying, and, you know, it's not like I'm just fucking - sorry - like I'm lounging around or any shi - goddammit, I'm sorry, I'm really, I don't know; I'm really, really tired, is all - but yeah, I'm not, like, lounging around or any shit - FUCK. Godda - yeah, I know you say it's cool but I'm just trying to, I don't know, watch - anyhow - whoo; okay - I'm not, like, lounging around the house or anything like that, so they see that and I think that they're, I don't know; they see that I am trying.

And I am trying. I really fucking am. I'm sorry, again, but I really - I really fucking am trying.

But yeah, I mean, I really don't know what my deal is with Teddy or anything like that. I just - yeah, I don't know - Teddy's... Teddy's...

Okay, so there was this one thing. Back when... Well, actually this was before the procedure.

Yeah, they hit it off before the procedure.

Moms and Teddy. Uh, huh.

Uh, huh.

No, yeah, no, no - okay. See, I thought you knew about this already. Okay. Okay.

No, I got you. I just - wow - I didn't really know that you didn't... okay. Yeah, no, he was the one who did it.

O-o-okay. Yeah, man. That just, I don't know. Yeah, he did the procedure that we - yeah, we talked about it a little earlier.

No, no, no, no, no. That's not even what I was gonna even talk about. Yeah, I was fixing to - yeah.

So what, if you don't mind me asking, made you even put that up there? S'that s'posed to, like - I mean, is it for a purpose; with a purpose in mind?

Oh, I was just gonna - alright, well, yeah, the weird thing happened when they first met. Like the first time he came to home, if you can catch my drift.

Oh, yeah, well - well, I guess they would have met at the consultation. I didn't even realize, looking back.

Yeah, definitely. I'll side with you on that one, doc. I just - holy shit - I never even really fucking thought about it at all.

That is weird. Totally fucking weird. Sorry, I don't mean to - yeah, but yeah. It's just - pshoo - never even fucking thought about it.

So, yeah - no - I was talking about the first time they came home. And I didn't even know they were, like, a thing, so that was an initial shock, for sure. And, like, yeah, so they come home and I'm in my room and I'm trying to go to sleep because it's fucking late, and I was up way-y fucking later than I was supposed to be.

Probably just fucking around on the computer and shit. I didn't even have a fucking phone like that - they weren't even out. But, yeah, not important.

So, yeah, Moms and Doc came home. And I remember, you know, not being sure at first if that was the same dude that we had seen. And truth be totally told, I didn't even really know what circumcision was.

But, yeah, they were all giggling and shit and I can't even fully remember what they were saying, but it doesn't matter, and I knew - I fucking knew - to try to put the pillows over my head, 'cause, well, yeah, I don't even have to fucking say it.

But lo and fucking be-fucking-hold, they start to make those saliva noises. Does that make any sense? Just the - I don't even know - sounds of saliva, and that always fucking fucked with my head. Already fucking bothered me.

But you know, I can hear glass shattering and Moms's, like:

"Oh, that's okay, honey."

See, now she did call me honey and shit, too, but honey was also a code word - not just a word she used to call me - that meant, well...

So, they're going back to the room, which would be fine, but you know. It was a two bedroom apartment. Our rooms were right smack next to each other's.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I hear them, you know, going at it, like they do, and I'm just laying on my bed, and I can hear every single thing, clear as day. They start making noises. Noises just like

Well, see - I used to own these two rabbits - you know, low maintenance pets - you don't really have to do anything with them, s'long as you clean out the cage and re-put in the litter and, yeah. But yeah, now these two bunnies - well, I had only one bunny at first, and that was cool. But I would always be gone at school and shit, so I was worried that, well, that Lady Snuffly Wuvvles would get fucking lonely and shit.

So that's why I got Alakadazzler. Fucking had to wring my mom's fucking arm about it; I remember. But yeah, she finally, after I hassled her like mad, just said, like, fuck it, and bought Alakadazzler, but, thing is, Alakadazzler and Lady Snuffly Wuvvles would just fuck all day fucking long. Just nonstop fucking.

So, you know, when I say Teddy and Moms were fucking like rabbits, I know what I'm talking about, feel me?

Now, keep in mind: I'm twelve years old 'round this time. I'm horny all day long. I get a boner just by looking at a watermelon - and don't read into that one, doc - s'just that I'm twelve and I see a watermelon and sometimes I get a boner.

I'm not sexually attracted to watermelons. Watermelons don't turn me on.

And I hear, you know, well, Moms and Teddy fucking like rabbits. I mean, really moaning and shit. And she starts screaming, "Oh, Daddy."

Which is kinda fucking weird, right? I mean, not "Daddy" as in Daddy - 'cause she never fucked Daddy again, I think, after making me - but, I think, referring to Teddy as her daddy, which would make "Daddy" Grandaddy, right?

And Teddy's just like - I remember this shit so fucking clearly, man:

"I'm gonna crush your cunt, cunt."

And keeps on fucking saying that.

"I'm gonna crush your cunt, cunt."

"I'm gonna crush your cunt, cunt."

"I'm gonna crush your cunt, cunt."

So, like, and this is really - I don't even know why I'm telling you this - but I, like, well, you know...

Yeah.

So now that I've got this little hard-on, and, I mean, what am I supposed to do? I've already started jacking it. I've been jacking it since I was eight years old, ever since I saw that hobo lady's cooch.

And I'm not even thinking about them. I'm just listening to the noises and pretending they're something else. You know what I'm thinking of? I'm thinking of little Becky from class with her itty-bitty lil' mosquito tits that she let me feel at the 6th grade. And I'm just pretending Moms's Becky and I'm jacking it.

Now, that when I hear Teddy start screaming his fucking face off, like:

"GURGLE IT, YOU FUCKING NIGGER BITCH."

Now: I'm obviously white. Moms's obviously white.

We're a white family.

And, truth, be told, I've never really even been into black chicks - just dunno, nothing personal - just I'm not. So I don't know why it is - maybe you can illuminate it for me, doc - but I don't know why it is that my hard on just gets fucking massive at this point.

And, like I said, I didn't know what circumcision was. I know that Moms was really up on that idea, 'bout getting it for me. And, yeah, I mean, I sure fucking found out what circumcision was the next time I went to Teddy's office for the procedure and shit

But, yeah, I mean, to be totally honest - I mean, really, really honest - I didn't know that, you know, the fucking head -

Yeah, the gland. S'what I mean.

Anyhow, I didn't even know the head - sorry, like, gland - was supposed to poke through. I mean, I just didn't know this. So I'm freaking out now that all the skin's retracted and I think I fucking broke my dick. I think I just tore it and peeled the skin - yeah, the foreskin, yeah - just off.

I thought I had a broken dick. And the air was so fucking cold on my dick; it was fucking weird. But, there I hear it.

"GURGLE IT, YOU FUCKING NIGGER BITCH."

"Y-yes, mast-uh! I'll gu-ggle, mast-uh!"

Then I can't make out a fucking word she's saying and I'm just, I don't know, fucking freaking. But I continue stroking.

And stroking.

And just fucking stroking my little heart out. I even did the thing where I spit on my finger and fucked with my prick. And look, I know you've got a hard-on for this oedipus and shit, but I don't wanna fuck Moms. Alright?

I don't want to fuck Moms.

Just that I'm hearing two people fucking like rabbits, so... yeah, I don't know. And I start to hear Moms choking. And I start to hear Moms crying. And Teddie's just screaming like a fucking faggot madman and Moms is crying and shrieking and I start to hear this crashing noise, and slapping noise, and I start hearing this little motor going off and Moms is fucking shrieking and shrieking:

"TOO MUCH. FUCKING STOP. FUCKING STOP. PRINGLES. PRINGLES. PRINGLES. OH, GOD, PRINGLES. FUCKING STOP. PLEASE."

I still don't really know why Moms was saying pringles, but I do know that I came a fucking jizz ocean at that moment. Just something about the saying of "pringles," and I don't know, it's fucking weird, right? But yeah, just a fucking jizz ocean, just all over everything, and everything.

So, I mean, I don't know, yeah. Just not on board with Teddie, too much.

I mean, it's weird, you know.

No, I wouldn't say this has anything - look, the Ashley thing was an isolated incident.

Yeah, it's like - I don't know, man - you said it yourself:

I was just fucking strapped into a bad sit..

A bad sit..