undecided

  We never did make it to school that morning. There were 8 of us, which was normal there were never more than 10 or 11 of us. Our bus driver seemed like just a guy. I mean yeah… he wasn’t your average Joe bus driver, but I’m sure we all weren’t expecting this. He’d always talk to a group of us. They’d always sit up front for the 10 minute ride and they’d talk like old friends.
            I had just moved from Danvers Massachusetts to Salem Massachusetts after the school year had started so I was never a part of these conversations. I always sat up front though; I’ve always been an observer. I always am analyzing what’s going on around me but this guy got past me, he got past all of us. I didn’t know these kids or cared to at this point… Little did I know they’d be all I’d have for the next 353 days.
            On the morning of October 2nd it was just like any other morning. Just like a programmed robot day after day I got up, got ready and got on my bus at 7:03. I hugged my mom goodbye not knowing I wouldn’t see her again for almost a year. My stop is the first stop. After me is a girl named Charlotte and her brother Ash. The last stop is everyone else; Ranker, Regina, Shayne and Laynee.
            We took or normal left turn on 4th. Everyone else was up front talking like normal and every morning we’d come up this hill and I could always see the sun rising at this time. It was my favorite part of the day. Then it happened… We normally would take a right on 5th to go to our school. We took a left today. At this point no one really noticed but me it seemed. We continued to wind up the roads until Ash finally asked where we were going. The bus driver looked up at us in the mirror and to move to the back of the bus. They thought he was kidding and that’s when I knew what was happening.
            We were on a back county road that I’d never been on before. He repeated himself sternly. I immediately obeyed as did everyone else. While everyone conversated about what the f**k his problem was I blurted out
“He’s kidnapping us.”
My voice lowered and began to tremble
“It’s over.”
Everyone turned and looked at me a few laughed; some looked at me like I was crazy. I continued to stare out the window hoping these weren’t the last few moments of my life. I thought of my mom, my future who was going to find our bodies and how they were going to find them… Valire called me a freak and applied her lip gloss on her perfectly shaped lips for the 40th time that morning and then turned around and made a kissy face at Ranker. None of us knew what was about to happened next.
            We continued up these gravel back roads and I was trying to take in every road sign that I saw, but there was barely any,
“We need to call the police” I said
Everyone stared at me and got quiet. Ash laughed and made a comment about how I’d forgotten my Xanax that morning Valire smirked and said I was probably on more than just Xanax. Then they went back to their conversation. I rummaged around in my bag for my phone. Of course it wasn’t there. I’ve always been so bad about leaving it home. I spun around quickly and said very sternly
“Give me one of your guy’s phones.”
As soon as this came out of my mouth the bus came to a screeching halt.
            We were pulled over on the side of a back road. The bus driver came over the loud speaker. These words still haunt my dreams.
“I’m sure you’ve figured out what’s about to happened here, you’re smart kids. Do what I say, when I say it and do it how I want it done. Don’t try anything slick if all that happens no one has to get hurt.”
            I noticed the emergency exit and slowly started moving my fingers towards the handle, trying not to be noticed. The loudspeaker crackled to life and his voice…The voice I’d come to fear the most, said ever so softly
“Do you really wanna do that? I can see you’re going to be a problem.”
After completing that last sentence he set a revolver down on the dash and winked at me from the mirror. I removed my hand from the handle and sat back down and began to cry. Everyone else was silent. I reached my hand around to tap Laynee to ask for her phone. She startled which immediately got us noticed. He unbuckled himself and started advancing towards us through the aisle. I remember not even looking up when he was standing there.
            He demanded for us to give him our phones. No one moved for a few seconds and the one by one they started handing him their phones. He looked at me and asked
“And you?”
I quickly responded avoiding eye contact with
“I don’t have mine with me.”
            A moment of silence passed and he bent down and got really close to my face. I could smell the years of built up vanilla cigar smoke in his leather jacket and the smell of menthol from his chew as he spoke. His face inches from mine he said in a low voice
“Now, you’re going to cooperate, otherwise I’ve got that pretty piece sittin’ up on that dash and a hot piece of metal just for you.”
I continued to sit there and stare at the seat in front of me
“I don’t have it.” I repeated
He chuckled and grabbed my arm and pulled me out from my seat. He ripped my bag from my shoulder and dumped it on the seat. The contents of my bag went in all directions. Realizing there was no phone in my bag I was ordered to hand over my coat and sweatshirt. I started to unzip my coat as he watched me. Trying to keep my hands steady I handed him the coat. I pulled my sweatshirt over my head exposing my stomach. I got it off and looked up. He was watching me intently. I threw my sweatshirt at him.
            Finding nothing in the pockets he threw them both back at me.
“Everyone’s bags up front with me.” The bus driver barked
He turned to walk back to the front of the bus. We all looked at each other but no one knew what to say.
            At this moment I thought all of our problems were solved. I remembered that buses had cameras on them, but as I got closer to put my bag up front I realized that the lens was taped over with red duct tape. My heart sank and so did my hopes of living through this. I figured it wouldn’t be long before the bus company noticed that the camera wasn’t showing anything from this particular bus number. Shows how much those losers pay attention.
            I set my bag on the front seat along with my coat. Valire snuck one of the many tubes of lip gloss she had in her bag before putting it down and looked at me with tears welling in her eyes. I diverted her eyes and pushed past her to go sit down. Everyone else followed. We all filed down the aisle with the same things on our minds. Are we going to live? What does he want? How could this happen?  The bus driver was behind us all and said,
“Now, no one sit down yet. I’m going to match everyone up with their partner, Men choose.”
We were all very confused by this. What do we need a partner for? What the hell…?
“I need my 3 men up here by me.” He said with a broad smile
Shayne was the first to go then the rest followed.
            He told all of us girls to sit in a seat by ourselves and for the guys to sit by their partner.
Ash whispered “What is our partner for?”
The bus driver response was “Well I guess you’ll have to find out.”
With a smile he urged them to choose. Regina was the first one to get picked. Ash sat down beside her and stared at the seat in front of him in horror. Shayne was the second to choose and to my surprise sat down next to me.  He turned to look at me and caught my eyes for just a second and quickly looked away. The only one left standing was Ranker; he studied all of the girls’ faces and then sat down by Laynee. Valire and Charlotte were left. We all thought that they’d just be partners…But no.
“Alright, now that you’ve made your selections, you must stay with your chosen partner, no switching. I hope you chose wisely.” The bus diver bellowed
“And for you 2 ladies…” he continued
He advanced towards them and spoke in a voice that sounded like those game hosts on T.V. He spoke to them like they’d just lost a chance of a life time…
“I’m sorry ladies, but you were not chosen for reasons that are unimportant. I have no use for you.”
            After completing this sentence he turned towards me and produced a knife from his pocket and threw it in my lap.
“Take care of them.” He ordered
I looked up bewildered
“Excuse me!?” I screamed
“I have no use for them get rid of them or you’ll take one of their places.”
I looked down at the knife in my lap and a million thoughts raced through my head. I can’t kill these girls, especially to save my own life. I can’t die either… I started panicking and my vision started spinning that’s when I felt Shayne nudge me. I snapped out of it and simply choked out
“I can’t.”
I looked down and began to cry. I then felt cool metal pressed against my temple, realizing it was the revolver from the dash. My heart dropped and my breathing ceased.
“Get rid of them or it’s you.” He said angrily
I began to rise and looked back at the faces of the girls whose lives I had to take. I caught Charlotte’s gaze and mouthed the words I’m so sorry. She looked away and began to tear. I was now in between Charlotte and Valire’s seats.
“Take them back to the woods; just left of this road I’ll come check. I better find 2 bodies Miss, You will show me where they are or you can join them.”
The bus driver threatened.
He ordered the girls to stand and he led up to the front. He let us off and said that I’d better be back in an hour or less. I nodded thinking how stupid he was for letting us off by ourselves. He closed the doors and I felt his eyes on us as we walked away.  I waited until we were far enough away from the bus and started with
“Okay, were going to go look for help I don’t know where to start, but were going to find someone and bring them here.”
Valire rolled her eyes
“No, if I get away I’m getting away. They’ll have to figure it out themselves.”
I looked at her in disbelief and looked her straight in the eyes and said
“You deserve to die.”
            We continued further into the woods. I stopped and said
“There’s no hope in finding help out here. I just want to let you guys know, this is the last thing I want to do.”
Charlotte nodded and whispered something like she understood. While Valire sat down and cried. I drew in a breath and asked who wanted to go first. Silence. Charlotte met my gaze and nodded. I started toward her and stopped to look in her eyes. I explained how sorry I was and walked behind her, reached around and then pressed the blade to her throat. I stopped for a minute because I could feel her pulse in the handle of the knife. I felt the life I was about to take away. A minute or so passed and Charlotte whispered ever so softly
“Wait... let me do it.”
I lowered the knife and stared at her. She smiled weakly and choked out
“I’ve wanted to die for a while, I just haven’t had the courage…or the means I guess.”
Before I could respond the knife was ripped from my hand and she bent over and slit both of the tendons on the back of her heels. She immediately collapsed and slit both of her wrists, and then again down both of her fore arms. I let out a yelp and my hands flew to my mouth. She struggled with the last few cuts. All I saw was red; it was like I couldn’t see anything else at all. All I could do was watch the life leave her body.
            After she was done struggling she looked at me and with her last few breaths spoke the words
“It’ll only be minutes now…Thank you Taylor”
She then turned her head up to the sky and closed her eyes and rested her now mangled arms across her chest. The sight was so tragically beautiful and also at that point the most hideous scene I had ever witnessed.
            Valire came up behind me and blurted
“That was fucked up”
I turned towards her and called her an insensitive b***h and walked towards Charlotte. I pressed my index and middle finger to her neck, her pulse was fading away along with her precious life. Finally, there was no pulse. All I could do was sit there. It felt like hours had passed.
            I came back out of my head and rose. Valire was on a nearby rock picking the hot pink of her perfectly manicured fingernails. It took her a minute for her to realize I was staring at her. She looked up at me and shrugged her shoulders
“Is it my turn now?” she chuckled
It’s not a turn…” I whispered
“You don’t take life seriously do you?!” I screamed
She smirked at this.
“Kinda a fucked up time to be asking that isn’t it?” she said with a smile
She cocked her head sideways and advanced towards me still smiling she continued
“You’re not going to kill me Taylor. You’ll die before that happens.”
We stared at each other for a second and we both bolted for Charlotte’s body who still had the knife in hand. We both dove for the weapon and both managed to grab a hold of it. I had ahold of the handle, using this to my advantage I pulled back as hard as I could causing Valire to slice her palm. She immediately let go and looked at her hand. She tackled me and we tumbled around for a few minutes until I finally kicked her in the chest. She flew backwards. I quickly retrieved the knife that had been thrown a few feet away, when doing this I realized I was covered in Charlotte’s blood. I looked up at Valire who was still hunched over catching her breath and so was she.
            It felt wrong to be covered in the blood of a suicide victim because we were fighting on her body for the weapon she used to take her own life that was given to us by the man who’d just kidnapped us. The whole situation was just bizarre. I slowly walked over to Valire and stared at her. Standing in front of me trying to catch her breath, I looked her in the eye and as soon as she inhaled I jabbed the blade into her stomach and quickly retreated it. She hunched over in pain and started whimpering and making gargling noises. She collapsed to the ground. I strattled her and slit her throat. I watched the last of her life leave her eyes. Her blood spattered in all directions. I could feel it dripping off my face and all over my hands.
            I got up and backed away from her. I dropped the knife and stared at what I had just done in horror. I sat down in the leaves and wiped as much of their blood off my face that I could. I began to cry. I looked at the knife next me and thought about taking my own life. Then I realized that if I went back there’s a small chance I might live through this. I wiped my tears and got up and began to start towards the opening we had come through. I looked back one more time. Again, all I saw was red. My whole mind went blank.
            I must’ve stood there for a while because after coming out of the haze I couldn’t feel my legs. I immediately remembered my time limit and spent no more time staring in horror. I began to sprint up the hill we had just come down, following the flattened grass from our footsteps earlier. It felt so wrong to be the only one coming back through, but I knew that if I wasn’t back in an hour’s time from the minute I stepped off the bus to the minute I stepped back on that I’d face the same fate as Charlotte and Valire
            I finally made it to the road and saw the bus still parked there. Part of me wanted to bolt the other direction; the other part of me knew I was now covered in 2 people’s blood. I couldn’t go anywhere. Either way death is a prevalent possibility. I just had a .01% better chance of living if I went back. He knew… he knew I wouldn’t run because of what I’d just done. He’s smart… I need to play this carefully.
            I caught my breath and started towards the bus. I saw the tail lights come on and the bus started when I was maybe 100 feet away. He’s been waiting. I approached the doors and stood for a second. I closed my eyes and looked up. He was standing on top of the stairs leading to the bus. He pulled the lever and the doors creaked open. I stepped up the stairs and turned to look at my peers. They stared at my blood streaked face and bloodstained clothes. There were a few moments of silence before I felt the bus driver’s strong grip on my left shoulder.
“Well done. You’re smart for returning maybe you’re not going to be such a problem after all.”
He said this in the friendliest voice. For a split second I felt like I was being praised for some fantastic deed I had done. Then I realized what that “deed” was and felt awful.
            He ordered me to sit back with Shayne. I couldn’t look at anyone in the eye especially Ash. I mean he thinks I slaughtered his sister, by the looks of me I’d think that too. He doesn’t know she took her own life and was so calm about it. I didn’t know to lie and tell him that I’d taken her life or to tell him she’d gladly taken her own.
            I sat next to Shayne and stared down at my feet. I couldn’t bear to see the disgust in his eyes. That’s when I felt him slip his hand into mine and in the softest whisper I heard
“It’s okay Taylor. Any of us would’ve done it. We don’t blame you.”
I look at his hand in my blood covered hand and then back at him. His face looked concerned but I couldn’t find a trace of fear. Before I could respond the bus driver was 3 seats ahead beginning to speak
“Miss.Taylor…Youre late.”
My heart dropped. I could feel the fear in my throat and the tears welling up in my eyes. I felt Shayne tense as he squeezed my hand, which caused me to glance over at him. He was staring at the bus driver with a furrowed brow and pursed lips as if he was keeping something behind them. What was this guy’s deal? I mean Shayne doesn’t even know me at all. He’s never paid attention to me ever and now he chose me to be his partner, holding my hand trying to comfort me and now upset that I might die? I quickly looked back at the bus driver who was very aware of my fear at this point. I held back tears and attempted to swallow.
“But it was only 4 minutes, I’ll let it go.” He said with the most wicked smile I’d ever seen
I exhaled after realizing I hadn’t been breathing and let some tears fall. I looked down and started to catch my breath.
            The bus driver turned his back down the aisle speaking as he walked
“You all will refer to me as Jace.”
I didn’t know if that was his real name or just another part of his sick fantasy. Shayne placed his curled index finger under my chin and picked my head up gently so I was inches from him. My heart stopped for a second, I’d never seen eyes such a beautiful green before. I got lost in his Peridot irises that seemed as deep as forever. Peridot… My mother’s birthstone. His pupils were just pinpoints that were going in all directions studying my face.
“Taylor, you need to be strong, you’re the strongest out of all of us here. Don’t show him you’re scared, you won’t survive.”
He let go of my face and continued to look at me for a few seconds. All I could think was “what the hell?” I mean I like the attention he’s giving me but why..? Who am I to him? Again he has no idea who I am at all... And he’s acting like were long lost soul mates or something. I just responded with a nod and looked down. I noticed he was still holding my hand and continued to let it happened
“Please” he whispered
I looked over at him and saw the longing in his face
“I promise” I replied
Looking straight into his endless seas of peridot. He looked away and nodded affirmatively to the ground.       
            The bus roared to life and we began to move. Laynee turned towards me and opened her mouth to say something but hesitated and turned back and faced the seat in front of her. We winded up roads for what seemed like hours maybe it was, time was something I wasn’t paying attention to. No one said a word. You could hear Regina occasionally sobbing and every now and then Ash would mumble something under his breath about how this was bullshit. I could feel Shayne’s thumb stroking my hand, for some reason this brought me some comfort.
            The bus came to another stop. I looked around and it was just another back road. No road signs, no land marks, no other cars. Jace unbuckled himself and came back to us. He stood before us for a few minutes before announcing we needed to put on the blindfolds he had just produced from the pocket of his jacket. No one dared to disobey him, we all knew now this wasn’t a game. 2 girls were already dead. We all were handed strips of thick black fabric. I stared at mine for a minute and then began to put it up to my eyes. I started to tie but before I could finish I felt Shayne’s hands over mine taking the ends from me. I lowered my hands and felt him pull the knot. He rested his hand on my shoulder and whispered
“Is that too tight?”
I turned my head his direction and replied with
“No it’s fine thank you.”
We both turned forward and he put on his blindfold.
“You guys make me wanna throw up.” Ash said in disgust
Shayne ignored him and I didn’t say anything either.
            I heard Jace’s footsteps go back up front and I exhaled again realizing I wasn’t breathing again. Over the loudspeaker came that dreadful voice.
“I trust you all will leave those on if not…”
A loud metallic pop came out of nowhere and we all realized it was the revolver. He’d shot it through the roof of the bus. I jumped and slid my arm through Shayne’s and buried my face in him without even realizing it, and without even realizing I was holding on for dear life. I lessened my grip and apologized. He looked at me and reassured me it was okay. Even though I Had lessened my grip…I hadn’t let go. I wouldn’t let go for the next several hours I would also manage to fall asleep.
            I woke up to him saying my name and shaking me gently. I also woke up in a panic because I couldn’t see a thing. Forgetting I was wearing a blindfold my hands flew to my face, relieved to find the fabric the whole situation started coming back. The kidnapping, the murder, Charlotte’s suicide, myself almost dying, Shayne’s strange infatuation, my strange infatuation with Shayne it all hit me at once. I began to remove my blindfold and drew in a breath. The first thing I saw was the night. It was night time. We’ve been gone since 7 this morning and now it’s dark. Then I saw Shayne and he was staring at me intently like he was trying to figure something out, I ignored it and looked at everyone else. Everyone else was asleep. I looked back at Shayne confused.
“I caught a glimpse of his wrist watch when he came back here a few minutes ago, we’ve been driving for almost 14 hours when I looked at the wrist watch it said it was 12:37” Shayne said
I started thinking to myself how has no one found us yet? How is it past midnight? Why is this happening…?
“How long have we all been asleep?” I asked
“Awhile, I haven’t really slept. I can’t. I mean I tried but…I just couldn’t bring myself to. My guard is up too high right now, for the both of us.”
And with that last part he looked in my eyes and held me there for a second. I looked away and buried myself in his chest. He smelled of cigarettes and expensive cologne. The bus came to a stop. I rose and looked around but couldn’t see anything. I reached around the seat to wake up Ash and then across the seat to wake up Regina. The loud speaker came on and that horrid voice said
“Ladies and Gentleman, Welcome.”