The finished first part of a satire story/poem about the Fair Maiden and Unicorn tale |
- Who knows how this will read to other people with the unusual syntax and this being sort of a poem right now you can tell the story peters off towards the end But I'm not sure if this story really works or even makes you want to read I'm looking for real criticisms and suggestions The Horse and the Unicorn Chapter One An adventurous young Maiden from the Far North. Was Cris-crossing the oceans and exploring the coast. Visiting in all the different villages, cities, and towns And listening to the residents and the stories she found And chief among the narratives she was always told Was said the Magic tale of Fair Maiden's Unicorn She understood completely that the story would vary When translated from one language or dialect to some other Making the Magic different in the different kingdoms But in every single one of the resident's tales That was spoke in any known language Fair Maidens always found Magic. It may have been long could have been a very long time Or it might only seem like that With the lovely Fair Maiden moving about the kingdoms Meeting and mingling as animal generally do. Mixing together as the cows, goats; the way all animals tend to The North Fair Maiden meeting and greeting together Her and the other enchanted Fair Maidens And sometimes There were sometimes Far off in some distant far flung land Sometimes when the Maiden would go out riding The Far North Maiden with the local Maidens Riding along side the native animals they found Finding Magic in the hope and believing, Flush with the faith all Maidens have The Magic of riding with your chosen Smoothing out all your differences The Magic blending you together You and yours having your moment with each other That's when the Unicorn Magic happens The Unicorn's Magic That comes from the Horn The magic that changes your goat or bull, Pretty much any land animal you have chosen Into a Fair Maiden's Unicorn And nowhere in her Maiden's thoughts Was there any uncertainty that her Unicorn existed Although he might be far away... Perhaps even in some other land... She just held tightly To the Magic of the Horn But she did have one small question As to the kind of animal That the Unicorn Magic Changed into her Unicorn Because in all the different tribes, In the neighborhoods, and villages With the other local enchanted Maidens She had ridden alongside Some very, very unusual native animals But Unicorn Magic had never changed Anything into her Unicorn And for goodness sake, She had even ridden an ostrich! Chapter Two If or not by chance, Or perhaps some other way Maybe it's not even known But as she was getting ready For her travels down the coast, Her chance was That she came across a Horse. And the Horse's presence Totally took her by surprise! She couldn't help it, Her north eyes just stared ....Until she was able to shyly turn her head She never been told so she couldn't know The likelihood of a Horse Such an animal with this kind of look With his long mane, his hair and chest Even the shape of his legs He had the very mark of an Unicorn All the way down to his hoofs! and it didn't worry her at all when with her eyes she saw What seemed to be relative minor differences Between the Horse and the Unicorn Things the Unicorn's Magic probably took care of Because it was obvious The Horse was not the same as the Unicorn Plainly the Horse had no horn The horse's heart was stolen quickly by North Maiden's coy stare Her fair smile, her bright voice With the tune of a far away land In the horse's imagination There never was such an enchanted Maiden The horse stepping forward without hesitation And persuading the Fair Maiden's hand Asking her to come and walk with him Along neighborhood paths And to see the landmarks even ones he saw as a colt holding his hand in the meadows walking on the kingdom streets in this peculiar land he grew up in and to walk with him along a river and perhaps go with him to a waterfall and there was something swirling that was caught in their moment their gaze creating a distinct moment in their slice of time The overflowing air pounding flush with potential between them Flush with all the hope and chance of a moment Chapter Three And day after day and even other days they spent together, The time one after the other they spent the evenings side by side Walking along the many neighborhood trails and landmarks holding they sat on the lilac bench next to the scent of honeysuckles Holding hands, bodies touching, with her fingers twirled in his mane Smiling together they watched the merchants, the cobblers, tailors, and jugglers Laughing and dancing among the landmarks of his picture kingdom they were always dancing together and sometimes with their neighbors And often for lunch They went up the mountains To eat the high-land plants they would walk in the mountains on the switchbacks she so loved finding patches of healthy high-land plants on the ridges crowding here and there the their interesting textures and of delicacy and they would eat together enriching their lives the memories of his the loving thoughts of his beloved and from time to times they would walk along his trail spending the day with the daisies in the butter cup field and maybe some night in the shelter of his drafty trees. in the valley plain was born and raised in his horse neighborhood and he knew the feeling of his life the days and years felt the impulse of youth without knowing any future he leaned on and bent some sapling trees starting someday shelter and the local would bring him foods that had cooked and baked for him they would gather on the trail commenting about the of view of field and butter cup meadow and the view enjoy the view and what was going on life had also given him a something to do the trail through the field with the plump stemmed daises building a trail to the waterfall so the neighborhood wouldn't have to climb down the riven and over all the boulders and though it was mentioned the trail was beautiful and interesting if he would get the fished trail all the way to the waterfall and in over the coarse of his live and building the path he had walked with and been mistaken by maidens for all sorts of lands animals like a bull or a goat, my lord, once he had been mistaken for a flying Pegasus! but even aware that his identity had been mistaken before he didn't dwell on this fact but only thought of his Fair Maiden dancing in the soft earth of the meadow, dancing with his neighbors the tradesmen,the juggles and actors how the horse loved dancing with his fair maiden Chapter Four on the ridge tops trails with her unicorn and the things they would do hiking to the rocky tops just walking and hiking with the others who also liked to hike in the the high land ridges she thought of him all the time of when how they had gone up to the plateau lakes and found the mountain current the they enjoyed the red fruit of the rare berry they wondered on the plains of the plateau tasting the flavorful thin stemmed leafy wood with is honeycombed leaves and there was nothing in her memory as nice as when she was in the patches of the red mountain berry in all her many oceans and travels down their coasts it even appeared to her at times when they coming down some rocky slope the hooves of the one she had chosen seem to leave the ground sometimes she recalled stories where the Unicorn fly did it was told all Unicorns had a horn but some stories they even flew sometimes with the one you have chosen you will even fly together how cool would that be flying from ridge cap to ridge cap briefly she wondered if it would be the same magic that would give him a horn would sprout wings on his side, but if you thought about it the magic was in horn could give him wings but without the horn there would be no magic where would the magic of the Unicorns Horn come from to start growing the unicorn horn. She kind of keep the thought there , but didn't think about it much she had only walked with him and unicorn magic happened with your choice in the moment you feel it dancing in the in the patches of health vegetation and dancing with him on the patch of grass alone the lodge stones what could be better the a dance with your Unicorn along the path of the lodge stones Chapter Five and to the horse's great surprise one day the maiden ask if she could ride him the horse had often dreamed of the weight of the maiden on his back he beckoned to the north fair lady and lifted her up it had been sometime since his back had felt the weight it was a joy to feel his maiden on his back and she wasn't heavy Together on her ledge-stone the horse and his fairest would bathe in the view of mountain back trails lining the ridges and colors of the frequent patches of edible plants …………. she liked the highlands up in the mountains where she had a comfortable opening in the ledge-rocks and sometimes the maiden and the horse would stayed there their bodies touching as they slept her fingers tangled in his mane. Dance on the patch of grass in front of her ledge stones she would show him I the dance of her lands but it was hard for him to keep up but she went easy on him and they had so much fun even though they both knew his dancing was pitiful though the horse might have thought more of them staying down at his drafty trees but the soft ground muddied her feet and all the digging and packing of dirt along the waterfall trail made the dusted streaks on her cheeks . She needed the dryer air of the highlands and the drafts in the bent trees made her cold his most loving thoughts were of his beloved when she was showing him high-land plants and they would eat them together enriching his life more than anything he ever thought could ever do. But st times sometimes in the spicy stems of plants he saw a faint memory of the days he lay on his side by the trail he was building to the waterfall, winding in a meadow of butter-cups and the stem of the daisy in his mouth. what is better then the sweet memory of the butter-cup. Chapter Six And at times the high-land trail’s sharp rocks hurt his feet but he know what she had told him. The nourishing stems of healthy plants would strengthened his hind legs and broken rocks will toughen up his hooves. the maiden didn't seem to realize or sense the butter cup her concern was her unicorn didn’t have a horn. the horn is where the magic was and the horse had no horn could it be her horse could never be her unicorn she wasn't totally sure whether the horn would grow through her horse’s mane or just suddenly appear and she had no idea if the unicorn's magic bolted from the sky or weather it seeped up slowly from the underground, but the maiden for certain knew that unicorn magic happened and transformed the one you rode into your unicorn and sometimes as they rode she would search in his mane looking in his hair for a budding horn but not finding one her impatience wore some and when they were in the valley and passed by the creek she hurried him a drink and said the trail to his bent trees was too far on the other side of the water . she didn’t understand the waterfall trail anyway. you could get to the waterfall by going down the ravine and climbing over the boulders if you wanted to see the falls. and when a south-wind blew as the south wind sometimes does she lead him up to the top of the ridge trail. And there she broke it him that he wasn’t her unicorn she pointed to the a fork in the trail made of unicorn rocks that lead to the land of the unicorns or a moment was their faces next to each other, he horse and his maiden locked in each others stare their eyes fastened held together by a moment in time and in the air between their eyes flowing with their chance the horse couldn’t understand why to the fair maiden a horse that loved her was not as valuable as unknown unicorn and the maiden was completely dumb founded why her horse didn't comprehend the unicorn's story she couldn't believe at all that he didn't understand the tale the moment of their hesitation, their heart breaking his felt his maiden’s longing for her desire for unicorn's story, But he never could be a unicorn He was only a horse he had no horn but for a moment been mistaken by a fair maiden as her unicorn in the distant past by chance or not and just in case of a maiden's chance in his youth the horse had bent over some sapling trees, down by the butter-cup meadow on the far side of the river, and in the years the branches had twisted a nice roof and side, and although somewhat drafty it was his shelter was still warm. and by his shelter And in the nearby meadow he was building a path to a waterfall. he missed the her weight on his back as he dug with his hoofs and packed trail earth. His heart leapt at any chance to think of her smile and her laughter, replaying in his ears the telling of her sayings from her lands and always in his thoughts she was riding somewhere in the magic land on her magic unicorn. time forced acceptance on the horse and he knew that only in his memory would the fair lady from the north with the south-wind in her thick flowing hair And from time to time the horse would know the south wind blowing and he would take the high-land trail; to toughen up his hoofs and to satisfy his longing for the plant stems of the high-land s He would follow the memory’s path his and his fairest took that day hiking to the fork of unicorn trail Where the south wind had blown tears in his mane as she ran out of reach down of the broken rocks of unicorns where his hoofs couldn’t cross. And he would look out over the fading lines of switchback and down to the rock trail she had ran to where her unicorn surly was The past tides of their presence swept over the horse as he remembered his fair maiden how together t hey spent the night not far from here in the opening of the ledge-rocks, where he had dreamed of forever. He was certain of the delightful path they would have trodden. What a story of the maiden from the Fair North and her horse riding together. But it would never be. As the maiden had pointed out, he was a horse and not a unicorn, he did not have unicorn magic to grow a horn In the broken rocks of the unicorn trail held his disappointment but his hopes did not weaken he was unshaken in his hopes that somewhere in the maiden’s search she was finding happiness. he held inside he harbored a little skepticism about the Unicorn Trail. In the few of those that had managed to return from the Trail they all had the story of a land overflowing with wolfs and ostriches how in his heart he wished he knew the magic of the unicorn! he hung his head against the tree the south wind blowing his mane of tears when he felt the against the bark growing horn in his hair the magic of the of the unicorn seeping from the ground the unicorn stones light beneath his feet He didn't know if the unicorn magic had brought him a second chances or another chance at the first but he didn't and stood between the twine oaks and told her to stay she couldn't go she look at the unicorn rocks glowing and where distant unicorns with their maiden and the unicorns danced all night looking at the bit stirred horse in the unicorn light he was just a horse with no horn but he was her hours and he loved her she broke her hesitate and came to him and flying her arms around her horse telling him he was her hours and that she love home too her hands running through his hard like she used to do and then she felt the small lump of his new horn something was clear that something he already knew she wasn't heavy the weight of her on his back was sweeter then the butter-cup writing scraps ************************************************************************************* as she prepared for a distant land ********************************* wither he let her g particular o because of the looking her eyes or if he let her go by mistaking the look in her eyes he loved to dig out the vegetation with his feet and pack the cool soil with his hooves slowly making a bit of trail it was dusty work with the digging, the dirt, and packing it down, but he tried to do a good job and the locals liked the trail and always complimented him sometimes the horse liked to lay on his side in the middle of the grass of the meadow and view at a distance the waterfall trail a nd eat the soft stemmed daisy’s and enjoy the sweet butter-cup that abounded in grassland and sometimes there was the question, that the speed he was going, when would he get the tail finished all the way to the waterfall only to fly your unicorn from the ridge cap to another she made up her mine to ask the horse for a ride In all the stories the unicorn horn the same story with some difference from one kingdom or another She saw so many reasons it was wrong and no purpose to build a winding trail through the meadow just to have a nicer walk to a waterfall. common in all the stories was the unicorn horn she knew the story of the magical unicorn as she learned to talk, He knew anyone could go down the ravine bank and across the rocks if you wanted to see the waterfall but the horse thought the other residences would like a path along the soft earth of the meadow |