Fear

Thirty minutes after I started driving there was a sudden downpour. It was mad, raging mad with harsh wind that blows so hard it sounded like a screech. It sounded so screechy that I almost wanted to shout with it. I needed to shout with it, I almost did.

I kept driving, driving and driving. fifteen minutes in I saw a sharp light crack the sky ahead and it scared me, almost prevented me to continue driving. I was afraid of lighting even more so with thunder and seconds after the flash in the light the loud thud from the sky came. I started to shudder, scared as I was I had to continue driving, I just had to.

When it was raining, I used to close my eyes and cuddle beside him but that's impossible right now. It was probably impossible forever. I remember his hand on my head and the other on my back, shushing me and calming me. I was afraid of lighting and every time I heard thunder I always jumped, scared.

My eyes started to water like how it's raining outside. Now I'm scared of the lighting and thunder for a completely different reason. It was making me remember.

Every breath started to feel heavy and every blink made it closer to crying. "Get a grip!" I shout to myself. I was nowhere near calm nor okay. A flash passed by my eyes and I was so scared I almost shut my eyelids and cower in fear, looking for that hand to hold but it wasn't there. The loud thud came and I shivered. I gripped the steering wheel so hard my fingers were losing color.

I'm scared, I'm lonely but I'm on my way to him, just not the same him anymore.

I slowly saw the hospital coming into shape, I shifted gears to slow down and parked my car.

one deep breath. one minute to calm myself and I was out of the car.

I walked straight, I knew where I needed to go. I clicked down for the elevator and when it opened I clicked B. Basement.

I was on my way to a cold and lifeless room and in that room I might find him. I'm scared, I'm shivering.

I'm looking for his hand again but I know it wont be there but it might be where I'm heading.

the elevator chimed, telling me to get out and I did but I didn't walk towards there. I stood, in front of the room and looked straight at the word written on top of it

Morgue.

I breathed in and exhaled out. I took small steady steps. Every step got smaller and smaller.

after what seemed like eternity, I was in front of the door. close enough to open it.

I told myself, I can run away. bolt for the elevator back up, get inside my car and hide under my bed. I could run away but I didn't. I can't run away from him.

I touched the door knob and it was so cold. I pushed it open and sound screeched like the wind earlier.

I stepped inside and a woman was inside. She saw me and immediately knew what I was there for.

she held my hand and I felt a sweep of relief. Finally I'm holding a hand, just not his.

we stopped in front of a stretcher with a body covered in a sheet. The woman broke free from my hand to take the sheet off and I stopped her. I held her hand again, tighter and she just looked at me with sympathy.

she might have smiled at me but I wouldn't know cause she was wearing a mask but she held my hand with both hands and comforted me. She let go and proceeded to take the sheet.

I saw a glimpse of brown hair and I felt fear crawl through my every being.

the sheet went lower and lower and the white skin underneath was revealed.

There he was, quiet and seemed like he was just sleeping. Calm. That's what I can say about him. I wasn't.

I stagger towards him and my hand found his. I haven't cried so much as I did ever in my life.

After what seemed like forever, I let go of his hand and walked away.

I pressed the elevator to go up, headed to my car and drove away. Lightning and thunder doesn't scare me anymore. They didn't matter. I have a bigger fear and I wasn't going to live with that.

I drove fast, faster than the speed limit and as I saw a curve ahead. I closed my eyes and let go of the steering wheel.

Lightning and thunder wasn't much than this fear. I won't allow it.

I won't be alone. I can't be alone. I'm afraid of being alone.

So to avoid that fear, I'll follow him.