Crazy Acceptance

"Now Tonya, please explain to me why you think that you are crazy enough to be my patient." Dr. Brianna Simpson ordered me. I looked at her like she had lost her mind. Who ever heard of a psychiatrist interviewing potential patients? It made no sense. "This might seem unusual to you but I only take the craziest of the crazy patients. I do have books to sell you know, and ordinary crazy just doesn't sell books."

"Well I did bury my sister alive and then take over her life. Like somehow nobody noticed that one sister completely disappeared. Even my husband didn't notice that I make love differently, though to be fair, I think he likes it better now." Dr. Simpson looked utterly bored with my story, which was surprising because everyone else was fascinated by it. "That has to be enough to get me in as one of you patients! I mean please, I know that I need help. But I can't deal with those other therapists, they just don't get me."

"Burying relatives alive is so 2014, though. There is no way that I can write a book about it and be featured on Oprah and in People Magazine. I just don't think that you are a good fit for my patient roster. Maybe next meltdown." There was no way I was going to let this bitch dismiss me like I was a run of the mill crazy person. It's not everyone who does what I did, and to make it look so good and easy. "Listen I know that you think that you're exciting crazy, and maybe a few years back that was true. Once upon a time, a burying your sister alive book would have been the #1 seller of the year. But in this day and age I have to compete with a kinky billionaire who likes to spank his non-romantic sex partner. So I'm afraid you've wasted my time with your boring shenanigans."

"Dr. Simpson, you didn't let me finish. So yea I buried my sister alive and took over her life but the story doesn't end there. There's another part of it, that well, no one else knows about. Well no one but my husband and I. It's really the reason that I'm here."

"Fine, I suppose I can hear the rest of the story but I doubt that it will change my mind." She muttered something under her breath that I couldn't make out. I made a mental note to get my revenge on her later, if she didn't take me on as a patient. Of course there was no way that she would pass on me. Even though she seemed more concerned about having another bestselling book than the mental well-being of a client that was just typical behavior for a top shrink. "Just make it fast so that I can deny you and move on with my life. I have a reality star who became famous for making a sex tape and then married two gay men, waiting in the lobby. Her story is far more interesting than yours."

"I highly doubt that. So you know the first part but what you don't know is that my husband, well Shelia's husband, followed me to the desert. Shelia had brought a gun to get me to go back to the hospital." Dr. Simpson barely contained a yawn. She was rewarded with a nasty look from yours truly. "So after a struggle, Shelia told the story to Travis. He didn't believe her of course, and she went to attack me. He shot the gun and thought that he killed her. After I got him to the car, I discovered that she wasn't really dead but I buried her alive again. However I never revealed this to Travis and let him think that he killed her. Of course he thinks that he killed me and that I am Shelia. When he asked for a divorce, I simply blackmailed him into staying with me and renewing our vows."

"Well now this is something that I can work with. I mean murder, attempted murder, and blackmail. If your husband is gay then I really have a hot book on my hand. I mean, I can help you out tremendously." There were dollar signs in the Doctor's eyes. I almost felt bad telling her that Travis wasn't gay but it did give me some satisfaction that she wasn't getting everything she wanted either.
"Or if he likes to spank you. People love a good sex tale with all of those elements."

"Well Travis isn't gay. But he does have a wild streak in bed that matches mine perfectly. We are two of a kind, well we would be if he knew that I wasn't my sister."

"You have so many emotional problems that I might actually be able to milk two books out of you. I mean this is all solid gold, but there is one thing that you need to do if you are going to be my patient."

"What's that Doc?"

"You have to tell your husband who you really are. Not only will it be great emotionally for you, but that will be the climax in book one. The aftermath will fill up book number 2. I am so excited to have you sign on the dotted line with me!"

"You don't understand Doc, if I tell him then he'll divorce me and I will have done all of this for nothing. I cannot lose Travis now."

"It's not like you've never blackmailed him to stay married to you before. Use your brain Tonya, I mean really."

"Ok, Doc. I'll tell him after you've accepted me as your patient." She grabbed a stamp and firmly placed it on my file. She showed it to me with a smile, in bold red letters it read 'Accepted'.

"Together we will go on an emotionally healing and profitable journey together, Tonya."