Black Bile

I woke up with the taste of cigarettes still lingering in my mouth. I rubbed my watery eyes and ran my tongue along the plaque that had collected on my teeth, yawning. A quick glance at the analog clock sitting on the night stand told me it was 11:48 a.m., and that I had slept in entirely too long. I tried to reassemble the events of the alcohol fueled night. I drank seven? Eight? I turned over onto my side to hold the women I loved.

She wasn't there. I sighed. All that remained in her place was the rough outline of where she had slept, and the sheets messily pushed back when she got out of the bed. I grabbed my phone and dumbly typed a message asking where she had gone, placing it on my chest and rubbing out the last bit of sleep from my eyes. It vibrated a minute later.

Sorry, I left for a meeting. Didn't want to wake you up.

It's okay. Don't be afraid to say bye next time, though.

I put the phone back on the night stand, and sat up. "Why can't she ever say bye?" I asked myself, walking down the hall to the bathroom. I grabbed my toothbrush and wet the bristles with a gentle stream of water from the faucet. I crushed the toothpaste tube in my hands, trying to extract as much as possible--a large amount of gel glopped onto the brush. I sighed.

It was a Saturday. All I had to look forward to was having nothing to do. The small apartment in which I lived was neither rundown nor respectable, but somewhere in between. A thin layer of dust had collected on everything that wasn't used daily. I had no motivation to clean them.

I put on a t-shirt and athletic shorts, and then made my way to the living room and laid down on the couch I had gotten from a friend in college. It was fairly worn and large enough for three people; the floral pattern stitched onto the surface was obscured by a brown cover. I turned on the television and flipped endlessly through channels that had programming I would never watch. I sighed.

I flipped to the HDMI input, and grabbed my laptop computer from the table in the kitchen. I clicked on the icon for my favorite time waster; a video game set in a dilapidated medieval world with precise, challenging combat and a vague story with history that required some detective work to comprehend. It had stolen many hours of my life, ruining some of my grades during college. But I was helpless against the only escape from reality that I found enjoyable under any circumstance.

I plugged the HDMI cable into my computer, and the controller as well and eagerly skipped through the loading screen and started the game. I found myself in the starting area; a crumbling, mossy castle full of undead and mindless enemies. I had been fighting other players online the last time I had played, nearly two weeks ago. After some time I was met an in-game message on screening saying that I had been invaded by a player named "XTheXLegendX." He wore a mask that resembled a bearded old man as well as massive armor and carried a zweihander--a historical sword used by the German Landsknechte during the Renaissance. He disposed of me rather quickly, and not long after my defeat I received a message from the player that read: "REKT." I sighed.

I played for a few more hours and unwittingly missed a call from Grace, my girlfriend. She didn't leave a message, so I called her back. She didn't answer. "Oh well," I said. There was a rustling, and a distinct scratching noise from the kitchen. Then a few deep barks; Heidi strutted around the corner, wagging her tail. She climbed onto the couch with me and gently ran my fingers through her fur. Heidi was probably six years old by this time. I had gotten her while I still lived at home, and brought her with me when I moved into my apartment. She was a Newfie, a Landseer, with brown eyes that impressed a sense of love on every one that they fell upon.

She barked a few more times at me. "You need to go out?" I asked her, scratching behind her big, floppy ear. I got up and grabbed a long teal leash with pink flowers on it. Her collar matched the leash. Hooking the leash to her collar, I led her through the hall to the elevator. I clicked the button with an arrow pointing down. She licked my hand while we waited. And waited longer. After nearly two minutes, the doors finally opened. I sighed.

We entered the elevator, and Heidi sat on her haunches next to me. She dumbly wagged her tail against the floor, producing a loud thump with each whip of her tail. I rubbed the top of her head with my thumb while we waited. The doors opened at the ground floor, and we exited. Heidi was technically too big to live in the apartments, but the owner had made an exception for us after meeting her; every time he saw Heidi he would rush over to pet her and talk to her like she was a baby.

I enjoyed walking her despite the uneasiness I felt whenever I left the apartment alone. It was peaceful, Chicago traffic be damned, and the dog park was at the shore of Lake Michigan. We slowly made our way through the park, walking for a little over an hour. The dogs weren't allowed in the water, but sometimes I indulged Heidi's innate enthusiasm for swimming, though not for long. The worst part was actually trying to coax her into relieving herself: she was unusually picky. Today was one of those days where I pleaded with her for nearly five minutes before she gave in. I withdrew a small orange bag from a plastic container that hung from her leash and picked up the mess she had made--with a sizable piece dropping onto my shoe. I sighed.

The air by the lake was refreshing at least, and the sound of the waves crashing against the shore was calming. We returned to the apartment building, and voyaged back up the elevator to our room. Heidi sat in anticipation while I scooped out two cups of dog food for her, a long line of saliva hanging from her heavy jowls. "Don't tell mom that I'm feeding you early, okay?" I put the cup back in the bin, and placed the bin back into the corner where I kept it. It was ugly and old: a strange blue color, with a deep red top, and it didn't fit the aesthetic I had created in the apartment. But my father had given it to me, and it was useful, so I kept it.

I missed another call from Grace, and she didn't return my call again. "Damn it." My phone vibrated nearly twenty minutes later.

Ok

Sorry, I didn't see you called

Answer next time then

"I knew she would say that," I thought aloud.

I returned to the couch, and again flipped through the never ending sea of channels. Heidi climbed up the couch and rested her head on my leg. We decided on a program that involved a company that makes aquariums for various celebrities. It was, at the very best, not quite as mind numbing as the other channels. We watched for a few hours, as they made aquariums for Shaq and Dwight Howard. Heidi was amused as long as I scratched in between her innocent brown eyes.

After a while I grew bored, and returned to my computer. Heidi lay next to me on the couch, panting loudly and occasionally smacking her lips together. I grabbed a beer to drink, and started up a game of Holy War Monarchs 2. The game focused on medieval kings, and their attempts to spread their dynasty. I was a lowly count in the Kingdom of East Francia, however.

My drink was the Twin Brother's Demesne DuPage. It was one of my favorite drinks, perhaps a little too much. Even though I loved the flavor of the drink, I was haunted by an incident only a few years prior, at the end of my college career, which involved drinking far too much Demesne DuPage in front of friends and family. I could never escape the embarrassment of that occasion.

I grew up in a protestant evangelical Christian household where drunkenness was bad in every circumstance. Even if the incident had caused no real harm between my father and I, it was impossible to ignore my obvious failure of self-control. I sighed and ran my fingers through oily, unwashed hair. I pet Heidi's ear. "You don't think I'm a fuck up, do you?" She simply looked up, and then set her head back down.

Soon, my one drink had become many, and I felt that perhaps I had drank too much. I decided that since my mood had improved, I would send Grace a quick text.

Wjen will yoi be back!

Are you okay..?

After looking at the message, I received a notification that my county was being revoked by the King. "Shit..." I mumbled. I would lose the game if I handed over my county peacefully, so I barreled headfirst into a war in which a crushing defeat was the only choice.

I played for twenty minutes before feeling my phone vibrate.

Ok

I typed a few letters before a notification in Holy War Monarchs drew my attention away once again. I felt another buzz, fifteen minutes later.

Are you drunk again?

No bsbe, im just distracyed.

Don't fucking lie to me again.

I lrmise im nor.

Whatever.

After a half hour of sending messages to defend my integrity, I gave up. During that time, as I soon realized, I had forgotten to pause Holy War Monarchs, and sat looking at a failure screen. Just the way I thought it would happen: I had been demolished by my liege.

I drank a few more bottles before retiring to my bedroom to sleep. I woke up the next morning with the taste of cigarettes in my mouth and the crushed remains of Golden Toast Grahams scattered throughout my bed. I rubbed my eyes and tried in vain to sweep the cereal from my bed. It seemed like every time I would wipe away a swath, another would coalesce somewhere else.

"I don't even like cigarettes."