The Journal of a Troubled Mind

I cant understand the when's and the why's. I can't understand the what's and the where's and the who's. I just know that they've been dancing together in my head, so intricately- no- violently. They sway and crash my conscious being into oblivion as it tries to answer their mystery. See, I don't know when I felt what and why it's taken so long for the who's to turn into when's rather than why's. The where is always there, though. That's exactly the problem. I remember every single where, I just don't understand any of them. My couch, my face, my hair- his smile.

It's been quite a while, to be completely honest. He has his different where's and why's, his what's and who's and when's. Mine remain stagnant, forever bound to the same concepts they inquire about, still fighting my brain for explanation. It's far less now though, must I admit. But my soul still catches fire when he walks into the room-why? I feel like something about his presence just suffocates me and strips me from my air- what? I'm always wondering where he is and who's with him, but I always know the answer is she. My most tormenting question is when though.

When are you happiest?
Is it when you're with her?
When am I going to forget you?
When am I going to be enough for myself again?

Why am I not enough for me?