Gun in the Crib

I was watching the bob of his Adam’s apple when I realized that Adam was pissed.  Guess I shouldn’t have eaten that piece of fruit.  Now, my poor husband has to face God, whom I’m sure will be pissed as well.  But I ask you--what’s the big snit?  A silly piece of fruit!  An apple, or was it?  Well, I’m not exactly sure what it’s called; Adam only gave names to the animals, not the fruits.  Yet the fruit was pretty good--succulent, juicy, red-skinned. The serpent said I should eat it, so I did, and I gave some to my husband as well.  Before that, we didn’t even know we were naked!  I have to tell you though, it feels pretty good.

Yep, there’s God giving Adam what for now--he’s waving his big, fat finger and it looks like he’s laying down the law.  Oh, my poor husband!  Standing there with both hands covering his...what is that called?  Hanging between his legs, an appendage and a sack with two of something.  Hmm, I don’t have them, I have an opening, moist and sensitive. O my, that does feel nice!  Seems that fruit opened our eyes, all right!  Thanks serpent!

Look at God, standing there smug-faced, giving Adam a good dressing-down.  Seems a bit arrogant to me.  Seems he didn’t want us to know we were naked, or to know the difference between right and wrong.  That piece of fruit I ate was from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  But hey--isn’t knowing that a good thing?  Isn’t it good to know the difference?  Now, it appears the Lord God is throwing a piss-fit because we now have a sense of morality.  Hmm, I’m no great philosopher like Confucius of Rene Descartes (they will come along later--don‘t ask me how I known of them, I just do), but to punish us now for a “crime” which we could have not known was a crime, well, that doesn’t quite add up to me.  Talk about unfair! 

Here comes my husband, carrying what look like animal skins.  What’s that Adam?  We have to wear these now?  Oh all right, it is a bit chilly.  Besides, it might add to the mystery of it all!  (Wink, wink.)  What’s that you say?  We are banished from the Garden to toil in the dirt?  Oh, okay, might do us good to work, instead of just lying around like two mindless sheep.  Yeah, let’s go.

Oh, and I’m told now that when I bear children, I will do so in great pain.  Another punishment for eating that apple.  What a prick!  Thanks so much God, you are a real trooper!

Okay, we got into our skins and we are on our way.  Interesting countryside.  Lots to see.  Lots to feel.  Lots to think about.

I told Adam that when we do have a child, not to ever leave a gun in his crib--that would be stupid and irresponsible.  I wouldn’t want our child to accidentally shoot himself.


506 Words
Writer's Cramp Co-Winner
10-26-15