The man I once was

Looking back, there have been many mentors in his years and no one to share with. He listens intently and reads the literature recommended by them. His knowledge grows, but not his ability to think or reason. A low Self-Esteem cloaked in knowledge, this poor child walks through the fields with utter confusion. Social structures are like puzzles and people stray from his perspective. His mind rattles inside a cracked and beaten skull--popcorn burning as the heat turns up. His turmoil is real and his anguish is punishing.

This man has been searching for years with a child's eyes. He's was raised by the television and now his memories are corrupt. He's lost sense of reality and it shows in his poor memory. He observes the next generation, more lost than him...he fits in all too well. Legacy and change fill his mind, delusions of grandeur he chases instead. He has been assured by the mentors that purpose leads to happiness. They teach an obsolete model in a world of distractions--blindly he follows. His mind never sleeps and dreams twist him around--his own personal groundhog day.

He attempts to manufacturer trains of thought to address this chaos, but instead he looks up to find shopping carts tied together with bubble gum. They are filled with false hopes and consumer promises of self-actualization. A torn world chasing false idols printed on more lies, watermarked to remove fear. The child is scared, so he follows sheepishly ignoring the slaughter. Soon he can smell the blood and hear the screams, but it is warmer here. He looks up to see his mentors in line, a little bit fatter and softer than him--only a few feet ahead. It feels good to be connected and safe. A warped mirror hangs above him and reveals his future--panic sets in.

A man screams behind eyes filled with fire and brimstone. The cloak smells of smoke and ash...nostrils burning. He moves, slow at first--accelerating purposefully, avoiding collisions. Eventually he exits this world only to realize that the grass is dead on this side too. As he peers across the valley his eye catches the horizon. The sun is setting and the colors are magnificent, awe inspiring if you will. A realization has set in, but it will take years to manifest. A child runs behind him-- giggles echo beyond the hills.

He wants to turn, but soon realizes that this is just a dream too...