Echoes of The Past

"Hello?" There is silence on the other end of the phone. It's not surprising, I had not anticipated anyone picking up the phone but I had still hoped. It had been many moons since I had last talked about what had happened, and there was a real need for me to get things off my chest. Maybe if I was able to explain myself there would be forgiveness, from those I had wronged and from myself.

He ran across the street, his eyes not leaving the beautiful blonde woman. A lady who was not his wife. Had I been that bad of a father? Had I not taught him right from wrong? The answers to both of those questions did not reflect positively on me. As a rain drop hit me, a tear leaked from my eyes. My umbrella opened and I used it to hide my face. Everything that was happening was because of what I had set in motion all of those years ago.

"There's nobody better than you, baby." I said my as I kissed my lover. Tonya, my wife, had no idea that I wasn't working late like I had told her. In fact with the raise I had received, she thought I was putting in too many hours.

"You always say that. You always promise to leave your wife but I know you won't." Taylor shrugged. The words hurt me but the truth in them was worse, there was no way I would break up my family. The children were the most important thing in the world to me, even if I could care less about Tonya. Any hope of a friendship was long gone. "I'm fine with things the way they are. Just stop making promises you can't keep."

Once again our lips met and the blood flow went to the other head. Soon we were naked and didn't hear the door to the apartment open. It wasn't until Tonya shrieked that we realized we weren't alone. "What the hell are you doing with this man?!"

Should I stop my son from making the same mistake that I did? There was a certain literary irony in it. Maybe one day I would write a novella about this situation. Gay father who cheated on wife, stops straight son from doing the same. That is if my son would listen to me, he had no reason to. Hell he might not even remember me, he was so young when I left.

"Listen, I know who you are and I know that you think you can clear you conscience by apologizing to me, but no. There will be no forgiveness or absolution from me, you abandoned our family and left us to fend for ourselves." My son said to me. He must have spotted me as I tried to get away again. "Stop following me or I will call the police and have you arrested."

"Listen to me, I've been where you are. What you are about to do is morally wrong!" The anger etched on his face grew even deeper. His fists were clenched at his sides. "You can work on your marriage and fix things with Mary. She's a lovely lady, really one of a kind."

"This is rich. YOU ARE TRYING TO lecture me on morals? You were caught having sex with a man, then left your family without so much as a goodbye. We could have accepted you being gay but you chose the coward's way!"

After the terrible scene with Tonya, I had no idea what to do next. Going back to the house I shared with her and the kids was not an option, nor was staying with the man who had proclaimed to love me. For the first time in my life I was all alone and had no idea what to do.

Instead of trying to talk to Tonya, instead of trying to lie my way out of this mess, I decided to write her a 'Dear John' letter. There was no explanation about why I cheated on her, only the fact that I was gay and no longer wanted to be married to her. The day in the apartment was the last time I had saw her, and my children.

My son had stormed away from me and went back to his lunch date. There was no way I was going to let him destroy his life and that of his wife, the way I did. Sure, I couldn't make things right for my kids but I could for my grandchildren. There was nothing that would stop me from trying to protect them from the same hurt I had inflicted. As I weaved through the restaurant there were many obscenities thrown my way. Finally I reached the table with my son, "You can't do this! He's a married man, you know!"

"Jesus Christ! You don't get it, do you? I don't want you in my life!" He toyed with a fried mozzarella stick. Every time I tried to make eye contact with him, he would move his head to avoid me. "Leave me alone. I swear to God, I will call the police!"

"Is this your father? Perhaps it's good that he is here," The blonde woman said, her voice was husky.

"He thinks I'm having an affair with you. Somehow he grew a moral conscience after abandoning us."

"I am not his mistress, sir. I am his therapist. We meet on our lunch hours, once a week so that he can have time with his sons. His wife is well aware of our sessions."

"I just wanted to warn you about the salmonella that is in the chicken." It was the weakest and weirdest excuse but it was all I could think of. I ran out of the restaurant and didn't stop until I was almost a mile away.

Tonya had been a better mother and father to the children than I could have been. Maybe they were better off without me.