"GO RUN DOWN THE STAIRS!"

At the time my brother was literally eating the head of a lettuce while zoning out in our kitchen, that's it, just raw lettuce. During this same time I had just gotten ACL surgery, so naturally I had been told to stay on crutches for a month or more while it heals. My brother is gluten free intolerant. I don't know about other gluten free intolerant people but normally they don't eat a huge head of lettuce in one sitting. So I had to ask why of course.

"Why are you eating lettuce...?"

(It took him a moment to snap out of his lettuce trance.)

"There is nothing to eat. In. this. House."

"Ya there is there is. Look at all this food in here. You can eat this and this and thi..." I say as I point and show him all the containers full of food we have.

Without even looking at them he says,"The only thing that sounds good is lettuce." Than he gives me the wide eyed stare down as if to say, do you have any better ideas, genius?

I tried not to burst out laughing with how incredibly serious my brother can talk about eating lettuce. And how this conversation suddenly went from a calm level one conversation to a 10 in stress in a split second. Over lettuce. I slowly pivoted around on my crutches back to the fridge to cover up my face almost bursting into laughter. "Well okay...I guess you can just eat your stupid lettuce and be sad then."Closing the fridge, I crutched towards the stairs to start the long trek down them. By this point he was frustrated because I gave up on offering solutions and leaving while he was still munching on the hunk of lettuce in his hand. He couldn't take the frustration anymore. To his credit he had been looking for a couple hours so i imagine he had built up anger.

Practically shouting at me, he yells,"Well...well...GO RUN DOWN THE STAIRS!"

It took us both a few seconds to have the sentence register in our heads. I laughed so hard I about fell down the stairs. All the anger once in the room was evaporated when we realized we argued over lettuce for 5 minutes straight.

Now every time I use sarcasm or say a good comeback my family replies with "GO RUN DOWN THE STAIRS." or "Hey you wanna race me?"

It made me realize crutches have more than one use. They can also be used as a weapon.

"GO RUN DOWN THE STAIRS!"

*WHAM*