The Bad Thing

The Bad Thing

I don’t really recall the beginning of that night. All I remember is trying to get away from the man who was chasing me.
I was only 7 and he was bigger than me, and stronger.
I was dressed only in a summer night gown and he had been asked by my parents to look after myself and my brother and sister.
Being the eldest was allowed to stay up later than the other two.
I assume that I watched TV as he sat alongside me.
But I do not recall this.
All that really sticks in my mind 38 years later is that he wanted me to do something I didn’t want to do, so I tried to run away from him. The house was not particularly large, and I didn’t want to disturb my siblings, so I ran from one room to another. This was not easy in a house that had been built at the turn of the century as all the rooms seemed to lead from one to the next.
I think was trying to hide in the spare room when he got hold of me.
I look back now and cannot conceive that an adult would think a little girl (and I was not a large child) was something to be made a sexual object.
Even now I don’t want to record it, but this is my project today.
He held me on his lap and forced his fingers into me.
While asking me if I liked it and if it felt good.
I remember screaming at him and saying I didn’t like it. That he should stop and that I was going to tell my dad.
I don’t remember how long this went t for or why he stopped.
I can only assume that he was enjoying dominating a defenceless child.
I do know that I did tell my parents. I have been told since that my father beat the snot out of him. And the only time my mother ever spoke of it was 30 years later. During a discussion with my singer about sex abuse in children, my mother stated, “You just don’t talk about it ever again and they forget”.
My sister and I looked at each other in amazed shock as our mother left the room.
I’ve spoken to a counsellor about this and come to the conclusion that this happened to someone who I no longer am, but still occasionally this comes back to haunt me.