We are all Equal (A Personal Journey)

As you walk through the door of this place the first thing that strikes you is the creativity, wherever you go there is colour, drifting past you and voices laughing, not what you expect when someone mentions a centre for the disabled. The picture comes to you of people sitting there looking at each other blankly, not able to do much. I love this place and for someone who fits in so few places, this is a major find. My first impression when I walked in was what disability as they all appeared to be the same as me on the outside, fine. It was after spending time with these people that you gradually find out their difficulties. Sam gets confused a lot, her memory not what it was after a brain haemorrhage a few years previous. She tells us the same stories on a regular basis but it doesn't matter, what matters is that everyone gets on and accepts each other's flaws. I mention Sam because of what someone said to me the other day. "I think Sam's got Alzheimer's" and I explained as best as I could that this was not the case.

You see memory in its own right is selective and fleeting, driven by emotions it can be amazing or devastating; recalling the best and worst times of our lives. It is like an express train stopping only at certain places, main stations that you remember when you reach your destination; you don't recognise the smaller ones because you fly by them without stopping. What happens though if when you leave one of these stations you find out you've forgotten you stopped there, forgotten its name or if you get to your destination and you've forgotten the journey altogether. When people talk about the journey do you nod in what you hope are the right places pretending you know what they are saying or do you tell them you've forgotten?

This is a journey I have taken, it was a time when I could remember the past but new things escaped me in an instant. It was gradual, I didn't know it was happening, there was no way to protect myself from the pain, in words, inflicted by others, my apparent stupidity and laziness were obvious to them, what wasn't was how hard I was trying to get things right.

As I look at Sam and watch the acceptance she has here it reminds me that this hasn't always been the case, that anything other than normal was unacceptable, different was frowned upon, the quote that comes to mind is 'We are all equal but some are more equal than others'. This was society's way of looking at me as I slipped gradually into the world of disability. My memories became long term only, remembering only the past, some things stuck but it was hit and miss as to what I would remember.

I was young and lucky, surgery restored my memory, although the journey back was a long one and it has left its mark, hence my entrance into this world now. It's a world we will all enter at some point in our lives as we grow older and our bodies no longer cooperate with us; we should do well to remember this when we look at those who seem different or strange.