I Flicker

No poem. Not tonight. No booze to cloud my mind or voices to placate. I am me...broken old me.

How many fractured people are there? How many hide behind a smile? I use to think I was just emo. A small person who couldn't grow up and deal with the world and pouted about it. I know I'm not. I know there is more to this storm. It's not just loud booms of thunder with no bite of lightning. I am electric. Charged up and ready to explode in every direction.

A storm can never settle. It can never stop being a storm. Even if it calms on one port, it whips up again on another. So what do I do? Cursed with having the sense to know I am not well but lacking the will to do anything about it. Knowing that my very being is a focal point of chaos. It's a sobering thought. A man who knows he's dying won't fear death. A man in love knows no loneliness. A man who knows he's empty stops searching for why he's never full.

I don't know anything about the world. I'm not a smart person. Just a mind that flickers like the night after lightning crashes through. In that brief moment, the one where the entire night sky is illuminated...that is my moment. A split second where I can think clearly and see exactly what I am. Then it's gone. This post is a solid thought. A flicker of light before I go dark.

I am alone. I will always be alone.

I am a storm.