My "To Do" List

"All I'm saying is the guy shouldn't wear corduroy pants. Walking from his office to the cafeteria, he'd be at risk for spontaneous combustion." I turned back to writing my note.

"Meg, you're just horrible. Horrible!" Laura said, all the while laughing with the rest of the group seated in the break room.

"I'm horrible? At least I've never propositioned you with a menage a trois." With that I slipped the note in the mailbox and headed out the door as the group roared with laughter.

"Meg, come back in here." Laura stood at the door, her face a strawberry, freckles punctuating the vivid surface. "You can't leave me hanging like that."

Looking back to take in the full effect, I said, "I'm horrible, remember? Why don't you explain to them 'the rest of the story'?"

"Like they'd listen to me. You've got to come back. Please?"

"The magic word. Oh, alright." I couldn't contain my Cheshire grin any longer.

Laura walked back into the room to more hoots and cackles. "Ya'll, it's not what you think it is. Tell 'em, Meg."

"Actually, it is what you think...." I was interrrupted by the entrance of the president of the company.

"I heard all this laughing down here and thought I'd check it out." She glanced at me, her mouth already curving up into a smile. "I should have known who was behind this."

"Come on in, Mrs. Thompson. You'll enjoy the story I was just about to tell." From the corner of my eye, I saw Laura dancing around like a first grader who had to go to the bathroom. "Just to let you know, I'm not going to file sexual harassment charges. I did experience an intense feeling of nausea, but it passed." Much to Laura's distress, Mrs. Thompson walked further into the room and looked to me clearly expecting to be entertained.

"I'd just come back to the office from one of the stores. I'd been thinking about one particular man---who shall remain nameless,"-- I shot what I hope was a meaningful look in Laura's direction, "and realized that if he could read minds, I could be charged with sexual harassment myself. Well who walks into the office, but Laura. When I mentioned how attractive I thought this guy was, her face just lit up. I knew then I had stumbled on a rich fantasy life, but who would know this good Catholic girl could be so kinky?"

"That's all I said. Laura was going on about this guy's butt and how much she liked his body. Of course I had to agree, I mean, I like the whole package. Definitely eye candy."

"But then, she turns to me and says, 'We ought to have a menage a trois.' Well, I can tell you I just about fell over."

"So I said, 'A menage a trois? Do you even know what that means Laura? I don't want to see my own self naked, much less look up and see you!" By this time, many of the women in the room were brushing away tears from laughing so hard. The boss was right in there with them. Laura had turned an alarmingly deep red color.

Mustering up a defense, Laura countered, "But... but.. you knew what it meant!"

"So? I know what pedophilia, cannibalism, and necrophilia are, but they're not on my 'to do' list!"