Rewriting Sarah's Mittens

Alex sighed, setting the paper down on the table. Slithering his fingers behind his round eyeglasses, he rubbed his pupils until the moisture started to make a small wet smack against his eyelids. He then pulled his fingers away, let his blurry vision clear up, and looked at his best friend.

“Zach, it stinks.”

Zach’s face deflated. Shining, expectant eyes and a pearly white smile were replaced by a clean shaven jowl and a furrowed forehead. “What’re you talking about? It’s got humor, it’s got real-life fears, it’s got—”

“Don’t say it’s got. It has. Has!”

“I can freakin’ hear your italics.” Zack rolled his eyes. “But, look, there’s a cat.”

“It’s a calico cat,” said Alex.

“Yeah. They’re pretty.”

Alex then rolled his eyes. “You said his name was Mittens.”

Zach’s face told Alex that his friend still didn’t catch what Alex was throwing.

“His name. He, he.”

Scrunching his face at Alex, Zach said, “Are you slow-laughing at me? What’re you doing, Mr. Emphasis?”

Alex sat up, leaning forward with his arms on the table. “Calicos aren’t boys.”

Zach, silent, looked confused.

“See, you mention that he’s a calico—”

“So that people can get a sense of what Mittens looks like. And that’s the easiest way.”

“No. Black is the easiest way. Or Siamese. Or Tortoise.”

Zach blew out a frustrated sigh, puffing out his cheeks and looking down at the page on the table. “You’re not making any sense. What’s a tortoise got to do with a cat?”

“Calicos are almost predominately female.”

“What?”

Alex smiled tightly. “You say what a lot, too. Stop that. But you mention that Mittens is a male and a calico cat. But that particular coloring is almost always female.”

“Mittens is the exception.”

“Even if that was the case – and it’s not – but even if it was, Sarah would point it out. She’d be silently thinking about how rare her lovely, mischievous male calico was. That would at least make it believable. Even if it’s not plausible.”

Zach sat back, his gaze finding all sorts of areas of the room except for Alex’s eyes.

“Buddy, look, I know you’re trying to write something good and funny here. You just need to pay attention to the facts that surround your characters.”

Stooping forward in his chair, Zach brought his hands to his head and firmly rubbed his face. Alex could see something else: an interment of Zach's hopes and dreams at being a great American writer.

Alex stood up and slowly walked around the dining room table to stand behind Zach. He reached forward to grip his friend’s shoulders and started massaging them. The tension made the task difficult, but once Zach sat up and relaxed, it became easier.

“Okay… oh, that hurts. Okay, so forget that the cat’s gender. Is it funny?”

“What, the story? Mittens gets out because an exterminator accidentally lets him out? And the fact that the exterminator is there to begin with is because Mittens is awful at catching mice?”

Zach looked up at Alex. “Yeah. That stuff. Is it at least funny?”

“Watch it, pal. I’m the one doling out italicized words.” Alex let a small laugh escape. “But… yeah. The premise is…”

“I hear it in your voice. Come on. What is it?”

Alex sucked air between his teeth before replying. “Well, you drone on and on about how much Sarah hates the rats and also how much the husband – what’s his name – how much he really hates Mittens to begin with.”

“I thought I was setting up the moments of tension. Making the reader feel just as compelled as Sarah about getting Mittens back in the house and getting the expensive exterminator out of there.”

“Yeah,” he said, patting Zach’s shoulder gently. “Yeah, you did. But there’s just a lot of set up and the actions of the cat are not equal.”

“Not there, oooh. That tickles!” Zack tucked Alex’s hand against his neck, stopping the tiny movements for a moment. “But, so I just need to make the setup shorter? Or more actions by the cat? He could get into the exterminator’s truck and—”

“No, no. That’s ridiculous. No cat would willingly go into a truck that smells like poison.” Alex reached over his friend’s shoulder for the story on the table. “And this part here: Mittens climbs the tree, jostling a yellow leaf along the way and sending it to it’s doom. What is that about?”

Zach shrugged beneath Alex’s other hand. “I don’t know. I wanted it to be poetic.”

“But you said at the beginning this was a Spring afternoon. The time change and stuff, they’re part of the reason for Sarah forgetting time—”

“And there aren’t any yellow leaves in Spring. Gotcha.”

“Although… if it was set in Autumn, the other time change could cause a similar scenario. And there would be pile’s of leaves that the cat would want to get into. And since Mittens is a calico, it’d be—”

“Oh!” Zach squealed, shooting straight up. “It’ll be harder to find him! And he could get lost a lot quicker. Maybe even start an adventure away from crazy Sarah!”

Smiling, Alex looked at his friend: the bright eyes of hope were ablaze. “There you go, buddy. Now get to writing. I want to see something by tomorrow.”

Zach smiled sheepishly and moved in to hug Alex. “Thanks, buddy. You always help me out.”

“No prob. Now get to work.”



Word Count: 911