Hellspam

To: nataliew124@[redacted]; esther57@[redacted]; ...
From: abbeymay17@[redacted]
Hey guys, greetings from Oregon! We finally made it after only taking FOREVER on the highway. We still have to unpack, but I'm already settling into school. The girls I've met are supercool and I'm superpsyched. ... It's rainy as anything here, and with Halloween coming up it totally looks like Ichabod Crane season around our new house, with dripping trees and black shadows darting between the trunks.

To: ...
... pic of me hanging out with Michael Brown yesterday. Did I tell you all the girls call him "Brownie"? Because he's scrumptious enough to eat, right? lol!

Oh, they have their own special version of Bloody Mary here. She was a freaky unpopular girl, and she was the first to get an iPhone and tried to make herself popular with it, but it didn't work and she killed herself in the E-wing bathroom. She haunts it, and if you text "Bloody Beryl" into your cell phone while standing in that bathroom in the dark, she'll come for you.

Which reminds me. This Halloween me and Michelle and the other girls are totally breaking into the school to play hide and seek. So fun!

To: ...
... and OMG, we did the Halloween thing and it was SOOO freaky! Brownie and his football friends broke in too, but we didn't know, and they chased us around and we didn't know it was them, so it was super scary. And did Brownie catch me and take me in a clinch? I'm not telling! Yet! :p

But we also did the "Bloody Beryl" thing in the E-wing bathroom. Or I did. Gayle was being a real pill about it to me, until I was like "whatever" and did it. Texted three times to this old cell number she gave me while standing in the dark bathroom. Freaky part is I got a reply! Automated spam or something, all bad grammar and misspellings, thanking me for contacting them. Stupid Nigerians. Hope it's not Russian hackers!

To: ...
... but I told Michelle I do - not - care - if Gayle and Brownie used to be together, she should stop obsessing. Obviously it was her personality that made him dump her flabby butt.

Sigh. Back. I think I'll have to change my cell or something because I've been getting lots more of that spam since Halloween. Creepy. Last one said, "thenks yu my frind i will com 2 u shortyl." No, just go away. Loser.

To: ...
I'm so sick of the rain. I got totally soaked going in to school the other day when my umbrella broke. Not as bad as this other girl I saw at the corner. Soppy hair all hanging down, and her mascara totally ran. I thought it was Gayle, because she's been all SO DRAMA lately, but she was inside when I got there. Still rocking her new goth look, though.

Makes me wonder if it was her who left the nasty thing in the toilet yesterday. Some girl had her period and I'm the one who found it. I can't even!

To: ...
... and I guess it worked too, so maybe I'll try going all goth to see if I can get him back. Not. You think I'm going to stain my hair black on account of a flake like Michael Brown? Just go back to Gayle, you dumbass, see if you like her better the second time around. And everyone's taking HER side and his, so I guess I'll go find some new friends until they all realize, Brownie included, what a mistake he's making and that I'm the only one who sees it.

I won't miss the E-wing bathroom, where we hung out before lunch, though. It's gotten really cold all the time in there now. And I swear some pervy boys have drilled a hole in the wall by one of the stalls and are spying through it, because it totally feels like someone is watching when I go into it.

To: ...
So I found out it was Gayle sending me those spams, and I'm totally taking it to the principal as a case of cyber-bullying. I mentioned the spams to my new friend Ann, and I guess she said something to Gayle, because she came to me and said she was sorry for making me text that old number, and that I should definitely see a priest for protection. She said she didn't think it would work, but apparently it has, whatever it is, and the month is almost up and I only have a few days left.

I said I'd see her in hell.

To: ...
guys i luv u want 2 see u, pls text bloody abbey 3 times so i com.

-30-
Written for the Folklore Monthly Writing Contest